Isla Soleil
by RoseMeadowCullen
Summary: This is a story based on New Moon. Bella never jumped off a cliff, Alice didn't see Bella dying, so Edward didn't come back...Well, at least not after 7 years, when Bella was a known songwriter. Summary sucks but please read. First fanfic! Enjoy! B/E!
1. Chapter 1 Obscure Night

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a fanfic based on New Moon. Bella never jumped off a cliff, Alice didn't see a vision of Bella dying, so Edward didn't come back. This is set about 7 years after Edward left Bella. Bella is now a famous songwriter named Isla Soleil...soon, because of her music, Isabella will find Edward back into her life. And this time, she will try to keep her distance. Can she keep him away when her passion for music becomes synonymous with her passion for Edward? I know that my summary sucks, but I work hard for this story. My first fanfic, please be gentle with your comments. ^_^

DISCLAIMER: The stories Twilight and New Moon, its characters and plot, are sole property of the author Stephenie Meyer (she rocks, by the way!) She inspires me to write this fanfic. The songs that I will incorporate into this fanfic are also the sole property of the respected owners. I don't claim to own their songs, they are only used for the purpose of writing this fanfic. They happened to be very inspiring. I don't own anything except some tofu and a lamb stuffed animal.

enjoy...

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_**It's amazing how someone can break your heart but still love them with all the million pieces.**_

_**CHAPTER 1**_

_**Obscure Night**_

_Over 500 channels and nothing to watch_? It seems like I almost want to believe that television is just a distraction for people who are unable - or even unwilling to think for themselves. It is totally unnecessary! Okay, maybe that statement is mildly untrue. Charlie always spends his time indoors watching T.V, but I definitely do not think that he's unable or unwilling to think for himself. He's just a big sports _aficionado_, that's all! If he can watch every game _live_ at his own backyard, I don't think he ever wants to go inside again… unless needed - like some _human moments_! In the meantime, T.V. is his only medium to enjoy a simple pleasure. He doesn't need it as a distraction!

_So what am I doing with a remote control on my hand_? I frustratingly turn off the "_distraction_" and toss the remote on the couch. I sat by the floor-to-ceiling window of my penthouse…to ponder, or more precisely, to reminisce.

_Distraction_! I loathe that word! I suddenly remember _someone_ explaining to me how _his_ memories can easily be managed.

"_I won't forget. But my kind…we're very easily distracted_."

Ha! Good for _him_! I know at least one of us has it easy. I, on the other hand, have to suffer just to keep those musings at bay. My memory is definitely far from being a _sieve_.

"_Time heals all wounds for your kind_."

How I want to prove him wrong! Father Time is definitely not on my side here. I have suffered before. I still suffer now. I definitely know I will grieve some more…maybe even for life. I am just not certain how much longer I can endure this endless agony before my head snaps and succumbs to insanity. Maybe by then, in a padded cell, I would be able to forget. For now, time doesn't ease the pain. In fact, it doesn't do anything but pour salt on my wounds by constantly reminding me how long _he_ has been out of my life.

_Seven years, four months, two weeks, and five days_. That's exactly how long since that fateful day when he pulled me toward the forest from our yard to "_talk_." I remember everything like it just happened yesterday - the voice in my head saying that this "_talk_" seemed to be a bad idea; how _his_ expressions were unreadable when _he_ said that _they_ were leaving and explained that it was time for _his family_ to move - because _they_ have to start over soon somewhere; the feeling of nausea as I finally understood that I wouldn't be coming along; the sound of my beg when I desperately wanted it to have the hint of anger as I tried to convince _him_ that _he_ was the very best part of my life; _his_ grim words to me like "My world is not for you" or "As long as that was best for you"; my selfless plea of asking _him_ to take my soul - if that was the only thing that bothered _him_, it was _his_ already as I wouldn't want it without _him_.

But there were three things - three particular things _he_ said that night which throb every waking moment, still even up to this day - three things that constantly tear against my unhealed wounds like a serrated edge.

First, when _he_ expressed that I was no longer wanted. _He_ said it unapologetically. _His_ eyes were like topaz that held no contradiction to the words _he'd_ spoken. I wasn't good enough for him. Of course, I knew that. I knew that all along. I was actually scared to even think, let alone admit, that this wonderful creature would even want me. It seemed too good to be true that a handsome knight in shining armor, who gleams and sparkles under the sun and is capable of doing almost everything, would want a plain, clumsy, and most importantly, fragile human like me. I'm not suited for _him_ - I never was! It was _his_ declaration that I wasn't good for _him_ that finally confirmed my fear.

Second, _he_ mentioned _his family _been long gone even before that damned "_talk_". _He_ only stayed behind to impart the bad news. _His family,_ that I took as my own, had left without even saying goodbye. I was hurt…definitely hurt. Actually, I was devastated. They were convinced that a clean break would be better for me, or rather _Edward_ had them convinced. Either way, _they_ still thought it could be true. It seemed to _them_ like cheesy and awkward goodbyes might mean a more difficult and longer time for the _human _to move on, to heal more easily. Nevertheless, I think it was rude. At least, they could have said something, even just a simple note on a yellow, crumpled post-it would do. A "good riddance" or a "cheerio" would even suffice. I didn't want any long explanation for the sudden urge to leave. I just wanted to feel, even how miniscule it could be, that I was somewhat important _enough_ to bid farewell to. It would be polite, it would be respectful.

Lastly, _he_ made a promise. Of all the promises _he_ made, this one seemed to be the only one that will remain unbroken. _He_ said that it will be the last time I would see _him_. _He_ wouldn't come back. And that, I could go on with my life without anymore interference from _him_.

_"It will be as if I'd never existed."_

I could swear that I felt my blood pounding faster than normal behind my ears. Then all of a sudden, _he_ seemed to sound far away. That was when he mentioned that I needed not to worry so much, for my recollection was nothing more than a sieve. How I really wish that I could prove him wrong!

I felt hurt, miffed, indignant, embarrassed, betrayed. I have never felt so unwanted in my life. I thought that _he_, together with _his family_, had loved me. Maybe _they_ had, it was just never enough. Or maybe it wasn't love after all. I am more convinced that _my case_ could be just a sudden onset of amusement for all of _them_. After all these years of existence, who would have thought that one silly human, who was willing to offer her neck and the rest of her circulatory system for one well-to-do vampire, dreamed to belong in _their_ family?

_Let's see how long this absurdity will last. Maybe Edward will realize that what they are doing is ludicrous!_

_He_ doesn't love me. _He_ never did, and most possibly, never will. It was just an infatuation, an infantile fascination. That's the only reason that could explain why _he_ left, why _they_ all left. _He_ said it himself. It was time for a change. _He_ had let this ridiculous relationship, if _he_ would call it a relationship, much too long. The pretention was finally over. _Their_ amusement towards me had run out. I was no longer a joy to _them_!

But of course _he_ would always love me…_in a wa_y! What way is that? I have no freakin' idea! Maybe it would be like how someone would love his pet goldfish after it died and got flushed down the toilet…unimportant, irrelevant, of no great concern. That's how I felt when _they_ left me out. Actually, it was more like a "_live_" goldfish that was forced to go down the drain because he couldn't take care of it anymore. _They_ killed me. _He_ killed me.

I remember the light, unnatural breeze that I felt when _he_ passed by me to finally leave me in the forest. Instead of going back the way we came from towards my house, I walked. I walked forward endlessly that night, without even thinking, but just a firm conviction of looking for _him_. I felt the need to look. I couldn't stop, because if I did, I knew then it was over. I didn't want it to be over. But _he_ was nowhere to be found. My life…my love…my meaning…it was gone. _He_ was gone. Somebody died in that forest that night. Somebody died in the worst possible way, and it was me. I died… of a broken heart, of a broken soul.

I recall the rescue that was made after long hours that I stayed down on the muddy forest floor, curled up into a ball. That night, the sky was utterly _obscure_. There was no moon, but a lunar eclipse…_a new moon_. How much more bizarre could it get, for it was definitely the new moon of my life, it was certainly the darkest time in my existence.

Sam Uley found me in the forest. He handed me to Charlie while explaining that I didn't appear to be hurt, just maybe a _tad_ shaken since I was constantly uttering "_He's gone_" all the time. We went home. Dr. Gerandy checked up on me and asked me if I was hurt. I replied no, just true enough to what he was asking, because I was definitely not just hurt, I also stopped living.

I gave them a story that I got lost in the woods, and said I was tired. He finally gave up on interrogating me and just advised Charlie to let me sleep it off. It was just exhaustion. How I wished it was only that! How I wished that I could only sleep it off and then everything would be back the way it was!

I drifted in and out of alertness, as the rescue volunteers left one by one. Charlie had been very worried, and yet, been very good in taking care of me. Every now and then, I would feel his fingers touching my forehead. At one point, he even placed a blanket on me. He would even hurry to catch the phone as it would ring a few times, so as not to disturb my rest. I knew he was hurting, too. He didn't deserve any of that. It was my fault, and my fault alone, to be such a _stupid naïve lamb_ and be trusting. I should be the only one agonizing.

Later, the sky was no longer dark, and the sun started to rise behind the rain. It was then Charlie started asking me questions about the event that just happened a few hours ago. He showed me a note, with a messy handwriting that was incredibly similar to my own, saying that I was going for a walk with _Edward_. _**A note**_! That's when I realized that someone had been in the house to leave a note for Charlie that would lead him to find me! I covered my ears as I didn't want to participate from my dad's inquiries anymore.

I rushed to my room as I had this terrible notion starting to form in my head. I, then, started to look for them, for my gifts, for _his_ pictures, for anything and everything that could remind me of any of _them_, of _him_. The CD player was empty. The album that Renee gave me for my birthday was still there. But I knew that there was a picture of Edward on the first page, except it was blank. Only my handwriting was left…_Edward Cullen, Charlie's kitchen, September 13._

Just like he promised…_it was as if he never existed_. I didn't have to look any further. I knew _he_ would be careful and not leave anything out. It would be no use to find the rest. Besides, I felt like my body turned into jello as I fell and met on the floor. I didn't black out. I wish I did because it would mean that I only lost consciousness, and that, sooner or later, I would wake up again. It seemed like I was falling into a deep dark hole, and there was no escape. If I died in the forest that night _he_ left, this time, when _he_ tried to erase his memories, I was sent to hell. I didn't know how, and if ever, _when_, I would be saved.

_**Brrriiiinngggg…Brrriiinnnggg…**_

My landline phone takes me out of my reverie. I find myself rubbing my chest. I feel the pain brought upon my musing earlier. The phone is still ringing when I slowly get up to answer it.

_"Hello?"_

_"Bella, it's Martha."_

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**Update very soon!**


	2. Chapter 2 Martha

DISCLAIMER: The stories Twilight and New Moon, its characters and plot, are sole property of the author Stephenie Meyer (she rocks, by the way!) She inspires me to write this fanfic. The songs that I will incorporate into this fanfic are also the sole property of the respected owners. I don't claim to own their songs, they are only used for the purpose of writing this fanfic. They happened to be very inspiring. I don't own anything except some tofu and a lamb stuffed animal.

_**CHAPTER 2**_

_**Martha**_

Martha is the 55-year-old woman who happens to be the mother of my _other _best friend, Vanessa. She works for me as my secretary, assistant, agent, handler, manager, friend, confidante, and most importantly, she's also like a mother. I still have Renee, and I love her with all my heart. Renee hasn't changed. Phil and I are still here for her - her usual caretakers. Martha, on the other hand, is the opposite of Renee. She has been taking care of me like she would have taken care of her own daughter, Vanessa.

Oh, Vanessa! I truly miss my friend. She is the reason why I have become a successful songwriter. Yes, I write songs now. In fact, I have written so many songs for many popular artists of different genres. Every song that I have written became a hit, almost always the number 1 or number 2 in the Billboard Charts for weeks on end. The songs that are in the number 1 or number 2 spot will sometimes get knocked off their positions if a new song written by me will be released.

I am proud to say that I have helped many people because of my career, something that Vanessa would have wanted me to do. I have helped a number of new artists get well-known, many has-been artists' careers revived, and also, millions upon millions of music lovers out there go through with their love lives - happy or sad -because of my music.

Yes, I write songs that are the matters of the heart. It was something that I thought I could never do in my lifetime. But thanks to Vanessa, she made it possible for me. That is why even though I don't really like to be taken care of by another, I let Martha do her thing. It makes her happy and I know it is something Vanessa would like to happen - Martha taking care of me as Vanessa had done for me many years ago.

_"Bella, Bella, are you still there or you're zoning out on me again?"_

_"Yes, I'm here and not zoning out on you…so what's up?"_

_"Well, Mr. Burr has called me and said that the winners for the songwriting contest had already been picked. Would you like to meet them or just wait until the event," _Martha asks.

_"I'll just wait until the party. I'm sure they'll be great. You've done background checks on them, right? I mean they were not some lunatic or criminals, as far as you know?"_

_"Of course! We've got FBI placed a 10-year background checks on them. Their records are squeaky clean. They're young people and seem to come from a very well-to-do family. I think they're fine."_

_"OK then, just make sure that they have everything they need before I meet them, ok?"_

_"Sure, sure. One more thing, though. I talked to Audrina and said that she already saw the dress that you will wear for the party. She was absolutely thrilled!"_

_"Well, why she didn't call me then?" _

It's not that I mind Audrina, Jacob's _wife_, to be talking to Martha. It's just that usually she would tell me these things herself. Audrina has been my fashion consultant for years. She loves fashion to the core and even endures shopping for hours, like _someone_ I know from another life.

_"She was calling you! You never picked up your cell! I tried your cell too, but you never answered, that's why I called your landline number!"_

_"Oh! I'm sorry! It must be on vibe. I don't even know where my phone is."_

_"Try the couch, honey."_

And there it is, my phone, on one of the couch cushions. Of course I won't be able to hear the vibration against the soft seat. Martha just seems to know where I put all my stuffs.

_"I got it…thanks! Ooohh! 48 missed calls! Nobody is so anxious to talk to me, eh?"_

_"Hey! I only called you thrice. I had a feeling that you might not be hearing your phone so I didn't bother calling you there anymore. That must be Audrina. Call her to let her know that you already talked to me." _

I'll just send her a text…I'm not really in the mood to talk to anyone right now.

_"Ok…Um… so is everything ready for the party then? I mean, I know about the venue, sponsors, audience estimation, food arrangement, ushering for people, the thank-you gifts for the artists. We already have the winners of the songwriting contest. I guess Audrina got my dress…well, actually my whole ensemble… I got the shoes and accessories yesterday…I mean, you've picked up and got me the shoes and accessories. The music is ready…what else is there? What about the stage and decoration? I don't think I have seen the final stage backdrop!"_

I am very much aware that everything is ready. I just feel that it is prudent for me to inquire about the upcoming event, saying that I actually care about it. I really do. It's just that I don't do much when it comes to preparation. It was my choice not to do anything to help, and Martha understands. Martha, the studio company, and the producers usually do all of those. She just shows me digital pictures of the concert stage, the venue, my outfit that will be used for the said event; she does that so to seek my approval which is mostly always a "yes". My job for that day is to show up, be prepared, keep focused - and preferably with music.

_"The decoration is fine. A lot of blues, grays and whites. The huge backdrop for the stage…a beautiful island set in twilight with the hint of a moon showing in the background, then a girl…well it was actually your back profile looking up the sky…and your name at the bottom …"__**Isla Soleil**__"…the I and the S are more pronounced than the other letters…and of course the lighting for the stage will be magnificent to highlight the huge beautiful backdrop…and most certainly, there are lots and lots of balloons and flowers, and whatever is there needed to put everything together. The design committee has done a great job, I'm telling you. Are you happy about it? The backdrop's design is your idea, remember? Don't worry I'll show you tomorrow…"_

_"Of course, I am happy and I'm sure the backdrop will be superb! I'm just anxious at the same time because it's finally happening. I just wish…I just wish Vanessa would be here to see all of these…"_

The other line went silent for a moment…

_"Don't worry. I'm sure she would be very very happy for you. We all are. You're finally revealing yourself! Anyway, have you talked to Charlie and Renee yet?"_

_"Yeah…Charlie couldn't come. He said he had used up all of his vacation hours. But I'm sure he just doesn't like events like this. He said he'll make it up and bring me to dinner sometime. Renee couldn't leave Phil because he was injured at a game yesterday. She called me when I got home today. His legs are in cast, so, they have to reverse their roles for a while…Renee as Phil's caretaker…"_

_"Haha! I would like to see that. Don't worry, I'll call your mom tomorrow and ask if she needs anything. Go to rest now because you'll have a mini concert coming up in 3 days. Don't talk too much. Reserve your voice so when you sing on Saturday, you wouldn't have a hard time because you've rested your voice well. I know you'll be great…Isla Soleil!"_

_"Thanks Martha…I don't know what I'll do without you…" _

That's Martha. She doesn't only take care of me, she cares for my parents, too.

_"You'll just be fine…good night dear…"_

_"Night…"_

Click.


	3. Chapter 3 Odd Requests from Isla Soleil

_**CHAPTER 3**_

_**Odd Requests of Isla Soleil**_

Yikes! My mini-concert event is in three days! I am totally nervous now. Whew! I know I have been in the music industry for 4 years ...a successful one, as a matter of fact. So what am I nervous about? Well, actually, I have always been _behind the scenes_. I don't get the attention like the artists I write songs for. I tried my very best to conceal my true identity.

The reason for this is I don't want some _vampires_ knowing what I have been up to, not that _they_ will be interested in knowing. But just in case, I don't want _them_ to know that I'm actually doing well, career-wise. In fact, I don't want them to know anything about me…period! It will also be as if _I don't exist anymore_.

So, I decided not to use my legal name Isabella Swan. I chose _**Isla Soleil**_ as my songwriter name_. I_ and _S_ are its initials just like my real name. Isla is short for Isabella…I just took out the "abel" in the middle; it also means island; Soleil, on the other hand, means "sun" which I know _some people I have known from another life_ are trying to avoid…which is like me, _they_ also tried to avoid. Aside from the name change, I've taken precautions to conceal my real identity.

All the people that I have worked with, from the artists and their managers, to record label company executives and producers, I have them signed contracts that state that they may never impart any information about me…anything at all-from what I look like, what I wear, the sound of my voice, my age, who I work with, etc.

The only exception to this rule is they can talk about my work - which consists mainly of the songs that I have made - just pure business talk, no personal comments. It is also stated in the contract that they can never take my photo, record a video or tape our conversation; if a taped conversation is needed (which I doubt unless they are required for court purposes which never happened so far), my office will gladly provide them one.

They are also asked not to bring out with them things that I might have touched during our meetings, with the exception of a contract or song sheets. If I need to sign something, I usually do it with a new pair of rubber gloves in my hand.

Yes! Indeed, I do wear a pair of rubber gloves during our encounters like contract signing and recording sessions. I know that my scent can easily be recognized by some _vampires_. And I can't risk having my scent caught on things like a piece of contract. And because of that, I don't hug, shake hands or sit closely with others except Martha…which is also stated in the contract. My scent can rub off of them, and if a wrong _vampire_ happens to be with anyone of them at the wrong time, then my goal of being invisible will be crushed.

I also try to work with the least amount of people possible, meeting only the ones necessary. I know that my odd request and behavior will make them stare at me like I'm an alien who came from outer space to meet them, and because of that, the image of me will definitely be etched in their minds and memories for quite some time, so I also try to be incognito.

I wear blond wigs and huge sunglasses that cover almost half of my face. If it isn't weird enough already, I could have also resolved into wearing a fake mustache and a beard but I resigned into wearing make-up instead. I also changed my wardrobe. I try to become more fashion-forward now. I even wear shoes that have "killer heels." These clothes are very different from the old Bella that some people would have known...shirts, jeans and Chuck Taylors are items I only wear around my own place, alone or with my family or very close friends. I go through this tremendous masquerade because I know a particular _vampire_ who can actually read minds, and I can't have _him_ see or spot me in the minds of the people I work with, so I have to be unrecognizable.

The looks on the faces of the people who would read these contracts are priceless! The artists' faces have all these baffled looks on them. They might think I'm crazy. Erase that…they already _do_ think that I am nuts.

But what can I do? I can't just go and tell them about an _ex-boyfriend_ of mine, who happens to be a _vampire_ and has an ability to read minds, is someone I don't really want to see, together with _his family of vampires_ who can definitely recognize my scent. I might see my face in front of a tabloid the next day, beside the UFO and Bigfoot headings saying: "_Genius Songwriter who went Nuts: Hiding from Her Vampire Ex_!"

Besides, even if I can just say I'm hiding from an ex (without all the vampire and special ability elements), I don't feel obligated to tell each and every person I would work with the pathetic story of my _unrequited love_. They don't have to know the details, as I don't have to know, because I am not interested in knowing, their own personal lives.

Martha is the only one who truly understands me. She knows that I have a hard time adjusting to new people, and that I don't trust others easily. But I also told her the "_ex-boyfriend and family excuse_", omitting some of the truths. It's a white lie that my _ex-boyfriend_, who left me for dead in the woods, together with _his family_, have an extreme ability, like a psychic, to pick up my scent from anything and anyone…anywhere. Because of that, I don't want _him_ or _them_ ever to know where I am.

And if this is the only way for me to interact with others and share my talent in making music without blowing up my cover and risking my identity and whereabouts, no matter how extreme it may be, then Martha will gladly defend me and answer all of their questions. Martha has a way of making them understand it my way and convincing them that what I ask is not really something that is hard to give.

When I was just starting, it was really hard to have them convinced that this is the only way I would work with them. But then Martha would quickly ask them about what they've got to lose - when it's guaranteed I would still be doing my job and do it perfectly- and all I asked in return was a little discretion, that's all! Then, a faint smile would form on their faces, signaling that they understood, that what I asked of them was not much of a big deal. Besides, many of the studio executives and producers, even talent managers, who have seen my compositions, couldn't wait to have their talents sing them. Also, Mr. Kevin Burr, my record label producer is always there to help.

My requests could be odd, but in a bigger scale, they were really nothing…as long as I would do my end of the bargain.

And that I did! I did them very well! So, when I started making hit records for one artist after another, eventually, I was named the "_**Songwriter Empress**_". The people, who once hesitated on signing my contract, won't even think twice, much less read what's stated in the contract I would present them, and will sign their names away as long as they have another hit song on their hands. They don't really care what I ask of them. I could be asking them not to look at me and their backs on the wall the entire time I would be working with them, they wouldn't give a crap! They are actually happy working with me, since I am not a very difficult person to work with and pretty easy-going, once you get passed the odd requests. They can even manage to crack some jokes from time to time, like asking if I needed anymore rubber gloves.

I'm actually glad that this seems to be working well for four years now, and "_the cold ones"_ seem not to have a clue. Well, if _they_ do have an inkling of who I am now, I don't think that _they_ will be interested in knowing more. I know that I don't mean that much to _them _that if ever they see me again _they_ will never bother _themselves_ to even say hi.

So why do I go through all these trouble of oddball requests, peculiar contracts, concealment…and for Christ's sakes, rubber gloves? I don't know actually. I feel like that if _they_ have taken away their memories from me, managed to never come into my life again for seven years now, and kept the promise of _non-existence, _then I feel I should also do the same.

I should try to lie low indefinitely, like _I don't exist anymore_… If I could erase my existence off the face of the earth without actually dying, I could have done it already. But I can only do much. I know that there's one particular _vampire_ who can actually look into the future of other people. _She_ could have peeked into mine and see who I am now already, and all these things are all nothing but a wasted effort.

Well, I have thought of that, but I am more convinced that _she_ doesn't hassle _herself_ to check me, because if _she_ did, _she_ could have seen the trouble I had seven years ago. They should have gone back to Forks to help me, to protect me. Yet, they never came, _even when I asked for help_. So, I knew _she_ wouldn't be a problem when it comes to concealing my identity.

But the thought of having a p_sychic Vampire_ see through my disguise or not seems to be very insignificant at this point, because sooner or later I would have come out of my hiding place. Soon after the mini-concert, my face will be over the news, magazines and television shows…the _**real** "Isla Soleil", _ _sans all the disguise and rubber gloves_, will be introduced to millions upon millions of music lovers all over the world, particularly the fans of the songs I've made, as finally a _**recording artist**_! You should have been hidden deep away into some caves somewhere, miles and miles from civilization, with no television or radio, and no magazine or newspaper route, for you to possibly not know about me.

And I know a particular _coven of vampires_ who like to watch TV as _their_ pastime, and there would be no way that _they_ wouldn't know or hear about me after the event in 3 days. This is the reason why I'm getting panicky about this…not because of the possibility that _they_ would give a damn if I'm sort of a famous recording artist now - I'm more convinced that they wouldn't really care. I would really really like it if they would miss this news about me (though the idea seems impossible) as I don't want them to learn anything new about me... ever!

But I have no choice. This is something that I have to do. I promised my best friend Vanessa that I will do this… I owe her my success. I owe her for finding my gift. I owe her for helping me, _possibly the only way_, deal with my agony. I owe her my life in music. Actually, I owe her more than that ... I owe her my whole life…

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**Thanks for the wonderful reviews. I'm truly inspired to continue this fanfic...Update very very soon, probably in a few hours! *_^**


	4. Chapter 4 Vanessa

**_Author's Note: I'm so sorry for the delay...I have so far written 10 more chapters since the last upload. I'm trying to get Edward into the story...but I have to tie loose ends first. So, our Edward will be here...soon ^_^.._**

**_I don't own the story or the saga "Twilight." I also don't own the songs being used in the story...they're just inspiration...They belong to their respective owners and no copyright infringement intended._**

**_All I own is an old computer and an ipod...*_^_**

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_**CHAPTER 4**_

_**Vanessa**_

It is the inevitable. As much as I want to continue this masquerade, I really can't. This is the reason for the mini-concert event in three days - to blow my cover. It is my debut as a songwriter/**singer.** Yes! I, to the surprise of everyone, am a singer as well - a very good one, in fact. It is, I think, one of the reasons why the music industry executives and producers, when have their ears caught on my demo, are more easily convinced to work with me despite of my ridiculous demands. I write beautiful songs and sing them beautifully as well.

Before seven years ago, I wouldn't even think that I would be able to do something as great as this. I always thought of myself, other than being plain and clumsy, as someone who didn't have any special talent, someone very insignificant. As it turned out, it was only something that was hidden deep inside me; something dormant that was needed to be awakened. Vanessa had helped me discover about my talent 7 years ago.

Vanessa walked into my life several months after the unfortunate "incident" in the forest, around March. I've also been very good friends with Jacob months before I met Vanessa - around January when I just had an epiphany and was just starting to crawl out of my dark hole. However, I didn't see him as much as I wanted to since he had been spending more time with Audrina . He imprinted on her the day that I agreed to go out on a dinner with him. So, it meant that I was alone again - naturally.

But I had been better when it came to socializing with other people around that time, although I tried to keep my conversations within just a few people: Angela, Ben Cheney, and occasionally Mike.

Then one day, during lunch, I saw one girl sitting alone at the _Cullens'_ table. I swore that my heart felt like literally jumping out of my chest when I saw someone sitting at the table that had been vacant for months. It was Vanessa.

I, sometimes, would glance at _their_ table before, either hoping that maybe _they_ would be back, or just trying to remember how _they_ all looked like sitting there, playing with _their_ food, attempting to blend with the rest, and _him_ - intently gazing at me, with that crooked smile on _his_ face that I truly loved so much; until realization would hit me - that table would remain empty indefinitely.

So when I finally saw Vanessa sitting at the forbidden table, my heart palpitated; all of a sudden, I felt dizzy and it was hard to concentrate! I tried to hug myself because I didn't know if my head was starting to finally snap. I thought I could only hear "voices", now I was starting to imagine people too! Angela must have noticed my sudden discomfort. She gently shook me and asked if I was ok.

_"Are you getting sick? You look so pale!" _Angela, then, followed my gaze - towards _their_ table.

"_Bella, what is wrong?"_

_"Um…Angela? Can you see her?" _My gaze didn't leave that table.

_"Um…yeah! She's new here. I heard her name is Vanessa. She came from New York. She's a senior just like us. Why? Do you know her?"_

I left out a big sigh. Whew! What a relief! At least, I knew she wasn't a delusion.

_"No…I don't know her. I was just shocked to see that... someone... is sitting there…"_

I was unable to go on. I was certain that Angela knew what I've meant. It was a good thing she didn't ask anymore.

_"I see. You know. I met her this morning, in between the second and third period. She was walking, with her back to me, and you know, her jacket is almost similar to yours…so I thought she was you. I tapped on her shoulder, she looked back at me, and I realized my mistake. I apologized and told her that she looked just like you from behind. She smiled and said it was ok. She introduced herself and told me where she came from," _Angela explained to me, smiling.

_"Well, why is she sitting alone there? Doesn't she want to sit with us?"_

Michael, without my knowledge, was silently listening to our conversation.

_"I've asked her that. She seemed to be aloof. Well, I can't really blame her…not after Lauren and Jessica gave her those stern looks, I don't think anyone would like to go near this table again…If only looks could kill…," _Michael interrupted, shaking his head in disbelief.

I glanced towards where Jessica and Lauren (with her bad hair) were sitting. They were giggling, gossiping as usual. Those witches!

_"I wanna go, sit over there and introduce myself," _I found myself telling Angela.

_"Sure. I'll go with you."_

_"You sure?"_

_"Yeah! I'll just tell Ben. Gimme a sec."_

_"Ok…Thanks, Angela."_

_"No prob!"_

I waited for Angela while she was telling Ben her plan. She gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, we both stood up and started walking towards _that _table. Our table must have gone quiet because I couldn't hear Lauren's or Jessica's loud but annoying giggles over the noisy chatter. I could feel their deep stares burrowed on our backs. I didn't care. I was used to gazes like that. As we were near Vanessa, she suddenly stopped chewing her sandwich and looked at both of us.

_She's eating human food. _I thought to myself. She was definitely human. Besides, she didn't appear to be incredibly pale, or anything that seems to be out of the ordinary. She was beautiful though. I liked the color of her eyes…they were blue, like the ocean. Angela waved at her while I smiled.

_"Hi, Angela, right?" _She greeted us, with a sincere smile.

_"Hey! You remember! Well, this is Bella," _Angela pointed at me.

_"Hello Bella! I'm Vanessa."_

_"I know. Angela told me. We're just wondering if we can join you for lunch."_

Vanessa's smile widened.

_"Sure, sure…grab a seat. It wasn't so hard to find an empty place around here. You must have noticed that I was alone. Nobody seemed to like to seat at this table. So I just took it. "_

_"Yeah…it's been empty for a while." My life, like this table, has been empty too. _I said to myself.

_"I'm so sorry that if it seems like I was a snob. I could have gone over there and talked to you myself…It was just that…Well, I was actually invited by one of your friends a while ago…the guy with blonde hair…I wanted to say yes, but his girlfriends didn't seem so happy about it," _Vanessa admitted shyly.

_"Ah! Don't worry about those girls…they're just like that. They've got nothing else better to do other than to make others feel miserable. If you want, we can join you here everyday at lunchtime…unless you want your privacy…" _Angela offered.

"_Of course not! It would be nice to have you here! I just feel bad that it looks like I'm stealing you from your friends… you already got yourselves settled over there…"_

_"Hell no! They won't miss us, I'm telling you. Starting tomorrow, we will all sit here…I'll get my boyfriend Ben Cheney to join us…and most probably, Mike, the blonde hair guy will be joining us, too! If that's alright with you?" _

_"Are you kidding? The more, the merrier!"_

Vanessa smiled at both of us. I felt warm once more. I couldn't quite explain it but it seemed like an angel was brought down to heaven to guide me. It was the feeling of easiness towards a person that even though I didn't know much anything about her then, it was like we were already meant to be friends.

Every lunch, Angela, Ben, Mike, and I joined Vanessa at the _Cullens'_ table for lunch. It was like we were the _Cullens_ before, except the human version. We would pale in comparison, I'm sure…well, in the physical aspects of a comparison, that is.

But we were much livelier, more fun, and definitely louder. I thought that Jessica and Lauren's table was the loudest of all, not until I would realize for several times that they were gawking at us for how loud our laughter could be and I had to "shoosh" them, especially Mike.

Well, our loudness came from doubling up so hard because of all the funny stories that we would all share. I shared about one or two, mostly it was either Mike or Vanessa who got funny anecdotes up their sleeves; on the other hand, Jessica and Lauren's laughter and annoying giggles from the other table would come from their gossips and "funny" stories - funny only to them because they were at the expense of other people.

It wasn't so hard to like Vanessa. She was polite and kind. She was down-to-earth and funny. She wasn't scared to be herself, just like when she got her feelings hurt and felt angry, which happened from time to time, she grasped how to vent out her emotions without being trashy. She knew how to deal with people, even found herself trying all those absurdities while still keeping it real.

But the most incredible thing about her was that she was aware of just what to say, how to say it, how much to say, and when. She understood when being funny was appropriate and when to stop; when polite words were needed or when she would just look at you, smile, and wait until you're ready to spill the beans and hear her words of comfort; she was very kind and so optimistic - all of the advice she had me given during those desolate moments of my life were just uplifting. I still don't know how she could turn all those negative happenings into something constructive and encouraging…something inspirational!

Angela noticed those qualities in Vanessa too, and said that aside from me, Vanessa was the next kindest girl she met at Forks High…actually, in her entire life. Mike, on the other hand, didn't waste any time to express his "likeness" towards the new girl. But Vanessa politely declined, without hurting his feelings. She even made him convinced that it would be better if they could just stay as friends. Mike, for some reason, agreed just like that, without any discussion. I thought that maybe before asking her out, he was already resigned to the fact that he would be more likely to be turned down than to find Vanessa agreeing in going out with him, though he tried to ask her out anyway - just a typical Mike Newton!

Well, either that…or Vanessa was also good in _convincing_ people to see things in some way- just like her mother, Martha, they could be both very persuasive. But that little mishap of being turned down didn't discourage Mike from still hanging out with us. It was as if it didn't happen and went along with Vanessa's idea that being friends was much better than dating.

Ever since that fateful day at the lunch table, Vanessa and I became inseparable. Angela and I would still hang out all the time, but I couldn't be with her as much as I could since Angela already had Ben to spend time with. By the first weekend since I've met her, I already introduced her to Charlie. The following weekend, she introduced me to Martha.

Everyday, after school, if I wouldn't be working at the Newton's, she would be hanging out at our house - doing homework and helping me make dinner. Sometimes she would stay for dinner, but there were those days that she had to go home or else Martha would be disappointed if she couldn't join her for dinner again.

Every Saturday, after work, she would be at our house with her guitar, playing music. We would spend most of our Saturday afternoons just like that - she would be playing on her guitar, writing songs, making music; while I would be reading. She encouraged me to read once more, as I once almost gave up on doing that. She also got me into listening to music again. She got me convinced that activities as joyful as reading or listening to music shouldn't be given up, no matter how bad life had treated us.

We didn't hang out much on Sundays, though. Every Sunday, she and Martha would either drive to Port Angeles, or sometimes all the way to Seattle, to have a fun day - seeing a movie, dining out, shopping. She would invite me many times to go with them. Martha would invite me, too. But I just couldn't find myself intruding the mother-daughter bonding moments. Besides, there were house chores that I needed to attend to anyway.

Vanessa also got close to Jacob. Jacob is my best friend, as she was also turning to be one. It was only sensible to introduce them to one another. I knew that there wouldn't be a problem with these two as they were both easygoing and laid-back.

Boy, was I right! The moment they met, they just hit it off. Both of them were very similar in the way of thinking…like they knew what was in each other's mind at the same time. There would be a number of instances where they would be laughing even without telling what the joke was, a simple look at one another and they would be splitting their sides.

Usually, Audrina and I would be out of place, asking what could be funny. They couldn't even manage to utter an audible word to explain; they just kept on doubling over, while Audrina and I would stare at each and then back to them, wondering if these two had lost it.

_"Why did you wait a long time to introduce me to Nessie?" _Jacob managed to ask me one time. (Nessie was the special name that Jacob would call Vanessa, while she, on the other hand, would call Jacob…Jakey. Audrina got caught up in the middle of this name-calling, too. She became Audrey…which she really liked because Audrey Hepburn is her style icon. They tried to get me into their game as well, but "_Bellie_" was something not so appealing, when one could manage to think of upon hearing that word was a picture of a big fat abdomen.)

_"Because…you, sir, were very busy making Audrina fall in love with you, which took you about 6 weeks! Not bad, lover boy! Hahaha! Anyway, I didn't want to cramp your style or anything like that with a pair of girls trying to follow you around."_

It took about a month and a half after I met Vanessa for Jacob and I to start seeing each other again regularly. But things have changed for both of us. I was much livelier than he was used to, and him…well, he couldn't be much happier. He just found his soul mate, his truest and greatest love.

He found Audrina…


	5. Chapter 5 Audrina

_**CHAPTER 5**_

_**Audrina**_

About a month and a half after I've met Vanessa, Jacob started calling me again. Well, he actually still kept touch but not as much as he used to because he was trying to pursue the love of his life, his soul mate, Audrina. The day that Jake met Audrina was actually a funny account-well, to me at least.

Sometime in the last week of February that year, I decided to give romance another try. Jacob had been very good to me - understanding of my situation that he would never mock me for anything that had happened to me; patient that he would wait until I could open my heart once more, preferably to him, because he was aware I was still hurting; caring that he attempted to look after me and attend to my every whim; funny that he tried to make me laugh and never fail - he reminded me how to smile and laugh again; protective that he would be willing to hurt himself and give up his life, just so I could be safe and alive.

That very last thing, his unselfishness and willingness to give up his life for me, which he actually demonstrated days before I made a decision to go out with him, made me realize that if ever there would be another man on the face off the earth that I should go out with- in spite of the fact that what I was thinking then was much closer to impossibility, since I already knew before, as I still know now, that my heart only belongs to Edward - it would be Jacob who would be deserving of my attention and love.

It would be stupid of me not to try, after all what Jacob had gone through for me…It was only prudent to give him a chance.

So I called Jacob one February afternoon and told him of my decision to finally go out with him. He was ecstatic. I could feel his blissfulness overflowing, even though he was only at the phone that time. I could almost imagine Jacob giving me a bear-crushing hug of his, and probably would try to even kiss me. It was a good thing that we were only on the phone, because at that time, maybe I could only handle agreeing to go out on a date, or even give a little hug, but not kissing… Oh no! Not yet!

He was elated enough to ask me to go for dinner that night. I, even feeling reluctant, managed to say yes. I wasn't sure if I could make myself enough to believe that I was ready to move on, but the feeling and the knowledge that it was only right to make Jacob happy, after everything he had done, was the only incentive I had so I could go through with it.

Maybe in time, I would learn to love him fully. I hanged up the phone, feeling a little encouraged - I thought, maybe, what I was feeling was just nervousness, that's all! I was back at the game again, baby! They were only labor pains, I thought, and very soon I would get over this feeling of uneasiness.

Little did I know that Jacob wanted to surprise me that night. He drove all the way to Seattle right after we talked on the phone, into one of the big malls in the city to buy me a piece of jewelry. He managed to get me a 14k white gold Tiffany style charm bracelet. He even got it engraved. But a little mishap occurred while he was getting it inscribed. The machine broke down so the only things etched on the charm were the date of that day on one side, and his name "Jacob" on the other, although the plan was to include my name with his.

Jacob, being impatient with little misadventures like this, decided to take it anyway since he would be late if he tried to wait for the machine to be repaired. The store manager suggested that he could go back anytime to get the rest of the inscription free of charge or hand engraving - though it would take more time. He stormed out of the store fuming.

As he was getting out of the mall, there she was, Audrina - struggling with all of the shopping bags in her hands while trying to keep her composure and walk in a pair of 4-inch heel purple pumps. Her black kimono inspired dress, with a punch of purple satin sash tie, flowed perfectly around her slim body. Her black long hair with loose curls matched the soft features of her face.

The color of her delicate almond shaped-eyes was in deep color with a hint of purple, contacts perhaps, but nevertheless, they were full of expressions. She got a slight olive undertone in her skin, for she is part Asian - her mother is Japanese…but still, her skin is strikingly silky smooth. Her height is about 5'5", but another 4 inches from her shoes, she doesn't actually look bad standing next to Jacob.

And there he was, her Jacob, who suddenly stopped rushing out of the mall to gaze at her. He was intently staring at her like…like a blind man seeing the sun for the very first time…_Bada Bing Bada Boom! _

Just like that, in an instant, unbeknownst to anyone, Jacob Black had finally imprinted!

On the day that I decided I should give him a chance, by some kind bizarre twist of fate, he completely forgot how felt for me, also our supposed date for the night, then fell for another. It was like nature telling us that we were not meant to be.

He went and approached Audrina in an instant, offering her to help her carry her bags. Audrina reluctantly agreed to hand her bags to a stranger. For all she knew, Jacob could be a thief and would try to run away from her with her shopping bags. However, she couldn't deny the attraction she felt upon seeing Jake.

He, fortunately for Jake, was her type all long - tall, dark, and handsome. She also refuted the electricity that she felt when their hands touched as she handed her bags to him. She somewhat knew that he would be something special, but she couldn't just give in yet. She had to play hard to get. So when he asked her to go out for dinner that day (did he really forget about our dinner?) , she had to say no.

I, on the other hand, was feeling nervous all the time I was preparing for our alleged "date." I couldn't stop worrying if this was the right thing to do for both of us or if I would just mess up whatever friendship Jake and I got at the moment. Much later, I felt that my uneasiness was creeping all the way to my stomach.

And an a hour before Jake was supposed to pick me up, I was on our bathroom floor, curled up into fetal position, throwing up every 5 seconds, looking like hell. I didn't know at that time if I caught some kind of a flu bug or I was just really really really nervous! I knew there would be no way I could go out there feeling and looking like a mess; but there would be also no way that I would call Jake at that time and tell him that I wouldn't be able to go for the fear that he might think I was faking an illness so just I could back out.

I decided to wait for him to get to our house so he could see for himself, and I would just promise him another day to go out with him. The time when he was supposed to pick me up came and went, yet he didn't appear. I thought, maybe, he was just running a little late.

Another hour I waited, still Jacob wasn't there. I asked Charlie to call the Blacks for me and look for Jake; I was still tied up to our bathroom at that time, unable to move much. Charlie came back a little later, saying that Billy didn't know where Jacob could be. He actually thought all along Jacob would be at our place.

It was almost midnight when I finally decided to come up to my room, wondering where Jacob could be, thinking that Jake stood me up. Well, he didn't really do that since I wasn't already planning on going, but still, he was a no show! I wasn't irate about the whole situation. I was actually relieved! I wasn't also feeling nervous about his whereabouts, for I knew that no one would try to mess with Jacob - the way that kid would tower over people, anybody would think twice, no - probably about ten times, to try to hurt him.

I was thinking that maybe Sam had summoned him to come and he didn't have time to let me know. But he could easily tell Billy that he had some kind of a meeting with the _wolves_ and he couldn't come since he was only down there in La Push. So, I also thought that maybe, like me, he chickened out. I couldn't really blame him. As far as I knew, he never went on a date before, and if ever, that would be the first time. I even imagined him lying on a bathroom floor somewhere, curled up in a fetal position, throwing every five seconds, looking like hell…and Billy was ashamed to admit what had happened to Jake!

Ha! I laughed at that thought!

Once I got inside my room, I almost got a heart attack when I saw a figure sitting on the edge of my bed! He was here…right now… inside my room…looking at me! And he looked…he looked so sad, worried even. Jake was here all along!

_"Jake! What are you doing here," _I hissed while trying to whisper. I didn't want to wake Charlie up.

_"Oh Bells! I'm so sorry! I knew…I knew that I promised you that we would go out tonight. All day long, I'm telling you…all throughout the day, my mind was on our date tonight, nothing else. Then, something…something else happened, and you wouldn't believe it! But I can't tell you!"_

_"Well, why not?" _I was leaning more towards the "chickening out" theory upon hearing this.

_"Because…because Bells, I know you've been through a lot of pain. I know how broken you have been. And I know that you're still broken. I'm aware that I kind of was able to help, even just a little, to bring back all your broken pieces together, and I'm…I'm trying to help you hold yourself together. I'm actually happy that I was able to do that for you! _

_But then - buut I couldn't help it! I couldn't help that it happened and there's nothing I could do…There's nothing I could do about it. I just hope you would be able to understand…"_

_"You're not making any sense, Jake. I'm sure you didn't transform into some mystical creature again that you couldn't tell me, because I'm telling you that I wouldn't be able to guess it this time. Why don't you just tell me and I will guarantee you, and I'll promise you that I won't feel bad - ever! Just tell me what happened? Why didn't you come like you said you would?" _

I thought I was getting what I wanted all along…Jake realized that he didn't love me after all. Although I wanted that to happen, I was also hoping that it wouldn't break our friendship, break us apart. I was praying that after all this, we would still remain best of friends…like how we were before…

_"Ok, but if I was telling you too much, lemme know, ok? And I will stop. I don't wanna hurt you more with what I would say…God! I'm such a horrible person! Well, here goes nothing…_

Jacob took a deep breath before continuing…

_Bella, I met someone. I met someone and fell in love with her. I, finally imprinted, Bella, and I'm so sorry. I'm such a horrible person to do this to you, and if you ever don't wanna see my face ever again, I will accept and understand your decision. But please, please, please Bella, just lemme tell you that I never planned this - any of this. It just sorta happened. I know that my explanation is a piece of crap…but there's nothing else I could think of, except the truth. You know that I could never lie to you, ever! I'm so sorry…I really really am. I wish that someday you'll be able to forgive me…"_

Jacob was trying to explain all of these to me with his eyes tightly shut. I gently placed my hand on Jacob's shoulder, shaking him a little bit, so he would open his eyes and look at me. He slowly opened his eyes, one eye at a time, trying to peek at my expression…

_"Is that all?" _I asked him with a wide grin on my face.

_"You're not mad! You're not angry with me, for falling in love with someone else. You do realize though that I imprinted, right? This 'thing' goes like forever…"_

_"Yeah?" _I had this baffled look on my face…somewhat asking him what was the big deal about it.

_"You're not really mad? I mean that's great, that's really what I was hoping for, but don't go on pretending you're not - and then, break apart later when I'm gone…"_

_"Why in the world would I do that? You fell in love! That's not a crime!"_

_"But I, but I don't understand! Aren't you…aren't you jealous?"_

_"Jealous? Does it look I'm jealous? Should I be jealous? Jealous about what?"_

_"Well, you told me this morning that you're willing to give it a try… So, I thought - well, I thought that you finally, you know, fell in love with me…" _Jacob was now staring on the floor…

_"Ha ha!" _I laughed out loud "_Ooops! Charlie!" _I quickly covered my mouth with my hand, then tried to listen for Charlie. I realized that he was still asleep because I could still hear his loud snores. Jake looked at me like I was getting crazy.

_"Really? But how come when you came in, you looked like a mess…like you were crying because I stood you up!"_

I turned and look Jake intently in the eye.

_"Yes! I look like a mess because I think I was bitten by some bug. I spent the last few hours throwing up in the bathroom for like every five to ten seconds." _I saw Jake's face got worried so I had to assure him right away that I already felt fine, then I went on to try to explain things to him…

_"Jake, Jake, Jake, you know that I love you, right? I love you, Jake, and I always will! But see, I am not in love with you! And frankly, I don't know if ever I'm going to be in love with you - or with anyone for that matter. You know my heart belongs... to only one... even though he doesn't feel the same. And about what I said this morning, well, I meant it when I said I wanted to give it a try. I really did. After what you've done for me, two days ago, when you saved my life, and knowing what you want - well, at least, what you wanted this morning. Then, I thought that maybe I could try to make you happy, but I was also nervous, to tell you the truth. I was thinking that I might be making a mistake and just screw this up and our friendship would be over…"_

_"So you're not in love with me?"_

I shook my head…

_"And you're not jealous?"_

I mouthed the word "nope."

_"So you're not mad at me?"_

_"Never…"_

_"Whew! That's a relief!" _I finally found Jake smiling, his usual big grin, his first smile since I had seen him that night…

_"So, tell me - who is she? What's the name of the lucky girl?" _I asked him in a teasing voice.

_"Audrina…" _he told me, the sound of an almost religious devotion was there…Then, he looked at me, "_but there's a problem…"_

My eyes widened! _"What kind of a problem? Is she a very old lady?"_

Jake chuckled, _"Nope!"_

_"Is she an infant or someone under 15?"_

He was shaking his head infinitesimally_. "She's my age, Bella."_

_"Well, then, what's wrong with her? Is she one of those mentally challenged people? Although, there's really nothing wrong with that, you know? Love is love no matter who she is!"_

_"Yes, I know there's nothing wrong with that, but no, she's nothing like that. And even though she would end up to be a grandma, a baby or someone who joins the Special Olympics, I wouldn't even think less about her…" _

He then went on trying to describe Audrina in every way possible, leaving no detail behind - even how miniscule or absurd it might be…from the way she hid her nervousness by playing with her hair to the cute little dimples that would form on her chin when she spoke or bit her lip.

It was fun to watch Jake slipped into his very own world, into his very own universe. It made me curious how it would like to see them finally together. I also felt I already liked this girl, even I hadn't met her yet. She could make Jacob so happy, and in my book, that meant so much.

_"Well, then, Jake, what's your problem?"_

_"She's reluctant to go out with me. She didn't agree to go out for dinner tonight. I ended up following her in the mall, carrying her bags, just so then I could talk to her. But that's ok…I really love spending time with Audrina no matter how."_

_"What? What do you mean she doesn't wanna go out with you? Do you want me to go and talk to her, Jake? You know…just try to knock some sense into her! She would be craaaazyyyy… to say no to you! You're, you're Jake ! You're kind, caring, funny…you're even handsome! What else could she ask for? I…I," _

_I_ was starting to get irritated. This was really a problem then. Their story needed to be the one you find in the fairy tales where boy meets girl, then they fall in love! No questions asked!

"_Whoa! Whoa! Bells! Calm down! I've got this! Trust me! Besides, it's not like she doesn't like me. I'm sure she does. I could see it the moment our eyes met. Even though she didn't know me from before, if she was not really interested, she wouldn't be spending five and a half hours in the mall with me, would she? I know she was just playing hard to get…" _Jacob reassured me.

_"Well, that's a relief then!" _I finally breathed._ "At least we know that she's not an 'easy lay.' It should be a good opportunity for you; you can show her how she means to you; besides, I think it can make the whole courtship thing more memorable for both of you- when you guys look back as you get older, don't you think so?"_

_"Yeah, I guess," _Jake's face fell again, as if he wasn't convinced.

_"Then, there's no problem! I know you've got this, Jake! Just follow what your heart tells you, and you'll never go wrong…" _

I suddenly felt gloomy as I uttered the last words. I realized that _Edward_ followed _his_ own heart, and left me because I was not in it…I never was. Jacob must have had noticed the slight change in my tone and the sadness it brought. He looked up to me…apologetically.

_"That's not the real problem, Bells. You see, I've got to go to her and spend time with her so that I can convince her to give me a chance and be with me. I have to drive all the way to Seattle and then back. I know it would be hard…with the school and the thing with the pack, and also Billy. _

_But I'll manage. Whatever free time I could get, I mean to spend every minute of that with Audrina. But I am worried about you. You're going to be alone again…I know how unhappy you have been and I'm scared that you might go back the way you were - alone and lonely…" _

_"I am not lonely, Jake! I've got Charlie, Renee, Phil…I've got you and pretty soon, I'll be friends with your Audrina, too! I might be alone, but I'm not lonely! I can also manage. I'll just spend more time with Angela, I guess. Besides, I'll be happier if I see you living in bliss. At least, one of us got a happy ending," _

I winked at him and saw Jake smiled. He then suddenly lunged himself at me and gave me one of his bear-hugs, a very tight one, in fact.

_"You really are a good friend, Isabella Swan. I don't know what I could do to return the kindness and support you're showing me. I'm really fortunate to have you around."_

_"Well…" _I was struggling to say the words, almost choking, breathless from the tautness of his embrace. "_You…could…stop…breaking me…in…half…"_

_"Ha ha! Sorry! Better?"_

_"Much! And you know, you've done more than enough for me, you know? You don't really have to do anything! Remember just two days ago…remember?" _I cringed at the memory.

_"Of course! How could I forget? It was too much fun! You're just over-thinking things, Bells. You've got nothing to worry about! We were created to fight creatures like 'them'! Besides, I've got you covered. I might have imprinted on somebody else, but it doesn't mean that I'm done protecting you. The whole pack and I will serve as your personal guards…we'll watch over Charlie, too. We won't get 'her' near you or Charlie ever! I swear this to you!" _

Jacob seemed to be so calm as he said this. Being in love and imprinting must have had some calming effects on him, he was not even shaking in fury.

_"Really, Jake? Oh! It's me who should be saying 'I don't know what I could do to return the kindness…', because I would be really lost, or rather 'dead', without you! Can you - tell the pack that I say from the bottom of my heart 'thank you'? Though is it ok with them, being outside my house, standing watch? I mean it should suck for them, if Victoria wouldn't do the job of hurting them, boredom might finally do it, maybe even kill them? I'm sure they'd rather stay at the reservation than to babysit me!"_

_"Are you kidding? They're actually excited! Before I was the one who's been watching you here night after night after night, I couldn't even let anyone of them relieve me! They've actually gone and accused me of being greedy because I wouldn't share my night watching. They're pretty convinced that if ever Victoria will attack you, or send anyone again to get you, it will be here, at night. _

_So, they're pretty excited that they'll finally get some piece of the action! So don't worry about anything, alright? We were born to do this, and let us be happy with our mission in life and do our jobs. Forever enslaved, remember?" _Jacob was grinning as he told me.

_"Ok, if you say so. How could I argue, as if I could haul overgrown wolves out of here! So, it's you who are outside then, tonight is your night?"_

_"Yes…it's the least I can do after not showing up for our 'date'! Hahaha"_

_"Yeah…you suck at dates, you know that you could have at least called…" _

Jacob laughed again. He the, held my hand and gazed at me again.

_"I have something for you. I don't know if you would want it. I actually got it before I met Audrina today…" _He then took out the bracelet he got earlier.

_"Oh, Jake! It's beautiful! Oh, my! This is really nice…"_ I examined the bracelet…saw the date and Jacob's name etched on the charm. I suddenly realized that I was not the deserving owner of that gift. Jake must have noticed the change in my expression.

_"What's the matter? Don't you like it? Is it ugly? Because I swear that the lady told me that girls would love that and I should have just bought the other one instead…"_

_"Shush, Jake! It's nice, it really is! I love it! I really do. I just don't think that you should give that to me. You should give it to Audrina, that's hers now…"_

_"What? I got it for you. It's yours and I can get Audrina her own, you know? Besides, it was really your name that was supposed to be there with mine. The machine just broke so they didn't put yours. I could have waited for them to repair the machine but I would be late, so I took off and that's when I saw her…"_

_"See…see that? It just goes to show that this bracelet is not really mine! My name was not supposed to be written beside yours. It's hers instead, as fate intended. If the machine didn't break, or if you hadn't been impatient and actually waited for them to repair it, you wouldn't have taken off at the moment that you should have, and you wouldn't be able to meet her…You see? This is not mine, this is hers, all along…so give it to her, ok? I'm sure she'll love it!"_

_"Well, if you put it that way, then, I'll take it back. I'll give you something else, then! Just please let me do that. It will be just a little something from me. In the meantime, I should let you rest. You look so tired…"_

I didn't remember I was being sleepy, not until he mentioned it. I involuntarily yawned at the thought of sleeping.

_"Well, that's a pretty good idea… all that hurling really drained the hell out of me! So, I guess, I'll just talk to you then. You will call, right?"_

_"Of course! And as soon as she becomes my girlfriend, I'll bring her down here and introduce her to you - or whenever she thinks it's fine. ASAP ok?"_

_"Wow! My best friend has finally imprinted! He's in looovvee! You're really lucky, you know, that you've got a girl who's not only pretty, kind and fashionable! She talks cars, too! That's rare…" _

I actually knew _someone_, from another life, a drop-dead gorgeous _vampire_ but an automobile enthusiast too…

_"I know! The woman knows her cars, too! What else could I ask for, right?"_

_"Yeah, you should be thankful, Jake…"_

He then stood up and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

_"Good night, Bells... if you need anything, I'm just outside…"_

He was about to jump out of the window, when I suddenly remembered something.

_"Um…Jake, can I ask you a favor?"_

_"Yeah, sure. What is it?" _Jake turned to me, with one foot up already on the windowsill.

_"Promise me Jake that no matter what happens, no matter what the future might look like for you and Audrina, no matter how 'dangerous' life might be for both of you, don't ever…ever…leave her! If you truly love her, you'll stay with her until the end of time. Don't break her heart…" _

I stared at Jake sincerely, letting him know that I truly meant what I said…I know he wouldn't leave her, but I wanted to be sure. I had to make him promise me, he never broke a promise with yet - unlike _somebody else_ I knew from another lifetime.

_"Don't worry. I won't leave her…ever! I promise…"_

I smiled at him and nodded. He then went and jumped outside. I slept peacefully that night-knowing that Charlie and I would at least be protected from Victoria with the pack around, relieved that Jacob and I could still be best of friends without being awkward as his infatuation towards me was already gone, and last but not the least, glad that Jacob had finally found his soul mate, the one who he could call his own for the rest of time, just as fate intended it to be.

A week after that, I met Vanessa. So, I didn't actually feel so alone without Jake around so much. Although I had missed him, I knew he was in a better place—happy with Audrina. With Angela, Ben, Mike, and most especially, Vanessa, I continued to stay normal, at least to what others could see, as what Jacob had wished I would do. He started it all-Jake tried to help me feel whole once more.

Although I was broken, he tried to bring all the shattered pieces together so I could feel alive again. I knew I couldn't be as unimpaired and unabridged again as I was before - before I met the _Cullens_ and fell in love with _Edward_. I knew Jacob could put all those pieces together, but the cracks would be there…they would always show because I would always be hurting.

Besides, how could someone feel complete when there's something missing? My heart - I didn't have my heart…_he_ took it with _him_ - and forever _he_ shall have it. However, I didn't want Jacob's effort to go to waste. He deserved so much more than that. I failed at falling in love with him to make him happy…I could at least try to hold myself together and have a shot to live my life as normal as possible.

That's where Angela, Ben, Mike and Vanessa had become so helpful so I could go through my ordeal and not to be so grief stricken. Without these people in my life, especially Jake and Vanessa, I still don't know what I would be now…in what state I would find myself in.

Another week went, and finally, I met Audrina face to face. My first impression of her was really good that I didn't feel any discomfort being around her. In fact, she must have felt the same, since she hugged me so tightly the moment we were introduced, and I sensed no hesitation from her.

She even said that she felt she knew me already because Jacob had told her everything about me. I looked up at Jacob questioningly, forgetting that the whole _imprinting _gave Jacob permission to tell Audrina everything - no matter how ridiculous and _mythical_ it might sound.

I didn't worry about how Audrina would react to the whole "turning-into-wolf-especially-when-there's-rage" thing. I was more apprehensive about the fact that Jacob was in love with me before; although it didn't really bother me much, but I learned that there are some people who are especially sensitive about the case of an ex…or in my case, not really as Jacob's ex, but more of an old love.

_"Hope you don't feel weird about it. I mean about me and Jacob. It was actually nothing! We're nothing more than just best friends…like a brother and a sister. I hope you don't feel awkward around me. I really want you to feel comfortable…" _

I was with Audrina in the kitchen. She was helping me prepare dinner for Charlie, while Jacob and Charlie were outside trying to change the oil in my truck. I was just reassuring her that what Jacob and I had was just a small speck compared to what she and Jacob would have…if she would agree to be his girlfriend, and I was hoping very much that she would be…

_"Oh, no! Don't even worry about that! Jake has told me everything. I actually liked it when he told me about you - I appreciate the honesty, well-he doesn't really have any choice, because he just can't hide anything from me. But at the same, I learned how loving and caring Jacob could get. And with the whole "imprinting" stuff, he assured me that I would be the only one and the last girl in his life! It's like he could never look at other girls like that anymore. So, I know that there's nothing for me to worry about. __Besides, I'm not that jealous when it comes to ex's. I've got a boyfriend, too before, and he still keeps in touch with me from time to time, just friendly conversations, since I'm already over him and he has clearly moved on with a new and very serious relationship of his own. Jacob knows about that and I asked him not to feel weird about him either."_

_"So, are you saying that Jake got a good chance then - when it comes to you? You know, because it seems like you're already including him in your future, and it shows that you also care about him…" _

_"Oh yeah, definitely. Jacob is the nicest guy I've known, aside from my dad, of course. My parents met him already and they do really like him. My dad would even refer to him as his 'son'. I'm an only child and I know that Dad was very eager to have his own son, and Jacob is just…perfect. Plus, when I met Jake, it was like the world stopped… moving, you know? I couldn't hear anything, I couldn't see anything, but just him. I was being drawn near Jake. So when he approached me and offered me his help with my shopping bags, I just couldn't say no. He asked me to go to a dinner that day though…I wanted to say yes, but I was being hesitant. It took a great effort on my part to refuse a dinner with Jake. But I made a compromise with myself, and I spent so many hours in the mall with him! I was so positive that Jake never spent that much time inside a mall! Hahaha…"_

_"Yeah, he doesn't like shopping, well, unless for car parts!"_

_"Oh! I've got that covered alright! Hahaha! It just feels so right…like we're puzzle pieces that fit each other, just faultless!" _Audrina was smiling as she told me this.

_"Well, what's holding you then? If you already knew that you are perfect for each other…"_

_"Well, between you and me…" _

Audrina whispered softly that I could barely hear her; she might be aware already of Jake's super sensitive hearing, although I wasn't sure if Jacob, being outside, couldn't hear our conversation if she whispered low enough. I never knew the range of his super hearing ability. But it was like Audrina could read my thoughts, she quickly said,

_"Don't worry, he wouldn't hear me, he's outside! Well, you could say that I'm being hard to get, giving him a difficult time. But it's just a little challenge! I decided 6 weeks of courtship would be enough. So, very soon we would be officially together. It's just that with this imprinting, he got it so easy, because he already knew that we're meant to be. _

_Unlike the rest of us, especially girls, who need to kiss a lot of frogs before they could finally meet their own prince…and if we would be lucky enough to find him. I know I'm very fortunate and it sounds so crazy that I'm trying to delay everything. I'm making it more unforgettable for both of us, like he had to convince me everyday that he's right for me and all. It was just a little elbow grease on his part. Hahaha! I just thought it was romantic that way…"_

_"Yeah, I really think that girls shouldn't give in so easily to guys. I mean it's men who should totally pursue the women, and work hard to get them…so they would think twice of leaving, if ever that thought would occur, they would remember how hard it was in the beginning…" _

I was suddenly depressed by this thought.

I remembered that I was the one who pursued _Edward, _well, kind of. If I didn't show any inkling that I liked _him_, if I didn't let _him_ know that _his situation_ didn't matter anymore, _he_ wouldn't have pursued me, even if _he_ liked me in the first place. I fell for _him _so easily, and _he_ didn't have a hard time to make me fall in love with _him_.

I practically just handed _him_ my heart, my mind, even offered _him_ my soul. So it wasn't really that difficult for _him_ to discard me too! I didn't want to think about that anymore. Things were going better now, there should be no need to torture myself, at least not now…maybe later, tonight, when I would be by myself.

_"So, you never asked me how I reacted when Jake finally told me about the whole _'_shape-shifting' thing that he got going on?" _

_"Well, it seemed like you took it perfectly well, or else, Jake would be calling me the minute you started screaming and running away from him…" _She smiled at me as I told her this. _"Besides, I imagine it was just like when I met - 'him', my ex. I'm sure Jake had told you about 'him'. The whole existence of 'his kind' is the reason Jake transforms."_

_"How did you react? What did you tell Ed…I mean… 'him'? You're not scared?" _

Audrina suddenly became so interested - watching me closely, leaning more towards me so she could hear every word that I would say. It was no doubt that she was dying to know more about my relationship with the Cullens…she couldn't just bring the topic up, as Jake could have warned her that I would be sensitive about it. Since, I had brought it up myself, it was only fair for me to answer her questions.

_"Well, I didn't really get scared. It was funny when 'he' would be so perplexed towards my reaction… 'He' said that it wasn't normal. I should be screaming and running away from 'him'. But I didn't. All I could say was that it didn't really matter, I would still love him, nonetheless. It actually convinced him…well, for a while. But in the end, he still left…" _

I suddenly realized that I stopped dicing the tomatoes and just stared at the wall in front of me. Audrina must have noticed this and suddenly panicked, thinking that I might throw a fit.

_"You know what…let's not talk about that anymore. It's not worthy of our time, right? Just teach me what is that you're doing with your dinner…I wanna know how to cook, I mean Jake is so hungry all the time! He could actually finish a tray of eggs in one day! My golly! That guy! I don't know where he put it all! Besides, I can't just keep cooking scrambled eggs for him…"_

_"Haha! Sure! Well, have you ever seen the whole pack eating altogether? It's unbelievable! It's a disaster! Food would be gone in like… 5 seconds! Poor Emily needs to cook for all of them…But she really enjoys it."_

_"Hahaha…yeah, Jake mentioned Emily to me, the other 'wolf girl'. I'm actually gonna meet them this weekend. They're having a meeting about that vampire 'Victoria'? They told me she's still around," _she then looked at me with pitiful eyes._ "Aren't you scared? I don't understand why she hunts you down like that anyway!"_

_"Yes, I, I am scared…but more for Charlie, though. He doesn't have a clue..." _Then I showed her the mark that James had left me. I saw her eyes widened with shock…

_"Oh, my! Is that…is that a bite? Who did that? And if you were bitten, how come you're not…" _She suddenly moved back, thinking that I could be one of the "cold ones." Ha! How I wished that was true!

_"Yes, this is a bite. James did this; he's Victoria's mate. And no, I didn't turn into someone like 'them' so don't be scared…" _She shyly moved closer to me, embarrassed by her reaction a while ago, but nevertheless, still curious.

_"But how come you're not…I mean you didn't turn into…Don't tell me you're immune to it!"_

_"Ha ha! No! He…" _

I was very hesitant to talk about this…not only because that particular event in my life was a painful one, but also, it was one of the those moments when I finally thought that _Edward_ really loved me, because _he_ saved me from James, but turned out to be a lie, anyway.

_He_ didn't love me…_he_ saved me because _he _thought _he_ needed to, since _he_ had been fighting to keep me alive the moment we had met. It was nothing but a job, or a challenge, or maybe even a bet - how long could _he_ keep the silly human alive…Then I continued telling the story to Audrina.

_" 'He', my ex, 'he' sucked the venom out before it spread all over and reach my heart. 'He' tasted my blood, which, according to 'him', the most potent blood 'he' ever encountered-even before tasting it… 'he' could tell through my scent. So 'he' thought 'he' wouldn't be able to stop, but eventually, 'he' did…well, just soon enough that I'm still alive…"_

_"Oh, ok…Ha! That was interesting!" _Her eyes had more questions than before.

_"What is?"_

_"Um…nothing! Didn't I tell you that we wouldn't be talking about him for the rest of the day, at least. Let's just focus on the dinner…"_

_"Ok…" _

And just like that, I knew that Audrina was very similar to Jacob in many ways. She could understand how painful it was for me to go down the "Cullen Memory Lane", so she wouldn't insist in knowing more…even if she really wanted to.

She was very also very funny, just like Jacob - and with the two of them together, I would be laughing my head off. Plus, I could feel that she cared for me like a sister. Almost everyday, she would give me a call, just asking how I was. Even the call would be short, it would still be sweet.

And she never looked at me with a pair of pitiful or judgmental eyes during the times that I would be zoning out, lost in the memory of my past, which I would still be doing until now. She always had this understanding expression that said everything would be alright…


	6. Chapter 6 The Twins

_**CHAPTER 6**_

**The Twins**

Few weeks had passed, and as Audrina had promised, she and Jacob were officially together. Jake was ecstatic! It was like he won the presidential race or received a Nobel Prize! He called me up to tell me the good news. He didn't talk much though, as he couldn't wait to go over to Audrina's house to see her.

Around that time, Vanessa and I had already become very close friends. She would spend time staying at our house, helping me prepare dinner, or doing homework together. I had mentioned her to Jake on many occasions, and by that, I meant during those seldom and short phone calls that Jake would make.

So, he invited me, and Vanessa as well, to go down to La Push one Saturday in April, because it was Audrina's birthday. Jake just sounded one of those parents excited for his child's upcoming party. I couldn't say no to that. Vanessa agreed to come too, for she had been wanting to meet Jake, my other best friend.

_"I like her - your pal Vanessa. She's really nice and easy going. And very funny, too…even wacky sometimes." _

We were at the porch, eating the second tray of birthday cake that Emily baked for Audrina. It was really good, and a cake as good as this, a tray wouldn't be enough with a pack of hungry wolves around. Four trays would be ample.

_"I knew you would like her. Angela and Ben like her too. I've been very blessed with friends now! I'm surrounded by the very best…" _

I was leaning to him, happy with my fulfillment, when suddenly I felt a vibration coming from his jean pocket. He then took out a very sleek iphone 3G.

_"Mr. Jacob Black! You're holding a very brilliant - but complicated, may I mind you - piece of technology right there!"_

_"Haha! This? Audrina gave this to me…as a gift…" _

He said it with a hint of embarrassment in his tone, while strenuously read whatever message he got…

_"Aren't you supposed to be the one giving her a gift? It's her birthday, you know?"_

_"Wow! For someone who doesn't believe in gifts, you actually know when gift-giving is appropriate! F.Y.I., Bells, I gave her a gift…remember the bracelet? I finally got her name engraved into it with mine…And this one, well, this…she gave me this on our first 'week anniversary'."_

_"What? First week? You're celebrating anniversary on a weekly basis?" _

My forehead was all wrinkled with confusion, because of the new information he shared with me.

_"Well, it was actually my idea! At first, I told her that I wanted to celebrate anniversary on a daily basis. You know, I had this picture in my mind that we would be ending everyday with a celebration…while I would be starting it with my efforts of making her fall in love with me all over again. I promise her that I wouldn't' stop showing her how much she means to me, even if she'd already said yes. But then, she thinks that it was too much…daily anniversary…"_

_"Well, duh! Yeah!" _I interrupted. Jake didn't mind me.

_"So, she suggested to do it monthly, since she knows some friends of hers who would celebrate 'monthsary'. But I thought that it takes too long to wait for a month, so I said how about every other day then. She still didn't want it, so we ended up with our 'week-a-versary' instead." _

I didn't notice that my jaw dropped as he tried to explain to me their ridiculous ritual of celebrating their relationship. Jake, while laughing, slowly closed my mouth for me with his hand.

_"Well, that sounded more like an 'emo week' for me! So, she got you a phone? What did you give her? Is gift-giving necessary?" _

I bombarded him with questions, trying to shake off the notion that they were being outlandish… _They're in love, Bella…give them a break!_

_"I gave her 3 dozens of white roses - white roses are her favorite, and also, it shows the purity of my intentions toward her. And no, gift-giving is not really required. But she keeps coming up with all these gifts…that are actually kind of expensive. She has money to spend, you know. Her family is, well, rich, but they never mind that I am not. They don't even boast about their riches or status. _

_S__till, it doesn't feel right that I take all these gifts from her, but it will hurt her feelings if I refuse them. So, I try my best to come up with my own. I've given her charms - wood carvings of a wolf or a shoe or a heart. I've carved them myself, something that Billy had thought me to do. Thank goodness that she really likes those! She even wears them around her ankles…like an anklet. If I don't have any charm to give her, I just buy her flowers. The very last one was a dozen of purple roses…just like the color of her eyes and her clothes the first time I saw her…"_

_"Jake…you're a very sweet man! I know that Audrina wouldn't mind if you give her inexpensive gifts. If you're uncomfortable with the expensive ones, then let her know…ask her to save those when it's your 'real anniversary', right Jake?" _I saw Jake squinting his eyes as he was trying to read his message.

_"Yeah, I guess you're right. I'll try to talk to her…"_

_"What's the matter? It seems like you're gonna bust a nerve trying to read your message?"_

_"I can't understand some of the words that Audrina would text me…"_

_"She texts you? But she's just…she's just inside your house…"_

_"Ha ha! We often do this! There are times when we're already together, doing homework or watching TV, we would still be texting one another. But I just couldn't understand Text Talk!"_

_"Hmmm…she's bringing you to a whole new world, my friend…"_

_"What? What do you mean?"_

_"I mean besides the texting, it seems like you're wardrobe is getting more... sophisticated…" _I was eyeballing him from head to toe.

_"This! Just one of her gifts. She was really itching to change my whole outfit. I actually like shopping now, come to think of it! I thought, well before I've met her, that shopping was some kind of torture, that it was something hard to do. _

_But I was wrong, because she's so good at it. I never have to struggle to find the right style for me, but I already broke two of the shirts and jeans she gave during a couple of times that I had to phase. But she didn't get mad. She was even happier that at least, she now had found a new reason to shop more often, and that is to replace the clothes I would rip…"_

_"You see! You've crossed that world! But that's ok, I've never seen you so happy like this so I know that it's the right thing. Besides, it's only fair, you know. You've introduced her to your world of mythical legend, you have to explore hers, too. Plus, you've got a middle ground, anyway, the girl talks CARS!"_

_"I guess you're right…It's only fair! She became very understanding and accepted me for who I am; it's only right that I embrace the things that make her happy. So, I just have to memorize Text Talk this time…"_

_"It's not really that hard…" _I, then, took out my very _own_ iphone 3G.

_"Isabella Marie Swan! You're holding a very brilliant - but expensive, may I mind you - piece of technology right there!" _Jake was confounded as he saw me playing with my phone.

_"I know! I know! Courtesy of Charlie Swan! He said that I have improved a lot since I started hanging out with you, Vanessa and Audrina. He felt that I had to get something, as a reward, for trying. I felt like a kid with a bribe. I didn't even want to accept it. _

_But we made a deal that if I pay for the monthly bill, I would take it. He didn't want to agree since he wanted to pay for the bill, too. But he knew that I wouldn't budge, that it's the best deal he could get, so he agreed anyway. Besides, I don't even know how to use this! I only how to open and read my texts, and also reply. I can also answer some calls. But if I could, I prefer using my landline phone…" _

I saw Jake's jaw dropped this time. I, then, slowly closed his mouth with my hand for him.

_"How come you never told me that you already got a cell phone?" _

He suddenly questioned me!

_"Well, how come YOU didn't tell me you have a cell phone? Besides, I don't even know my own phone number!" _

I was seething…annoyed that he would dare ask me the reason of hiding the fact that I already got myself a cell phone when he did just the same. Moreover, I wasn't the type of person who would show off her new gadget to others.

_"I'm so sorry. Can I see it?" _

Jake calmly asked me. I handed him the phone without saying a word. He then started touching the screen. After a very short moment, he gave me back the phone.

_"There, I entered my number in your directory, and I used your phone to call mine, now I know your number! So, are you really good in 'Text Talk'?" _I was certain he was trying to cheer me up, after that _mini-fit_ I just showed.

_"Uh-huh! it's not really that hard. Just a couple of letters missing, acronyms, you'll be able to figure it out! I'll teach you…" _

I didn't feel irritated anymore. I saw Jake smiled - with his warmth, how could I stay mad at him? It's not possible!

Just then, Vanessa and Audrina came out with sodas in their hands.

_"Hey, Bella, I've been looking all over for you! I thought you were in the kitchen, washing the dishes, but it turned out it was Vanessa all along! You guys really look alike from behind…"_

_"I was just helping Emily, she seemed overwhelmed with all the dishes stack up in the kitchen. So I offered to help. We even shared recipes! She cooks really well. No wonder Jake and his friends are incredibly huge! There's no way you could put all those food to waste…" _

I was glad that Vanessa and Emily went along, not that I really thought it could be a problem. But just to be on the safe side, I already warned Vanessa not to stare at Emily, because Emily's boyfriend, Sam, wouldn't like that. The moment she saw Emily, she understood what I was referring to.

_"Oh gosh! I'm so sorry! I didn't know that you guys were already cleaning up! I wanted to help. You should have told me!" _I was starting to get up to go inside to the kitchen, when Audrina held me on my shoulders like she wanted me to stay.

_"Bells, don't worry about it! I didn't even do anything! Vanessa and Emily were almost done when I showed up in the kitchen. Besides, with those two…they could rule the kitchen world!" _Audrina was now patting Vanessa on the back…

_"Well, I'm sure there will be more dishes later…I'll just take care of those." _I wasn't going to let them do all the cleaning without me helping. I didn't want to feel useless. I then saw Jacob looking at me, then at Vanessa, and finally back to me. It was funny to watch his eyes go back and fort at us.

_"What in the world are you doing, Jake?"_

_"You know what! I think Audrina's right! You guys really look a like, except for your faces - her eyes are blue and yours are brown, the shapes of your brows and your noses, and the shape of your faces are different. But everything else about the two of you is just the same-body shape, height, your skin… especially your hair! You guys are like twins! That's freaky!" _Jacob looked more fascinated than freaked out with his observation.

_"Well, what's wrong with it, then - if we look alike?" _I questioned Jacob at his motives for bringing this up…

_"Nothing! It was just that now I realize that we already have twins in the family! Hahaha! Bella and Vanessa!"_

We all smiled at the thought. Since then, Jacob and Audrina would call us the twins. Everytime Jake would invite me to go to La Push, he would always ask me to bring "my twin." We already got used to it actually. Besides, I didn't mind to look like Vanessa at all. Vanessa was very pretty - although our faces weren't the most parallel trait that we had.

But still, to be compared to her and say that I looked like her was flattering.


	7. Chapter 7 Francis

_**CHAPTER 7**_

_**Francis**_

From behind, as Angela earlier pointed out, Vanessa and I really looked a lot like each other. My hair and hers were similar…chocolate brown color, silky straight, up to our waists. We were mistakenly identified as the other in school for so many times that we would sometimes played a prank of confusing them by wearing each others' jackets and backpacks.

There were also some other physical traits that were comparable for both of us, aside from our hair. Our height, for instance, that was the other reason it was so easy to confound others. Our complexion was about the same…I was just a little bit paler. The color of our eyes would give us away…while hers was the color of the ocean, mine was the color of chocolate.

We both liked to cook. Vanessa was an excellent cook. Charlie grew very fond of her because of the dishes she would teach me to serve him. We also both enjoyed reading, especially the classics. She was fond of "Persuasion", while I love "Pride and Prejudice" and "Sense and Sensibility." Music was something both of us enjoyed.

However, our level of enthusiasm for music was a different. I was content of listening and appreciating songs. She, on the other hand, took it to another level - a much higher level. She loved to compose her own melody, write her own lyrics. It was therapy for her, she would say.

But later in time, she would share with me that kind of passion that she had for songs. I would become a songwriter myself. She would teach me how to convert all of my negative feelings brought upon by the unhappy experiences in my life through music. Making songs, and singing them, would be, surprisingly, a therapy for me too!

The encounters we had in life were very similar also. She moved to Forks from New York City brought about by a terrible incident she had about two years before she moved. Of course, as all of the terrible, but somewhat parallel experiences for many girls, a certain boy would definitely be involved.

In her case, his name was Francis Russell. Francis was her childhood friend, classmate and neighbor. They had known each other since forever. Their mothers were good friends, too. Heck! They even had a baby picture taking a bath together!

It wasn't long enough, at 14, while they were in junior high school, that Francis had asked her to go out with her. Without even blinking, she said yes, for she knew very well that it was Francis who seemed to be what her heart was calling for, her soul was longing for. Although at that age, I was a little baffled at how she would certainly know. She just said love just moves in mysterious ways.

She said that they were pretty decent when they were going steady, unlike other couples her age who could be kissing and touching each other in the hallways of school and in ways that could be considered illegal - they, on the other hand, remained sweet but respectful of each other. She appreciated that from Francis. She also told me how protective and caring he was when it came to her.

Everyday, he would pick her up so they could go to school together and then drop her off at her house, never leaving her until she was safely inside. They would also often study together as they both tried to achieve good grades to get into NYU. They were setting and trying to reach their goals together.

Then, it was during summer before junior year when the terrible incident happened. She started telling me the story when Francis brought her to a fancy restaurant.

_"The maitre d' would eye us suspiciously, thinking that we would walk out after our dinner without paying. Little did she know that Francis came from a wealthy family. He and his family just didn't like showing it off too much by riding an expensive car or living in a mansion. He even attended public schools so he could live a normal life. If he was a little bit different, I wouldn't imagine how I could meet a guy like him," _Vanessa would happily reminisce.

After the dinner, they went and took a carriage ride through Central Park. Vanessa noticed that Francis had been extra extra extra romantic that night.

"_He would constantly stare at my face, trace it delicately with his fingers - like he was memorizing it over and over again. I would often feel kisses being planted on my cheeks, lips, forehead, or hair._ _And if he wasn't kissing me, either he would lean his forehead into mine, or he would whisper 'I love you's' into my ear. We were not the 'showy' type of couple that we would constantly make a public display of affection. But that night, he couldn't care less. I would admit, I was thinking he was acting a little out of the ordinary, but I didn't want to ruin our night. _

_After the ride through the Park, he brought me home. When I opened the door to our living room…there, I found it - his gift for me - a nice red mahogany piano. There was no occasion, but he just felt like giving me something. He knew that I had been wishing for a piano of my own. I only had a guitar at that time. But if there were times that I was itching to play some keys, I would go to their house and use his. He was very musically inclined too. I then cried at the sight of it…it was just so touching! I could have screamed out of joy too, but Mom was already asleep upstairs and I didn't want to disturb her. _

_As soon as he realized I was crying, he held me in his arms and wiped my tears away. He then brought me to the piano bench and had me sit on his lap. I didn't ever want to move from that position…if only I could stay forever with him like that. I didn't want him to go, and I know that he didn't want to leave me that night either. But with Martha, sleepover was still taboo…well, I'm sure I can't still have a guy sleeping over at our house now - if ever I'll have one. So, he had to leave. It was summer at that time, and his family would be at the Hamptons as they always had been every summer, to visit his grandparents. It was getting late and he still needed to drive all the way to the East Hampton, which would take him about 2-3 hours from Manhattan, just to get there. So, even though I didn't want him to go away, I had to let him go. _

_He kissed me before he went out the door. I remember that kiss to be so passionate, so warm…and my heart was racing as he was kissing me with so much intensity. I had to break that kiss, much to my regret. He looked at me, and his eyes were pleading to not let him go. I uttered the word 'go' without any sound coming from my lips. I couldn't talk much; I felt weak as if I was trying to hold myself from keeping him there with me that night. His face fell, and then, he held me close. He whispered into my ear saying, 'You're the love of my life…and I will never ever let you go…I love you so much and I always will…' _

_He sounded so sad that I had to remind him that I would see him again in a couple of weeks. I knew that he would get so anxious if we would be apart for more than a day - one of the reasons why he wouldn't go to vacation trips that his family would book, as most of them were abroad and it would take them weeks to come back. _

_But their vacation at the East Hampton was a family tradition. It was something he would do to please his mom, and I understand that perfectly. But he and his family asked me though to go with them, as they knew how anxious Francis would get when I would be out of his sight. I just had to decline. It was summer and I didn't want to leave Martha all by herself. _

_So…even he was very indisposed and averse, he finally left, squeezing and holding on to my hand as I was walking him out to his car. I remember the last look at his face as he was about to drive away. He was staring at me, smiling ever so sweetly. I've never seen him so handsome, so charming, so loving. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I wanted to run to him, ask him to stay with me all night, and ignore Martha's wrath in the morning, because for some reason, I suddenly felt weird. It was like a voice in my head was telling me that I was about to make a mistake if I let him go… and that I should ask him to stay. _

_But I didn't listen to my intuition. I stood firmly, held on to whatever strength I had left so I would not stop him from going, and watched him drive away…Tears were finally running down my cheeks…_

_I then went inside, had a last look at my piano, and headed upstairs to get ready for bed. I was already in bed but I couldn't sleep. I just couldn't shake the feeling of anxiousness that I felt earlier when he was about to drive away. But I kept telling myself that there was no need to be nervous. I was just being silly and everything would be fine. I then tried to keep that weird feeling away. I started reminiscing about the romantic evening that I just had. _

_I wasn't aware when I finally had drifted into sleep, but I suddenly startled out of bed, awakened by the loud ring of the telephone in my room. I glanced at my alarm clock…it was only 5:30 in the morning. I wondered who would be calling that early. I then quickly grabbed the receiver, as I didn't want to wake Martha; it was Sunday, and she loves to sleep in on Sundays. _

_When I answered the phone, I recognized right away the voice on the other end…it was Cynthia, Francis's mom. She was sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't understand what she was trying to say through all those sobs and wailing. I could only recognize Francis's name as she said it. I began to panic. I didn't have any idea yet as why she would be crying, but I knew…or more like my heart knew, as it was trying to jump out of me, in fear and nervousness…that something bad had happened to Francis. _

_I still couldn't understand what she was trying to say and I was getting impatient, so I could have unknowingly screamed at her trying to ask her what happened. Right then, Martha barged into my room…she was looking at me, puzzled…as to why I yelled, then patiently waited as she tried to listen to my conversation. I didn't know when Cynthia gave the phone to somebody, but I just suddenly found myself talking to Matt - Francis's dad. He was calm, but nevertheless, I could feel that he was hurt from the sound of his voice. He then told me what happened to Francis a few hours before. _

_He said that Francis was already at Montauk Highway when it happened. There was a car on the right side of the highway, doors ajar, and a woman-outside of the car-was lying on the ground and seemed unconscious. Francis was very kind, especially to women, children, and the elderly. So there was no way he could just pass by her without giving her any aid. He then parked on the side of the road near the other car. He didn't get out to approach the woman right away. He took out his cell phone and dialed his dad's number. He told him the situation…as Matt is a doctor, and he could instruct Francis what to do in a situation like this. _

_His mom, on the other hand, dialed 911 to get some medical help for the woman, as Francis wouldn't be able to dial 911 himself because he was still talking to Matt as he approached to help the woman. The woman appeared to be beaten very badly. Blood was rushing out of her chest that looked like a gunshot wound. Francis then tried to stop the bleeding by pressing firmly on her chest. _

_He was doing that while waiting for the ambulance to come, and with his dad still on the other line, when Francis noticed that there was still someone inside the car. Matt said that Francis saw a man coming out of the car with a gun in his hand. The man then pointed the gun at Francis. Matt could only ask Francis to remain calm, try not to provoke the guy, and tell him that he was only there to help. _

_Francis did what his dad asked him to do, but it was no use; Matt could already hear the other guy screaming at the top of his lungs on the other line, and that he became so scared for his son at that point. Cynthia was already frantic, also screaming at her own phone, towards the 911 dispatcher, demanding to quickly send some police over where Francis was. The man continued to yell, and he sounded nearer to the phone every minute. _

_Meanwhile Francis remained quiet, seemed calm despite the situation he got himself into; yet Matt never stopped reassuring his son that things would be alright, and that help was on its way. Then the screaming suddenly stopped, and Matt intently listened for a minute to what was happening. When he couldn't fathom to what was taking place, he quickly asked Francis what was going on, why it suddenly became quiet. He then heard Francis speak…with no hint of anger or even fear in his voice…_

_'Dad,' Francis said. 'Please tell Vanessa that I love her so much, and that I love her forever.'_

_After that, in less than a blink of an eye, Matt heard a gunshot. The sound was so loud that it was deafening so he couldn't hear anything else anymore for a while, or that his own mind went numb from what he just heard. Soon, though, he realized that the paramedics and the police were there. _

_Later, they were told that the man was first discovered stumped on the ground, talking mindlessly to himself; the police didn't have any struggle to arrest him, and he was later found insane - not only during that time he committed the murder, but he was just mentally ill… all his life. The woman survived, but only for a few hours after she was brought to the hospital. _

_And then…Francis…my Francis…well…he…he…he was already dead when the paramedics arrived!" _

Vanessa's eyes were filled with tears.


	8. Chapter 8 The Funeral

_**Again, I don't own the Twilight or its characters or the songs incorporated into the fan fiction. They are the sole property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement intended...**_

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_**CHAPTER 8**_

_**The Funeral**_

I never saw Vanessa cried before, squeezing her fists against the hem of her sweater, shaking furiously. It seemed unsettling to find her in that situation, for I always saw her in a bright mood, constantly in a happy place. But of course, this kind of reaction was only normal and duly expected from someone retelling the darkest time in her life…I could have been much worse if that happened to me - I might not be able to think of it, much less talk about it.

I didn't know what to do at that point when I saw Vanessa crying. I just tried to console her. I wanted to shut up, as so not to cause her any more pain from those memories that I was sure she wanted to leave behind. But curiosity got the better of me. I had to ask: how did she receive the news of Francis's death?

She then looked at me, wiped her tears away, and breathed deeply as if she was trying to muster all her strength before answering my question. It was so stupid of me to ask - I shouldn't have, but I was curious - I had to know, I wanted to know.

How could her attitude be like this - positive and full of life - after everything that she went through? I had to know…I just had to know, because I also wanted it badly…to be positive and full of life like her. It could be not now, but someday…

_"Well…it was actually weird," _she started telling me, her composure was better now. "_I knew I dropped the phone the moment I've heard what happened. Martha took it then and talked to Matt. In the very beginning, I just felt numb all over my body. I knew I couldn't breathe, it was like I forgot to breathe. _

_And my knees…oh, my knees were so weak that they were shaking. Even though I was already sitting, I could still feel that I would collapse. I remember Martha was rubbing my back, consoling me, but I just couldn't feel her touch. _

_My mind, on the other hand, was doing the opposite. It was racing so fast that I felt it could explode; mostly, I was thinking about the night before the accident - Francis's weird behavior, his refusal to leave, my bad feeling towards his departure. _

_Just shortly, I already felt responsible for his death. I had all these thoughts like - maybe if I held on to him a little much longer, maybe if I let him stayed for the night, maybe if I just tried to ignore Martha's fury because I let Francis sleep over - maybe or most likely, most definitely, he would still be alive! Then, he would still be here with me! And I could still see his beautiful face, I could still feel his warm embrace, _

_and I…I wouldn't be hurting so much that my heart feels like it was getting ripped into many million pieces. _

_But it was already too late. I could never see him again, and I totally blamed myself. My mind kept telling me that I was responsible, that it was me who drove him to his death. And with that realization, I felt angry towards myself. I felt like a criminal. I felt like a coward. I thought that I was so unworthy of Francis…undeserving of his love, that I didn't have the right to mourn or to even shed a tear because I thought it would be hypocritical. I killed him! And to cry about it was nothing but an insincere, phony act! _

_So during the time that they had Francis's body already brought back to the city from the morgue, all the arrangements had been made, and the wake - or viewing of his remains - at the funeral home also started. The wake was supposed to last 3 days. I didn't go the first day; I just couldn't face him. I didn't go the second day; only Martha was there during the first two days, kind of like representing me. _

_On the third day, the day before the burial, Martha wanted me to go, but wasn't sure how to ask me. I was a wreck! I wasn't even aware that I was just inside my room, unmoved. I would only leave to go to the bathroom, to do what I had to do there, except shower or bath. I didn't eat. I didn't drink. My eyes had the darkest circles around them from the lack of sleep. My skin was very pale and dull. I stank and I was a mess! I wasn't also talking to anyone. _

_But to Martha's biggest surprise, according to her, the oddest behavior I showed, which made her most nervous about me more than everything, was the fact that I didn't cry. I didn't weep for his death. There was no screaming, yelping, shrieking…not even those quiet ones where only tears would show. Nada! Nothing! Zip! _

_Martha then thought that I could just be in denial…that I would just be imagining myself to be in a nightmare, and that pretty soon, I would wake up just like that, and everything would be back to normal!_

_So then, she thought that a good dose of reality would be good for me. She wanted me to go to him, visit him at his funeral, and see for myself that he was really dead. She didn't know what to expect once I would be there; I could throw a fit, scream, yell, drop on the floor and kick my legs like a child having a tantrum, scandalize the peaceful gathering by my actions - it would be one hell of a show - but in the end, she just didn't care. _

_That kind of behavior was far more acceptable for her than to see me with dry eyes, without a threat of even a single drop of tear- which is bizarre for someone who was supposed to be grieving. _

_Plus she knew that her daughter didn't have a heart made of stone, she was aware that I was capable of crying, especially when it comes to dead loved ones - as every year, every Holiday season, I would spend an hour or two, crying my eyes out when I would miss my dad and wish he was here to celebrate the Holidays with us. So, she knew I only needed a little guidance, a little help to make me realize the reality of the situation, so I could grieve like I was supposed to. _

_Little did she know that I was fully aware of Francis's death. I knew it because I felt responsible for it! I felt so shameful and angry that I couldn't let myself cry, although I really wanted to but I felt I didn't have the right to weep. _

_She then slowly approached me, told me that it was the last day for the viewing of his remains, and that his entire family wanted to see me. Great! His family wanted to see me! I didn't even know how to face them! I didn't think it was such a superb idea to go there. What do I tell them? That somehow I knew this could happen? _

_But at some point, Martha convinced me to go there. She could be very persuasive, well…just like me I guess. So, I got up, showered, brushed my teeth, and went back to the room to get dressed. _

_Then, I saw what Martha had for me to wear. It was a black suit…a very black suit. I quickly shoved it away, went to my closet, grabbed a pair of jeans, and my white cotton long-sleeves dress shirt. She eyed me very wearily. I then told her that Francis didn't like black for his funeral - he only wanted people to wear white. _

_Francis and I had all those kinds of conversation; we talked about everything and anything under the sun - from our hopes, goals, dream houses, dream cars, how many kids we would want, ideal wedding…even funeral - and that's how he told me that he didn't like black for his funeral, didn't like sorrowful faces staring at his coffin, didn't like anybody playing sorrowful music. _

_Francis was full of life and love - he was always optimistic, funny and cheerful. It should be no wonder he wanted that kind of atmosphere when he would die. Martha didn't argue. She understood that I knew Francis well. Besides, I was already coming with her…so even if I wore a Halloween costume, she wouldn't mind, as long as I would be there. She believed what I said about Francis's wish regarding his funeral because she also changed her outfit into something white and jeans - no black._

_Afterwards, I didn't know for how long it had been, I suddenly found myself at the doorstep of the funeral home with Martha. She held my hand as she encouraged me to go in. I breathed deeply, closed my eyes, gathered all my strength left, and tried to move my feet forward. I kept my eyes closed the entire time I was walking down the hall, with Martha holding me as my support. Then, I felt she stopped all of a sudden. I slowly opened my eyes, like I was expecting a surprise. _

_Then, there… in an elegant room, full of people dressed in black, and on the opposite side of the room - there he was, my Francis…inside a fine, beautiful mahogany casket. It was closed; probably because his parents didn't want him to see how he looked like after he was shot. I was certain it wasn't a pretty picture, and I am glad that I didn't see it - I wasn't so sure how I could take it. The last time I saw his face - it was a very beautiful image of him…so charming and handsome…and yet I let him go, and now he was dead. _

_I went in, Martha was still holding me. Then I stopped. I whispered to her that I couldn't go on. I asked if we could just sit at the back, preferably with no one else beside me but her. She nodded and quickly found us a place at the very rear, farthest from all the groups of people. _

_They were very busy chattering with each other, and although they were all just whispering, the combination of their soft murmurs echoed through the entire vast room like bees buzzing on your ears. So, much to my comfort, nobody noticed us entered the room. _

_Martha and I sat down at our chosen seats. Then, she slowly got up and told me she would just let them know we had arrived. I just nodded; I couldn't argue much anymore at that point, although I wanted so much for them not to know that we were there. _

_From where I was sitting, I could still see him. There was no way to miss Francis. All around the casket were arrangements of white chrysanthemums and lilies, and several portraits of him on wooden easels-pictures of a joyful and spirited Francis, of a handsome and kind face, of a beautiful but young life he had. I tried not to stare at his images. _

_I just looked around, concentrated on how the room looked like - the light beige wall, the white ceiling with countless recessed lighting, the cream carpet, the heavy yellow draperies on the windows, and the dark cherry colored tables with Tiffany style lamps on them. I even counted how many seats there were, and all the people inside the room - unfortunately, everyone was wearing black - I couldn't blame them though; they just didn't know. _

_A moment later, I found Martha walking back towards me with Cynthia and Matt following behind. Cynthia's eyes were swelling from all the crying she could have done, while Matt looked very tired, but sad nonetheless. I could have stood up, but I was weak. I couldn't look at them, much less try to acknowledge their presence. I looked down on the floor, determined to never look up. _

_Later, I heard Martha telling me that the Russells were there with us. Still, I didn't look up. I felt Cynthia touched me by the shoulders as she sat down beside me, while Matt took the seat on my other side; I still didn't move. Cynthia then told me that Martha let her know about Francis's wish to have an all-white funeral; she then told everyone that tomorrow, at the burial, everyone would wear white. _

_Then, I realized something; it was Francis's dream, his wish…I had to help to make it come true. It was the only thing I could do - although it might never be enough to make up for my mistake, I could have helped to make his funeral just like how he wanted it. _

_I wasn't aware then that it was the beginning - the start of taking Francis's wishes, his dreams, and even his personality…and incorporating them into my way of living. I looked up at Cynthia, and then uttered the words 'seventeen balloons'. She stared back, puzzled at what I just said, and then, asked me to repeat what I just told her. _

_I then said that Francis wanted white balloons to be released at the end of his ceremony - one for each year of his life, which was 17, before his body would lower into the ground. Then, I talked about having a bunch of yellow roses that should mean happiness, colorful daisies-though I wasn't sure if Francis was only joking as there's a term 'pushing daisies' - and sunflowers as he really wanted it to be cheerful and bright. _

_I suddenly noticed Cynthia was taking notes, trusting me that this was really what Francis wanted, and making sure that she got it right. I finally told them that Francis didn't want any gloomy or sad faces, and if it could be possible, nobody should cry. They glared at me with a thoughtful expression, as if they have figured out something. _

_Matt, at last, asked me if that could be the reason I never cried, if I was just carrying out Francis's wish. I couldn't answer - I wanted to, but I didn't know how to start. I finally found myself shaking my head in disagreement with him. After that, I started telling them about Francis's weird behavior the night he left, his desire to stay, my bizarre intuition that something bad could happen, and finally, my mistake that I let him go. I admitted to them that I felt responsible for what had happened to their son, and that to cry and grieve would be nothing but hypocritical as I didn't do anything to help him avoid this terrible fate. _

_The look upon their faces as I finally revealed what I said, especially Martha, were very remorseful at the very least. Cynthia hugged me then, and tried to set my mind at rest by telling me that it was never my fault, for I could have never known for sure that something bad would happen to him, and lastly, I never wished for it to happen like everybody else. Matt was also trying to assure me. _

_I wanted to cry at that point. I already felt like crap about myself, guilty about the whole situation. If they got mad at me, scolded me, and blamed me - even partially, for what had happened to their son, I could have felt better. But they didn't - just like Francis, their hearts were golden; I didn't deserve their sympathy. _

_Cynthia hugged me endlessly, and then finally, let go. I stood up and bid them farewell. They asked me to be there the next day; I nodded yes. I glanced at where Francis was. I wanted to go near him, touch the wooden coffin and kiss it, ask for his forgiveness…but I just couldn't be brave enough. _

_Soon, I said to myself, I would come near him - very soon. When we got home, I already felt a little better because I was able to confess to his parents and Martha about my guilt. _

_Although they had forgiven me, I still couldn't shake the feeling of remorse. Martha seemed content to see me get a little bit livelier than that morning; although she would still want to see me cry - even just once. _

_I didn't sleep that night. I spent the entire night looking at our pictures, arranging and re-arranging all his gifts for me throughout the years, reading each and every letter and missive he sent me. _

_Soon, it was morning and I decided to go ahead and get ready for the day. I found this white simple pencil dress with a matching blazer to wear. I didn't have anymore white clothes except for the dress shirt I wore the day before and some cotton shirts, which, I don't think, are appropriate for something like that. _

_When I got down, Martha was ready too, wearing an all-white business suit. She gave me a pair of sunglasses, still hoping that I would be crying later, which I didn't count much on. _

_When we got to the funeral home, I was shocked with what I saw, like I witnessed a vision…everyone was wearing white! I would admit - I felt a little elated, for Francis. I knew he would like that very much. _

_There was a short mass, then they proceeded to bring his casket to the hearse outside. As they were lifting the casket, I felt my chest went tight, and it was very difficult to breathe. _

_It was finally reigning on me - he really was gone…and that was the last time I would ever see him! I felt my eyes wet, but I was fighting back the tears. I realized that everybody else was doing the same, trying to put on a brave face…for Francis, because he wished, if possibly nobody would cry. _

_Then, people stood up to follow him outside. First, Cynthia and Matt walked behind the casket. Then, Francis's younger siblings followed. Finally, I saw Martha ushering me to go with them. I stood up mechanically, holding myself together so I wouldn't fall apart. I was grateful that Martha was beside me, supporting me. The rest of his friends and relatives followed us behind. _

_Later, we drove shortly to the cemetery. As we gathered around, we were given flowers - yellow roses, different colors of daisies, sunflowers. Cathy, then gave me a ballooon. 17 of us had one white balloon to be released later. The minister was also just getting ready for the final service. _

_As we got settled, it began: the minister welcomed everybody present, introduced the service, and said a prayer; there was a reading of the psalms, followed by a period of silence as we all tried to say our goodbyes to him, then, the prayer of commendation. _

_All throughout the service, I was, if not the hardest, among who were fighting back the tears and trying to hold her composure. It was really difficult, especially during the moment of silence, without the minister's voice to buffer my soft whimpers, to finally bid farewell to the love of my life…my other half…my soul mate. _

_As the minister was preparing for the committal, a sound came from the high output stereo/PA system…it was someone singing. Then, I realized that I recognized that voice…it was Francis…singing our favorite…our song… 'I'll Take Care of You' by Steven Curtis Chapman. _

_**[Author's Note: Listen to the song at YouTube: youtube**__**.com/watch?v=RaexqVWrwkw**__** ; it would be more dramatic *_^]**_

_I could have broken apart at that point, I really wanted to, but I didn't. I wanted to deliver Francis's wishes without fail. I said to myself that it was almost over, then I could cry all I want after that. Cynthia and Matt then went forward with Francis's younger siblings and their balloons; they motioned me to join them. _

_Martha held me, and looked me in the eye, like asking if I could go on. I nodded. I then approached them slowly, while trying to listen to Francis's voice, committing it to memory. The others with balloons, all 17 of us, gathered near Francis. _

_Cynthia then asked me to lead the balloon release. Before I let go of mine, I closed my eyes and breathed a prayer - a prayer of my undying love and devotion for him, a prayer of gratitude for giving me the most wonderful and significant years in my life, a prayer of forgiveness for being weak and letting him go. I opened my eyes and looked at the rest of them, then we simultaneously released the balloons. Just as his song was bringing to an end, and so the balloons were becoming out of sight… _

_The final stage of the service was the committal. The coffin was lowered to the earth - committing his body to the ground; earth to earth; ashes to ashes; dust to dust. As this happened, we started throwing flowers at the coffin. Soon, it was filled with beautiful and wonderful blossoms. _

_Then, I heard his song started again…it was very emotional moment for all of us, especially for me. But I never heard a single one gave in and cried. I was kind of proud of these people trying to make Francis happy even for the last time. I just stood there, motionless, while I was watching piles of dirt covering the coffin. _

_Soon, people started disappearing - heading to the Russells' residence for a gathering after the funeral. I stood behind. I told mom that I wouldn't be going, that I would stay with Francis until I would feel like going home already. She didn't ask me anymore, as she left to join the others. _

_After standing for like hours, just staring at the pile of dirt in front of me with flowers around, I soon collapsed and started to cry. I sobbed like there was no tomorrow. I wailed and called out his name. I knew there were people around, my dress had mud on it, and I looked like a crazy person, but I didn't give a damn. I was grieving…my other half was gone…the love of my life…the love of my soul. It felt like I died too. I just kept crying; sometimes my sobs would be quiet, as I was getting tired and trying to rest a little bit, but soon enough, I would be wailing again - screaming of so much pain and agony. _

_Then, I didn't notice it was getting dark. I just remembered Martha and Matt coming to get me. Matt scooped me up and brought me to his car while Martha followed. Moments later, we were already home. I was still sobbing. Matt then bid us goodbye and left. Martha tried to help me get clean up. I just let her wipe the dirt off of my face and body and change me into my pajamas. _

_That night, Martha stayed with me, consoled me as she would fear for my sudden emotional outbursts. Eventually, I was exhausted enough to sleep. And that's when, in my sleep, I first dreamt of him…first of many dreams, and could be the most significant of all!"_

* * *

[**_Another Author's Note: I'll provide the lyrics for the other song that was mentioned in this chapter: "I'll Take Care of You" by Steven Curtis Chapman_**]

_I'll Take Care of You_

_I'll take care of you _

_Don't be sad, don't be blue _

_I'll never break your heart in two _

_I'll take care of you _

_I'll take care of you _

_I'll kiss your tears away _

_I'll end your lonely days _

_All that I'm trying to say _

_Is I'll take care of you _

_I want you to know that I love you so _

_I'm proud to tell the world you're mine _

_I said it before, I'll say it once more _

_You'll be in my heart 'til the end of time _

_I'll take care of you _

_Don't be sad, don't be blue _

_Just count on me your whole life through _

_'Cause I'll take care of you..._


	9. Chapter 9 The Dream

_**[A/N: Again...I don't own the songs, the Twilight saga or the characters...*_^]**_

* * *

_**CHAPTER 9**_

_**The Dream**_

_"In my dream, it was like just any ordinary day that I would spend with Francis. We were in my room, doing homework while playing with our guitars or singing. I was on the bed, while he was on the floor. He then got up and sat on the bed with me. He was staring at me with his face becoming all serious, like there was something very important he had to say. _

_Then, he told me, straight to the point, without any introduction, that he wanted me to be at my happiest I could be. He didn't want to see me having one of those emotional frenzies again. He didn't want to learn that I have stopped living my life the way I should if we were together. He told me that he would like it very much if I would finish school, pursue my passion for music, learn other things like another hobby, travel and see the world for myself, meet someone, settle down, get married, have a family. _

_I was starting to cry as I realized what he was trying to tell me in my dream. He then held my face with both of his hands, leaned forward until our foreheads touched, and told me that he loves me with everything and anything that he has… even more, and that he also knows I truly feel the same. He asked me to stop punishing myself, because I had nothing to do with it!_

_Then, he made me promise him. I have to promise him that I will start living as I should, because this is what he wants - and as the situation would be reversed, this is what I would want for him, too. I nodded. I didn't find myself trying to argue with him anymore, as what he was trying to say started to make sense to me. He said that he doesn't want to get lonely to where he is going…and the only way he would get sad is if he knew I wasn't keeping my promise. _

_He reassured me that he would always be with me. He then held my chest, felt my heart and its beating, leaned down, and kissed it. After that, he rested his head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around his head as I was kissing the top of it endlessly. He then told me that in a few minutes, Martha would wake me up, and as soon as I wake up into a new day, I should start keeping my promise to him. I just replied with a soft yes. _

_Then, he stood up, held my hand, and handed me a pink daisy. He said that it's the symbol of our eternal love, undying devotion, and a little reminder of my promise to him that I would live my life to the fullest. He smiled and kissed me on the forehead. I smiled back as I held the flower with both hands. I watched him walk towards the door and leave. _

_After a few minutes I was awaken by Martha shaking me. She said it was nearly noon and I needed to eat something. I was shocked to realize that I was sleeping all the time, and what I just experienced could be nothing but a dream. But I swear that it could have been real. I was scared to confirm my fear, but still, slowly, I looked into my hands to check. _

_And there it was - my pink daisy - the symbol of our love and undying devotion, and also a little reminder of my promise to him. I didn't know what happened - if it was real, or just a dream. If it was a dream, then, I didn't know how to explain the feeling of realness of it and the flower in my hand when I woke up. If it was real, then it could only mean that his spirit or ghost had visited me! _

_Ghost or not, I was glad that it happened. Upon realizing all of these, a smile formed in my face. Martha saw my cheerful mood - a true contrast from what I had after the service the day before, but she didn't ask. After eating, I went straight to the cemetery, and stayed there with him - talking to him, playing music for him, or sometimes just being quiet and listening to the blows of the wind. _

_I spent my whole summer doing that…going to cemetery everyday. I know that it didn't sound like I was living my life to the fullest, but I thought I could start slowly. I couldn't just overwhelm myself! I asked for mom's permission if I could spend a few hours everyday with Francis, as I didn't want her to feel abandoned and my chores avoided. She granted my request. Most of the time, I would be writing my songs with him by his grave, as I felt mostly inspired when I was around him. _

_Junior year came and sadly, I only spent about an hour a day on weekdays at the cemetery, just enough to talk to him and tell him about my day. Then on Saturdays, I would spend the whole morning doing chores, as I felt bad for Martha having so many burdens of keeping the house and working as well to support our family. _

_But Saturday afternoons would be spent with Francis. I would stay there until Martha would come and pick me up from work. Sunday mornings were used being with Francis again, as Martha loved to sleep in and she didn't bother with making or eating breakfast. I would be home by noon time, just as Martha was waking up, as we would spend the whole afternoon, going to the mall, window shopping or seeing a movie. _

_Slowly but surely…I was getting to feel normal again. It seemed like Francis only went to a vacation, and I wouldn't care when he would be coming back. I still cry from time to time…just like I did earlier, especially when I remember how he died. _

_But after that, I would feel Francis's arms enveloping me once more, wrapping me with his warmth, making me cheerful…I'm happy enough that I'm able to live like this…vigorous, optimistic, hopeful. It's like I'm living two lives at the same time - my own…and Francis's - it's like he's also living inside of me…" _

Vanessa told me, now smiling as she remembered how her Francis was.

_"So, how did you end up in Forks, then?" _I was still curious.

_"Halfway through the junior year, around December, I had that dream again. Although, I've been dreaming about him almost every night, this time, it was like the first one, except he was jokingly telling me that I was trying to cheat! He said that spending everyday of my life in a cemetery is nowhere near being normal and not a definition of 'living life to the fullest'; besides, six months had already passed and it was time for me to move on! I then asked him what he would suggest. He said that I should move to some place far from there. _

_I was about to cry and pleaded him that I couldn't go far from him. He then reminded me of the fact that he would always be with me, no matter where I go. He held the part of my upper body where my heart is, felt its heartbeat, leaned down, and kissed it - just like in the first dream. He finally rested his head on my chest, and I, just like before, wrapped my hands around his head and planted little kisses on the top it. _

_I was curious to know if he had something in mind for a place for me to move to. He suggested 'Forks, Washington.' I was surprised at first to hear this! Washington! That is on the opposite side of the country…that is too far! It was even very specific - Forks! It was someplace I've never heard of…why couldn't it be Seattle? _

_He explained that it would be better that way so I wouldn't be tempted to spend a whole day at the cemetery again. If I just moved to the neighboring states, I was sure to be drawn to drive all the way to New York to see him. I would think twice of going if I would be on the opposite part of the country. Finally, the dream ended with him singing our song softly into my ear. _

_So, the next day, for the first time…I told mom about my dreams. At first, I thought that she would think I was on the brink of losing my mind. And also, I was kind of counting that she would say no, since I really didn't want to move that far. But she never judged me. _

_She then told me that she would talk to her superiors about the possibility of getting transferred. I told her that it was no rush…I still would like to finish my junior year there, and possibly just start my senior year at Forks. I also mentioned about Forks High and she promised me that she would make sure that I would be transferred here with no hindrances. _

_I believed she would be sad about my decision. But I was wrong; she was even a little ecstatic about it. If there was any sadness, it didn't show. She really thought that it would be helpful for me to move away for a little while. She even offered that we could go back there - 3 times a year: on his birthday, on Christmas, and even on our anniversary. _

_I didn't know what to feel during that time we were formulating plans about moving away. I have lived there my whole life, and I know my mom might have a hard time adjusting. Plus, I would be far from him. But I also felt bizarrely excited at the same time - fulfilling one of my promises to him, going other places. _

_So, I finished my junior year. Summer came, which also marked the first anniversary of his death. And so I was glad that I was still there to - I don't exactly know what people do during those times…Celebrate? Commemorate? Recollect? _

_Nevertheless, I tried not to be so emotional…I promised him that I would try to be cheerful. Also, during summer, Martha's music management office advised her that she wouldn't be transferred to another music management company in Seattle until the following year. _

_So, I still enrolled myself in my old school for the senior year. It was in December when Martha learned that she would start working in Seattle around March…She then immediately took care of my transfer to Forks High, and started to look for a house we could live in. _

_By mid-February, everything was settled - we got a house, I got enrolled, and she got a new job at Seattle. March came, 3 months before his 2__nd__ death anniversary, and we moved. Now, it's May…just two months after we've moved…I'm in your house and we're friends…" _

Vanessa smiled widely at me…

_"Very good friends…you're one of my very best friends. I'm glad you've moved here…You know, I notice that Martha is very organized…She really took care of everything, huh? It must be nice to have someone take care of you like that…I mean I grew up doing that for Renee instead. I don't mind it though. I love taking care of Renee…"_

_"Yeah…Mom is a very good help. That's why her boss was sad to let her go…but she was so good that she could still be an asset to their company no matter where she is. You know…I plan to become a songwriter someday…I think I should pursue it. And I want Mom to become my agent and handler…If she's the one taking care of my career, I've got nothing to worry about…"_

_"That really makes sense…But I have another question? What about Cynthia and Matt? How did they react when you moved? You said goodbye to them, right?"_

_"Oh yes. I still keep in touch with them. While I was still there, I would visit them every now and then. And finally, when I told them the news about me moving to another state, they said they felt sad about it, but they understand my reasons…" _

Then, Vanessa brought out the necklace she was wearing. I had noticed it before, but I never truly saw it, including the pendant - if she had one, until that very moment, because it was always hidden under her shirt. The necklace she was wearing had a white gold chain, and the pendant was something unexpected - a ring.

"_The day before I left, they visited me at our house. Then, Cynthia gave this to me. I was shocked to see this ring because I recognized it. It was an engagement ring that originally belonged to Francis's great grandma, passed down to generations, until Cynthia owned it. She told me that when Francis was still alive, he asked her permission to have the ring. He was planning to propose to me after high school graduation; he wanted to ask me to marry him before going to college together, although he didn't really mention anything about having any children before getting a degree…so, I only assume that he just wanted us to get married, finish school, get a career, then maybe, we could start a family."_

I was shocked to know this. I didn't quite grasp the depth of their relationship - or how really intense Francis's love was for my best friend - not until I knew about his future plans for her, on how he planned on spending the rest of his life with her.

I suddenly felt a twinge of jealousy. I wished that Edward had felt the same, that his future included me, and that he also planned on spending eternity with me. I quickly tried to hide my sudden discomfort by asking Vanessa another senseless question.

_"How come you're not wearing it around your finger?" _Then she just simply replied…

_"It's closer to my heart this way…" _She held her necklace close to her heart, although I knew that she didn't really mean it literally.

Even Francis was already gone, in my opinion, I still think that Vanessa was still lucky. I believe that she was fortunate enough to find him early in her life, and that she was already able to experience her very own fairy tale - something that would take some of us a lifetime to find, while others would never have.

But the very thing that made Vanessa really lucky...the very thing that made me feel a pang of envy…is that up until Francis's very last breath, his concluding heart beat, and his ultimate thought, he had nothing but his perpetual and ceaseless love for Vanessa. His dying words were for her. He even managed to let Vanessa know that he really meant when he said that he wanted forever with her by the ring that she wore around her neck. Even after his death, somehow, he was able to help Vanessa cope up with his passing by those dreams. Vanessa was truly blessed indeed.

It is almost midnight, and two hours has already passed since I have talked to Martha over the phone. I also have texted Audrina that Martha already passed to me her message, and that I'm also sorry for having missed her 45 calls. She only sent back a smiley face - what a waste of text!

Even though it's already midnight, I don't feel tired. I then decide to get up from sitting by the window and move back to the couch. A little music is all I need…and I won't dare turn on the TV again for distraction! Whenever I remember Vanessa's love story…I am inspired to listen to one of the songs that we have composed together when she was still alive.

Vanessa and I have made many songs…and all of those are for my personal collection only, and none of them was used by any artist or released. I would ask a few friends for a favor, after giving them their hits, to please sing my compositions for me, as I want to hear it being sang. I would usually sing them myself but there are times that I would ask someone else if I need a man's voice to sing the song or my own vocal sound doesn't seem to fit the song I wrote.

This coming mini-concert, I will sing some of the songs that I have written many years ago, while Vanessa was still alive, and these are the songs that she personally liked.

I turn on the home entertainment center, which is actually made up of all top-of-the-line items, since I am a songwriter and I don't want to listen to some crappy audio when reviewing my compositions. I choose from the drop-down menu using the universal remote to look for the song I intend to hear. After a few moments, I finally have what I was looking for.

I finally rest my head on the cushions on the couch, close my eyes, and listen to the very beautiful melody in the background. The surround system really amplifies the beautiful voice of the singer.

_**[Author's Note: Listen to the song "Still with You" by Eric Benet at YouTube: youtube****.com/watch?v=nGPJyJrygJ0**__** Remember that I don't own any of the songs, including this one. I only use this for the story as an inspiration…and pretended that our Bella, which is a fictional character, by the way, has somehow come up with this one… *_^]**_

_**Still With You**_

_Heaven knows what you've been through  
So much pain  
Even though you can't see  
I'm not far away  
We always say if one of us  
Somehow went away  
We'd light a candle and say a prayer  
Know that love still remains__…_

Know my love is all around you  
Dream in peace, when you wak

_Close your eyes, go to sleep  
Know my love is all around you  
Dream in peace, when you wake  
You will know I'm still with you_

_Live your life from this day on  
And love again  
I know you'd do the same for me  
That's the way that loves is supposed to be_

_Close your eyes, go to sleep_e  
_You will know I'm still with you_

_When you feel those lonely teardrops  
Rolling down your face  
Just know my love watches over you  
Always, always_

_Close your eyes, go to sleep  
Know my love is all around you  
Dream in peace, when you wake  
You will know I'm still with you  
**I'm still with you**_


	10. Chapter 10 The Nightmare

_**CHAPTER 10**_

_**The Nightmare**_

I don't know how many times the song has been playing before I finally drift into unconsciousness and dream. I know that it is a dream I'm seeing. Something is familiar with this reverie. I'm in an elegant room with beige walls, cream carpet for the floor, yellow heavy draperies on the windows, and elegant mahogany tables with Tiffany style lamps on them.

I feel weird and heavy to be in that place, as something tells me that I will learn something I won't like. As I enter the room, I see lots of people, everyone wearing black, and their faces are all turned away from me. I can't recognize anyone because I can't see their faces. Whenever I try to ask someone what they all are doing there, I am just being ignored like I was never there. I will try to turn them to face me, but they will turn their backs on me so fast that all I can see is a blur.

Then, it dawn on me - I know why we are there. It is somebody's funeral. I can see the coffin at the opposite side of the room. I don't know whose funeral it is, as there's no other clue that gives me who can that be. I have made a decision to see who it is. I start to walk towards the other side of the room to where the coffin is.

As I am getting closer, my heart seems to race faster. It seems to be a long walk, or I'm just being so slow. But finally, I reach my destination - the coffin. The body is not placed in a way that you can see the dead body from a distance, as one really has to go near and take a peek down into the coffin to see the person. So I make the move to see who it is, regardless of the fact that I'm shaking in fear. As I find myself by the coffin and try to have a look-see at the body, my own body freezes in the sight of the person inside…in the sight of _him_…

_How could this be? _I asked myself. _It's impossible! He couldn't die! He couldn't be in there! Is this a joke? Is this a cruel joke? Is he really that desperate that he would go that far so that I wouldn't get anymore hopeful that I could still be with him someday? No! This is not happening! This is not real! It's only a dream! I'll wake up soon! Bella, wake up! Wake yourself up! Wake UUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPP! God damn it! Wake the hell up!_

The more I stare into _him_, the more panic-stricken I get. And then in an instant, just like a volcano waiting to erupt, I explode!

_"Edwaaaard!" _I finally scream.

_"No…no…no! Edward…please no! Get up, Edward! You're not dead! You're not! How can you be dead?"_

_"YOU KILLED HIM!" _I hear someone behind me say this. I turn around to see who it is…it's Esme! And by the way she's looking at me, I can tell that she's angry!

_"What? What do you mean I killed him?" _I am baffled by the sudden turn of the events.

_"Yes, you! It was you who killed him! You let him go! You let him die! You're not supposed to be here! You don't even deserve to cry! You don't deserve to mourn! You don't deserve him at all!"_

I become so confused! I don't know what the heck she's talking about! He's the one who left me! He's the one who left me for dead in the woods…not me! But I can't think about that now…I have to go see him again…his lifeless body! And with another glimpse of Edward inside the coffin, another wail comes out of me…

_"!"_

I suddenly jump out of my skin and fall off from the couch into the wooden floor. I am finally awake! _Thank God!_ I don't want that dream again. I may hate Edward for leaving me and never coming back. I may despise him for lying to me about his feelings toward me. I may loathe him for even trying to think that I can easily forget him.

But no matter how much animosity I feel, I cannot still deny the fact that I still love him…just like before…even more than ever. And there is not so much hatred in the world, in any lifetime for me to want to see him lifeless…that is just plain hell! I never ever want to see that image again!

I'm still breathless and dizzy from my nightmare, thinking of how I can erase that picture from my memory, when suddenly the phone rings. I get up to walk to the small shoji table at the corner where my telephone is. I stumble along the way as I still feel giddy.

_"Hello?" _I'm panting as I answer the call.

_"Good morning Ms. Swan. This is Jimmy. I'm calling for your morning wake-up call. It's already 6 am, ma'am!" _It's my doorman. Everyday at 6 in the morning, he serves as my human alarm clock.

_"Thanks Jimmy! I'm already up. By the way…um…around 8:30, Andy, my driver, will pick me up. Can you please just let the new doorman know to call me just once, and I will be down shortly? I don't want him to be calling me several times." _Jimmy's shift is only until 7 in the morning, and the new doorman, who started about 6 months ago, doesn't seem to remember special but simple requests being handed to him.

_"Don't worry Ms. Swan. I'll remind him."_

_"Thanks." _I put the phone back to the receiver.

_Whew!_ I feel a little better after I talked to Jimmy. It's like I'm back to reality again, and what I experienced just a while ago is nothing but a silly dream! It's a new day and today, I will be busy.

Two more days until the mini-concert and I have to be in full condition for the day. I should not waste another minute and start getting myself into that perfect condition…


	11. Chapter 11 Isla's Morning Routine

_**CHAPTER 11**_

_**Isla's Morning Routine**_

I need to start my morning right with a healthy dose of exercise, as I always do every morning. Although I hate exercise with every fiber of my being, it is something I have learned to do throughout these years. Jacob, Audrina and also Vanessa are all physically fit people, as they try to maintain healthy by doing some form of exercises, and so, I felt so puny, frail and left out. I know I have felt that way before with the _Cullens…but they are vampires_, for Pete's sake! It's in _their_ nature to be super strong and in fine fettle. Audrina and Vanessa, on the other hand, are just ordinary human, but even they had managed to stay on top form.

I decided then that I could be like them too. Vanessa, however, told me that she didn't do exercise to be strong or robust. She was doing them because she was told that exercise can alleviate depression by releasing chemicals called endorphins, which then interact with the receptors in the brain that reduce the perception of pain. _Wow_! I said to myself. It works for the brain too! What else could I ask for?

I go up the glass elliptical staircase located at the Southwest part of my penthouse to reach the second floor. On the second story is where the master bedroom and three other bedrooms with complete bathrooms are located. When I acquired this place three years ago, I had one of the bedrooms converted into a well-equipped fitness room, and its bathroom into a steam room and a Jacuzzi. I enjoy exercising in the comfort of my own house and with every ounce of privacy I could get.

Besides, there is no need to be in a real fitness center as I mostly just jump into on an elliptical machine for 40 minutes, and be done for the day. Although I have other exercise equipments like a Pilates machine, a treadmill, exercise bike, stability balls, and even those complete gym equipment machine, I rarely use them. I might have just used them less than 10 times each. I procured those other apparatus as Audrina had somewhat persuaded me that my _Sole E35_ elliptical machine looked awfully lonely in a vast space of the bedroom-turned-fitness room. Besides, she got those other stuffs for me as a housewarming gifts, how could I refuse them?

I go inside the Master bedroom into the larger of the two walk-in closets, and change into an appropriate fitness wear. I also take my iPod with me, as any grueling workout can be more tolerable with an energetic and lively music blasting inside your head. Today, I think I want to work out with _Go West_ with their hit "The King of Wishful Thinking."

_**[Author's Note: Watch this video on YouTube if you don't know the song: youtube**__**.com/watch?v=ry4iwzS4Na0**__** ]**_

_**The King of Wishful Thinking**_

_I don't need to fall at your feet_

_Just 'cause you cut me to the bone_

_And I won't miss the way that you kiss me_

_We were never carved in stone_

_If I don't listen to talk of the town_

_Maybe I can fool myself_

_I'll get over you I know I will_

_I'll pretend my ship's not sinking_

_And I'll tell myself I'm over you_

_'Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking_

_(King of wishful thinking)_

_Ooh I am the king of wishful thinking_

_I refuse to give into my blues_

_That's not how it's gonna be_

_And I deny the tears in my eyes_

_I don't want to let you see_

_Now that you have made a hole in my heart_

_And now I've got to fool myself_

_I'll get over you I know I will_

_I'll pretend my ship's not sinking_

_And I'll tell myself I'm over you_

_'Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking_

_I'll get over you I know I will_

_I'll pretend my ship's not sinking ooh-ooh_

_And I'll tell myself I'm over you_

_'Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking_

_(King of wishful thinking) yeah ooh_

_If I ever get a chance I'll get over you_

_(I know I will)_

_If I don't listen to the talk of the town_

_Maybe I can fool myself_

_I'll get over you I know I will_

_I'll pretend my ship's not sinking_

_And I'll tell myself I'm over you (I'm over you)_

_'Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking_

_(King of wishful thinking)_

_I am the king of wishful thinking_

_I'll get over you I know I will_

_You made a hole in my heart_

_But I won't shed a tear for you_

_I'll be the king of wishful thinking_

_I'll get over you I know I will_

_I'll pretend my heart's still beating_

_'Cause I've got no more tears for you_

_I'm the king of wishful thinking_

_I'll get over you I know I will_

_You made a hole in my heart_

_And I'll tell myself I'm over you_

_'Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking…_

Forty minutes later, I am done with my exercise regime for the day. I then go down the glass elliptical staircase again to the first floor, where the kitchen is to get myself a glass of orange juice. I try to relax a little bit to relieve the exhaustion I feel. I usually don't eat breakfast, except for a glass of orange juice. My stomach feels so tight after an exercise that I don't feel hungry at all.

When I'm done with my juice, I go up the stairs again, into the Master bath, and take a luxurious shower. The pulsating hot water coming from the rainforest steam shower is very soothing. Also the sweet and floral scent of my shampoo and body wash has some calming effect on me. After a good 45 minutes in the shower, I am finally done. I try to wipe the steam from the glass doors of the shower.

As I am getting the glass free of steam, I can see myself from the huge mirror across the shower. I am satisfied with what I see, because I know that my hard work doing all those vigorous exercises has paid off. I might be thin, but I don't look frail anymore. My toned body shows I am a physically fit person. But my muscles don't look so sculpted that I could be qualified to join a bodybuilding contest. My legs, thighs, shoulders and arms are still slim, just a little bit toned, but not muscular. I especially love my abs, as what others may call it…they're _ripped_! My waist is maintained to be small, and those love handles are kept at bay. My hips are also perfectly in proportion with my waist and thighs…neither too thin nor wide.

And do I have to mention about my back? Let's just say that they turn heads when I leave a room whenever I would wear something that is open back. It's advantageous that I finally have a body like this. I'm a woman now and got more curves than when I was only 18. All the clothes that Audrina would make me wear are really flattering for my figure. It adds up to my confidence, as I really need them when I'm facing a room full of strangers. Besides, with all these exercises, my posture has improved a lot that I don't hunch that much, so I don't look so timid anymore. I wonder what will _Edward_ think if _he_'ll ever see me again…will _he_ notice? I shake my head to erase the thought.

I quickly get my towel to dry myself up. Then, I proceed to my daily ritual after my morning showers. I start with putting lotion all over my body, from my neck to my toes. My favorite so far is the one from _Dylan's Candy Bar_ - the _Strawberry Licorice Candy Butter Cream_. It's non-greasy, smells delicious and really moisturizing. Then, I move on to my face to get it moisturized. I don't use any anti-wrinkle cream as I, fortunately, don't show any signs of any wrinkles yet. But I still take precaution by using antioxidant cream in the morning. I was told (by Audrina, who else?) that it is, by far, the best weapon against pollution and sun. The most potent among them is the _CoffeeBerry_, and the one I'm using is of _Priori _brand.

I then also slather on some sunscreen that has at least SPF 30 and Helioplex, like the _Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Dry Sunblock_. I also extend the sunscreen into my neck, arms, hands, and whatever areas that will be exposed later under the sun. Then, I apply some lip balm that has a little bit of sunscreen as well, like the one from _Smashbox_. Because of this ritual, I am able to keep my skin to be silky smooth that I can sometimes see other women look at me with certain jealousy. I wonder what will _Edward_ feel if _he_'ll ever touch me again…will _he_ notice? Again, I shake my head to erase the thought.

I don't usually wear make-up especially at home where I am all the time, unless I will be at the office or studio, meeting some people. I used not to be so vain, and I still think that I am not. But I learned through the years that people tend to listen to you more, when you look more pleasing, more presentable, and more dressed-up to their eyes. It is a fact that women who wear make-up _generally_ get better jobs, get promoted more quickly, and get paid more. Whether we like it or not, we, unfortunately more for women, live in a very visual world and we often get judged by our appearances. However, I might be trying to improve my appearance by wearing make-up, but it doesn't mean I slap on ten layers of foundation, bright red lipstick and trot into the office like some goddamn glamour model. I just want to take care the packaging of my personal brand by wearing _appropriate _make up, dressing up in trendy but _classy_ clothes, and making sure that I take care of my skin with my morning and night skin care rituals.

Today, I won't be meeting anyone in the morning except Mr. Burr. But by noon though, I will pass by the concert venue to do some pre-concert sound check where I will meet many people, including the artists whom I have written songs for and who also will come to the event to give me some boost. So, I think a little make-up won't hurt.

To achieve a simple but gorgeous look, mineral make-up is the best. It's light, easy to apply, and at the same time, long-lasting. I start with the foundation first, which is, fortunately, a very good concealer as well, and some translucent mineral veil face powder to seal in the foundation. Then, I sweep some ivory color eyeshadow along my entire eyelids, followed by some warm beige color along the hollow of my eyes. I also apply some highlights, like a white shimmer eyeshadow, on the center of my eyeballs, on the corner of my eyes where the tear ducts are, and under the brow bone. I then gently line my lash line with some dark brown liquid liner, from the inner corner of my eyes to the outer corner, slightly wide and angling upwards at the outer. I think I should skip from lining my lower lash line with an eyeliner pencil. I usually get teary-eyed when I do this that just messes up the rest of the make-up, and I don't have any ample time to retouch today.

I don't know how to put on some fake eyelashes, and really, I don't have the patience and time as well. So, to make sure that I have nice eyelashes, I use an eyelash curler before applying about two thin coats of _Dior DiorShow Black Out Mascara_. Then, I filled my eyebrows using some brow kit. I still have my talent of blushing naturally when being embarrassed or angry that I don't usually put on a lot of blush, so it looks tender not obvious. Finally, my lips, which I don't usually dress up with very bright or dark colored lipstick, is only being treated with a tinted lip gloss today. _Nars Lip Gloss_ in _Turkish Delight_, which is a pink sorbet color, is perfect for me. Now, my make up is done, which usually takes me about fifteen minutes to do everything.

Next is my hair. Since I am still incognito, and it won't be until this Saturday I will be able to fully reveal myself. A hair wig is a must. Most of the wigs I have are blonde in color and medium (like that comes down to below the shoulder) in length. I quickly have my hair tied into a bun and covered with a wig cap. I then put on the blond wig, wiggle it a little bit so it's just right, and carefully brush it so nothing is out of place or sticking out. I try to make it look natural, so I decided to put on a black headband on top, also to aid holding the wig in place. This coming Saturday, I will say goodbye to all of my wigs. They've been of great help in concealing my identity, but I won't be needing them anymore. I look at myself at the mirror for any flaw. I am pleased with my reflection. I wonder what will _Edward_ see if we ever meet again, will _he_ be partial to it? I shake my head again to erase the thought.

It's already 8 am, and I need to get dressed, as Andy, my chauffeur, will be here in half an hour. From the bathroom, I walk quickly to the bigger of my 2 walk-in closets. I try to pick a decent but comfortable outfit I will wear for the whole day, as I will be spending the entire afternoon, and most likely, into the night, rehearsing the songs I will sing for Saturday. I settle on wearing a black silk drop-waist ruffle top and a pair of gray cotton spandex leggings. I'm satisfied with what I see, or I try to convince myself as time is running out for me. I also grab the black Trench coat that I always love to wear.

Afterwards, I move to the smaller walk-in closet, where all my shoes, handbags, jewelry and other accessories are. I pick my red pumps with small wedged wooden heels - for a splash of color in, otherwise, very gloomy attire. I then take a pair of golden filigree chandelier earrings and wear it. I glance at the clock and see that I only have 10 more minutes.

I quickly grab my black Dolce and Gabbana patent tote. Everything I will need for the day is in there. I know because it was Martha who organized it; and if it was Martha who arranged the contents inside my tote, I'll be sure to find anything in there - like my cell phone charger; my sunglasses and sunglass case; my iPod touch accessories; small make up tote with essential make-up items in it; my wallet with driver's license, my debit card, a few credit cards, and some cash; small note pad and pen as I write down ideas for my next song; even a small first-aid kid is in there - I've got nothing to ask for. All I need are my cell phone, keys, laptop, and certain music sheets, which are at the living room downstairs.

I walk out of the bedroom to the glass elliptical stairs. I go down to the double height living room to retrieve from the rice coffee table my iphone 4G and my _porte-_document briefcase bag that has my _HP Mini 2140_ laptop and music sheets in it. Right on time, my phone rings and it's Zach, the young and new doorman, letting me know that my chauffeur has arrived. I immediately put on my trench coat, retrieve my sunglasses from my tote and wear it, and take hold of my other belongings. As I am walking to the foyer, I grab my keys on top of the black hideki console table, and glance at the mirror on top of it for one last look before heading out the door.

_"Good morning, Ms. Swan," _Andy greets me. He's 58 years old and has been my personal driver for the last 2 years. I like him because I have never seen a guy so polite. Even if I asked him to sign contract prior to working for me, where my bizarre requests are included, he never once judged me. I like that… I like that in a person…someone who doesn't judge. He's been very nice to me, respectful, and thoughtful as every time he would be asked to drive me for the day, there's always a nice hot cup of _caramel macchiato. _In return, I've been very kind to him too.

Last year, he celebrated his 25th wedding anniversary and I gave him and his wife a vacation package to a first class resort in _Bora Bora_, an all expense paid vacation including first class airplane tickets and a grand honeymoon suite. They stayed there for two weeks, and I even extended his vacation for another two weeks when he came back as I wanted him to spend more time with his wife. It is really a milestone for a couple to reach their 25 years; it's a luxury that no one should take for granted. When he was finally back at work, he was very elated to see me that he gave me a hug for being generous to him - I let it slide that time as it is stated in his contract that he should keep his distance…he was just happy, and I should not crush another guy's happiness just because I was scared that some _vampires_ might recognize my scent on him.

_"Here's your steaming hot cup of coffee…"_

_"Thanks, Andy." _I carefully take the macchiato from his hand and sit inside the _black Audi A6_ sedan. _"How are Lisa and the kids?" _I always ask Andy this question, as to start a conversation. But I am sincere with my question nevertheless.

_"Oh! She just promoted to being the high school principal. Katrina and Klarize…well, you know those twins…they love humanitarian stuffs. They're heading to Africa next month for some charity or missionary business…"_

_"Hmmm…that's nice of them. They should keep that up. Let me know if they need some more funding for their charity and I'll ask Martha to send them a check, alright? Also, kindly send Lisa my best. Congratulations on being the new principal!"_

_"Thanks. I'll relay them your messages. By the way, Miss Swan, I'm scheduled to work on your other cars today…for maintenance? So, I'll be in and out of the garage the whole day to bring them to their shops." _I have four more other luxury cars back at the penthouse building. I also bought the whole garage floor (there are 5 garage floors, in total) to make it my personal garage that is only accessible to me, Martha, Andy, the building owner and the building managers.

_"Sure…just do what you have to do…" _I'm smiling at him as I'm saying this.

15 minutes into the car ride, we are already pulling up by a building in Madison Avenue, where my office and personal recording studio (on the floor above my office) are located.

_"Martha told you about my schedule today, right?" _I know he was told. I just want to be sure.

_"Yep, I'll be here." _Andy then gets out of the car to open my door. I nod at him as to say goodbye. Soon, I find myself walking into the building and to the elevator. I press the number 21, the level where my office is.


	12. Chapter 12 Isla's Office

_It seemed like a reader was pissed off by me, called me stupid, retard, and no talent. I may not have any talent, but I'm pretty sure that I'm not a retard, although mentally challenged people are great, and no one should make fun of them. I don't also think that I'm stupid._

_Anyway, I get so depressed with this review. I have tried to work on this fan fiction for a few days, and now, I'm not even sure if I should continue. Well, have fun reading this chapter. Maybe, I'll upload more. _

* * *

_**CHAPTER 12**_

_**Isla's Office**_

Shortly, the elevator door opens and I go through the glass doors, Melinda acknowledges me and smiles. Melinda is one of Martha's assistants. Martha employs four people to be her support system: one is Elaine who helps her with all the talents and their agents who I write songs for, and also she deals with several recording producers like Mr. Kevin Burr; two is Denicka who assists her with maintaining the recording studio I have upstairs, and help coordinate with the recording engineers and mixers who help me during recording sessions; three is Melinda who is basically the receptionist in the office, and she also lends a hand on all the publishing matters; and lastly is Gina whose major job is all HR and making sure that every thing is paid on time, and she also helps out Martha in the accounting stuffs. Martha solely overlooks and manages my finances.

I smile back at Melinda, and then ask how she is. She sheepishly grins at me, then shows a tattoo on her shoulder…a Celtic design tattoo.

_"Hmmm…your church boy asked you to do that?" _I am shocked to see the tattoo on her shoulder, as something that a conservative boyfriend of his wouldn't most likely approve of.

_"Hell no ! It's a biker boy this time!"_

_"Ha ha! You and the dating world…you know your way around it…"_

_"You know me! I can't stay with just one person for a very long time…I'm young…I should enjoy…and you should too!"_

_"Ha! Thanks but no thanks! You're on your own when it comes to that!" _

She rolls her eyes at me. She wants to say something more but I'm already walking down to my office. I know that she has another number of some guy that she's pitifully attempting to hook up with me.

At first, I was being polite as I would take the paper with some person's number on it and would even assure her that I would call him. As soon as I would be passing by Martha's desk just outside my executive suite, I would be handling her the paper and ask her politely to discard it.

Now, I just tell her that I'm simply not interested. But she's very persistent. She continues giving me these numbers, sometimes even with a picture. I even jokingly asked her one time if she got a resume of the guy, she replies that she would give it to me ASAP. Half an hour later, Martha brought me the resume and I took it with a confused look on my face. I then realized that Melinda took my joke seriously. I was shaking with laughter when I gave her back the resume.

Fortunately, Melinda is very nice that she wasn't offended by my gesture. If I would give Melinda a dollar for every number she gave me, she would be rich by now. I know that she means well, that she wants me to have a chance at happiness. But I'm not just ready. I don't know if I will ever be.

As I walk down the main hallway, I pass by the countless plaques and awards, mostly for being the "Songwriter of the Year" and having the "Song of the Year". I have never been to any of these ceremonies, which stirred a little bit of controversy, as others, who never knew me, would (well, naturally) wonder why I am being so reclusive. It was always Martha who would attend and receive those recognitions for me, that at one point, someone had assumed that Martha could be the face behind the music.

It's really a good thing that I'm associating myself with the right people, as any rumor about me that would loom to surface, best publicists hired by the people I work with, like Mr. Burr, would squash those speculations into oblivion like they have never existed at all. I'm just glad that they're on my side, and that my talent for songwriting has been enough so I can gain respect and alliance from my colleagues. At least, my diligent and untiring endeavor of being incognito won't go to waste.

I see Martha deep into conversation on the phone when I pass by her. I simply give her a tap on the shoulder to let her know that I'm finally here. I then go ahead into my executive suite, place my things on the elegant mahogany executive desk, and walk towards the ceiling-to-floor window of the office. The view is really nice from up here. Later, Martha comes in.

_"I was calling you this morning, to remind you that Mr. Burr is coming in at 9…" _

Martha gets frustrated when I don't answer my calls. She thinks that having a cell phone but not answering it is totally useless as it beats the purpose of having a phone in the first place.

_"I'm sorry. I left the phone on the couch, and when I got ready this morning, I totally forgot about it. Please don't get mad…" _

I'm a little bit embarrassed about not answering her calls. I know she's been working hard for me all these years, and I don't want her to feel that I don't appreciate all her efforts.

_"Well, what can I do? I'm used to it already. Besides, how can I stay mad at you? You're like a daughter to me. Actually, I treat you as my own!" _

There's sadness in her eyes, but happiness as well.

_"Awww…you're not gonna make me cry, are you? You're my mother, too. Without you, none of this is possible." _

I then approach her to give her a hug, and she hugs me back too.

_"Anyway, when you came in, I was talking to one of the 5 people who are coming in this Saturday. You know, the winners for the songwriting contest? Well, she just wants to make sure that they will get the personal meet-and-greet that we have promised them…" _

I'm half-listening to Martha as I'm trying to get my laptop out of the bag.

_"Personal meet-and-greet? Ah! You mean after the autograph signing with the rest of the audience?" _

Martha just nods to agree.

_"Ok? Yeah sure…is there a problem?" _I ask her, being curious.

_"Ummm…I don't know. Nothing appears to be a problem, except she's just making sure that you will really be there for them. Anyway, they seem to appear cautious about these things too. So, a certain Mr. Jenks will arrive later, around 10 am, to discuss some matters with you."_

_"What kind of matters?"_

_"I'm not really sure, but she assures me that it has nothing to do with money, or changing the mechanics of the contest, or even backing out prematurely, before your major concert. It's actually like…more like you might back out on them, so they just want to be certain that you will keep them until the concert in September. They actually want you to sign a contract…" _

Martha is shrugging her shoulders as she explains things to me. I'm just stunned.

Then she continues, _"Just try to give what they want. I mean it seems harmless. The mini event is in 2 days and we don't want any more hassle. I just wish they gave us more time to think about this! Anyway, I will also have Atty. Parker with you, so he can guide you with this meeting, ok?"_

_"Ok, sure. But… you know what? I think it would be much better if you and Atty. Parker will just take care of this - for me, you know? You have my general power of attorney so you can enter into contracts in my behalf when I'm not available. You can do it, and you're right, just give whatever they want. I just don't wanna do this right now when I've got a lot of things on my mind. And I want to be in full condition for the sound check later. I don't wanna give those people over there a hell of their time…"_

_"Alright…I guess that makes sense…"_

_"And call this Mr. Jenks guy, I don't know him, and I don't know want him near me or this office! He doesn't know yet that I would meet him here, does he?"_

_"Well, no! I'm supposed to give him a call after I talk to you. But it seems like even if I don't give them this address, they already know this office. They just called here and I don't even know how they've got the number…"_

_"Hmm… well, it's not really that hard to find. I mean aspiring singers call our office everyday. But still, kindly call him right away and tell him to meet you at a restaurant or something…so he doesn't have to come here, ok?" _

Martha nods to accede.

_"Well, Mr. Burr will be here any minute. He'll be quick, I'm sure. He just wants to check up on you…before this Saturday. You know, I can tell that he's really excited about this! It's like a father expecting his first child…" _

Martha gleams at the thought. I also smile back at her. And with that, Martha walks towards the glass door and leaves.

I'm just about to turn on my laptop, when someone knocks on the door.

_"Knock…knock…"_ He's jokingly asking for my permission to come in…

_"Oh! Hello there, Mr. Burr! " _I motion for him to come in.

* * *

**Edward will be in chapter 14, and the rest of the Cullens...**


	13. Chapter 13 The Start of Isla Soleil

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay. I was a tad busy. Good news though, I've got Edward into our story... but not in this chapter. But he's already back!

Thanks for all of your wonderful and encouraging comments! I have already forgotten about that one bad review.

* * *

_**CHAPTER 13**_

_**The Start of Isla Soleil**_

If Martha is my mom here in New York, then Kevin Burr is definitely my dad. He's like Charlie. He never hovers…he just lets me do my thing. Well, except for this one time when he was really passionate and resolute on making me a recording artist so that the world would finally know about me.

The first time he saw me, I was with Martha along my demo CD. He said that he immediately thought there's something special about me, a feeling that he couldn't shake off, or a strong intuition if you will. He listened to my demo without hesitation, and right then and there, he wanted me to get signed.

Of course, I was being cautious already at that time, and so Martha presented my very own demand. At first, I thought he looked rather offended that there I was, an unknown aspiring musician of some sort from a place he never heard of (I actually just told him at first that I was from Montana), had not proven anything yet or whatsoever, was actually already had an exigency of her own!

_What kind of nerve does she have! What is she? A diva? _I could only imagine the kind of reaction he had. After reading our demand, he carefully placed it down and looked at Martha intently.

_"You know, Martha? Carol is a very good friend of mine. I'm actually the godfather of her first granddaughter. One time, while my family and I were having dinner at her house, she told me that she owes you a lot… 'big time' were her exact words! And that she wouldn't be one of the best music publishers in the country if you weren't a very good executive assistant to her. _

_She was actually sad to let you go, after 15 years of working for her. Nevertheless, she's elated to know that you did well back when you worked for another music publisher in Seattle, even more ecstatic to know that you're already back here in New York…trying to be a music manager yourself…"_

Martha sat leaning forward in her chair, with her hands in her knees, and then she grinned at him.

_"Well, I owe Carol so much too. I owe her the experience and the knowledge that I gained from working for her, so I could stand as Isla's manager here today. But I've also taken music management course myself. _

_I do wish you would give her a chance though; she's really talented as you heard her demo yourself. Carol and I recognize that you're the best record producer out there, for you just don't care much about the money, you're more deeply interested in finding real talent and truly appreciative of the art in making music. That's why she actually referred me to you…" _

Martha seemed so calm as she tried to persuade the 55-year-old, bald and thin-looking man with an English accent sitting in front of us, but nevertheless I think he owns one of the of most thoughtful faces I've ever seen.

What she said is true. Kevin Burr is the President, CFO, CEO, and COO of a major record label company. He also oversees and handles the publishing arm of that record label, so he's a successful music publisher as well.

He's very popular in the music industry that many unsigned artists will seize him to broaden their audience, _has-been_ singers will ask for his help to gain new audiences, and popular artists will have him so they can retain their status.

I was very lucky to be here in his office, as he wouldn't do that to just anyone. He's a very very busy man, I was told.

_"I know that Carol sent you here. She called me herself, and said that I better treat you like V.I.P.'s! Anyway, from the demo that you gave me, I really think that she's special, she's very talented. She can actually be among the best, if not the best, songwriters I have seen in my 30 something years in the business. _

_That's one reason why I'm so eager to sit with you today. To tell you the truth, I will be foolish not to sign her, and if ever I find out that another company got to her, I will definitely cry, tears of blood that is. But…there's something I want to discuss with you," _Mr. Burr was hesitating to say something more.

Martha just both cocked our heads to the side, as if we were trying to guess what he wanted to say. He then both looked at us, like he was trying to read our expressions, especially mine.

_"Is it about our demand?" _Martha finally asked.

_"Well, yes, it is about your demand. Is it really necessary?"_

_"I'm afraid it is. It's the only way she can share her songs. She won't be able to work without concealing her identity. But if you'll notice, everything there is actually very trivial. It's a paltry trifling demand. Plus, there's no need for her to be seen by the public, right? She only needs to work with a few people, so that shouldn't be a problem!"_

_"No! I'm not really questioning whether I would give in to her demand. I think it's do-able! It's not like she's asking for a sky-high fee that I couldn't afford to pay her. What makes me wonder is the reason behind your odd requests. I mean why hide? You're not some crooks, are you? You're not wanted by the FBI, because if you are, I'm telling you right now that you're wasting your time being here. I do background checks on people I work with…"_

Martha shook her head, and then looked at me. She wanted me to answer the question. So I tried to explain.

_"Well, it's just me actually who's trying to hide. But I'm telling you that I'm not a criminal or anything like that, or I don't owe anybody a large sum of money that I'm holing up. And as far as I know, I don't know anyone who wants to kill me that I need to go undercover. It's actually a very personal reason that I want to conceal my identity. And you might think the reason behind it is funny or just plain crazy, so I can't tell you…but it's really important to me that I have to hide from view." _

I was hoping that he wouldn't press on, but he still did.

_"Look, young lady, I've been in this business for 30 something years, and believe me when I say that I've heard everything and anything that would come out of a person's mouth. Just try me!" _

He was urging me. But I was sure that he never heard anybody telling him vampire tales ever. Of course I wouldn't say that, if I would want a shot at this. It would be funny though if I did! His reaction would be priceless! _So how's that for your 30-something years! You haven't heard everything yet…until now!_

But I decided to tell him anyway - or a part of it. Well, at least some truth wouldn't hurt. It would be just like how I would tell another human being about my case of unrequited love.

_"It's about an ex-boyfriend of mine. He left me 3 years ago and said that he wouldn't be coming back. I just don't want him to know what I am up to these days."_

_"An ex-boyfriend? That's it? You just want to hide from an ex?"_

_"Well, an ex and his family actually. I want to hide from them." _

_"What did this guy exactly do to you so bad that you want to go through all this? Did he beat you up, almost killed you…what? I'm dying to know!"_

_"Well, he almost killed me…" _In part, that's accurate enough.

_"Killed you? So he's violent then? And if he ever knew that you're here, he can stalk you and hurt you...? Is that what you're afraid of? I don't understand! You just told me a while ago that nobody wants to hurt you so it's not a reason you're hiding!"_

_"No! He didn't physically hurt me. He's not violent!" _Well, at least not to me, but to some true low-life criminals out there. I suddenly remembered the day _he_ saved me at Port Angeles. I cringed at the thought.

Martha might have seen that I was getting uncomfortable that she finally answered for me. She doesn't know anything about _Edward being a vampire_. But she sure knows enough to explain why I want to stay away from them.

_"He left her and said that he didn't love her. He broke up with her in the woods near her house, and left her there for dead. Isla was so devastated and depressed that she was catatonic for months. It was until my Vanessa…my daughter, who died in a tragic accident just recently, helped her cope up with her feelings of loss and grief through music. That's how she found her gift in which she's really good at, as you can see for yourself."_

_"Well, if he already left and said that he didn't love her, what makes you think that he would come back again in case that he hears about you or if he finds out where you are now?" _

It was a fair question. Why waste my entire time trying hiding from a ghost in my past with no guarantee that he would resurface again?

_"I don't really know if he would ever come back again. And frankly, I don't think he would ever want to. You see, three years ago, months after they left, I got myself into some trouble that I needed their help. I didn't want to ask them, but I had no choice. They were the only ones I knew who could help me. So, I tried to find them, contacted them, and asked them to call me back. But they never returned my call. They never came back to help me, even just for a while. _

_So, I'm sure that they don't want anything to do with me anymore at all! After that, I really felt more embarrassed, more ashamed than when he broke up with me. I felt that I had no self-pride left. I was so hard to myself that I promised I will never ever make any attempt to communicate with them anymore - directly or indirectly. I asked my parents not to tell them anything about me, just in case they would see them again. I asked my friends the same as well. _

_And if ever they learned that I'm already a songwriter and I'm writing all these songs and I'm hanging out with all these popular people, they would just think that it's nothing but a pathetic and disgraceful attempt on my part to reach out to them, to him! They would surely ignore me once more! I don't want to feel so unwanted ever again…to feel rejected, disdained, refused…"_

I was crying when I finished. I saw Mr. Burr's face turned red in humiliation - humiliation for being so curious, and now he had a crying girl in his office.

_"Oh! I see, now I understand why you never want each other to cross paths again. But pardon me, miss, since I'm already being a despicable ass in making you cry and a nosy parker as well, I just have to ask you more questions…_

_As I've said, I now understand why you want to hide…But why do you have these specific requests on your demand, say like: you don't want people to touch you; you don't want anyone to take things that you own or you have touched; you don't want those people you work with say things about you that are non-work related; no pictures; no videos; no taped conversations; no press conferences; no parties; no TV appearances; no radio interviews; actually, no interviews at all; you want to work with only essential people; you will wear shades at all time; and the weirdest of all, you will put on a rubber glove when signing anything…_

_I mean why would you ask for those? Let's break those down, shall we? I want to understand what I would sign here. Because what you're asking me is pretty strange..."_

Again, it's another fair question. I already explained to Mr. Burr about my sad case of unrequited love, and he thought it was normal and understandable.

Now, the bizarre part was up. I had to tell him the incredible abilities of the Cullens, without actually saying that it came from vampirism. I could work it out, I was sure, since he already told me that he heard anything and everything in this world. Besides, I was able to convince Martha of my story; he should buy it, too.

_"Well, the thing about my ex and his family, they're sort of like a family of super abilities…" _

I was still sniffling.

_"Ok! Ha ha! Now, we're talkin'!" _He was booming in laughter._ "I know there's a bizarre twist somewhere in your very sad, but nonetheless common, love story. I thought I've heard everything, but this is a first! What do you mean by super abilities? Like they're a bunch of superheroes that came from a neighboring planet? Or bitten by radioactive spiders? Something like that?"_

I forgot that I was crying that I wanted to laugh. I remember my radioactive spiders and kryptonite theories.

_"Um…no! It's not something like that, of course! Well, my ex is someone who's telepathic…"_

_"Telepathy? He can read minds, he can communicate with others using his mind, or he can move things without actually touching them? That telepathy? I don't know much about this thing, but I've watched enough Sci-Fi flicks to have an idea of what it is."_

It felt like he was mocking me.

_"Well, he can actually read other people's minds. He's somewhat good in 'guessing' at what other people are thinking. He can even sometimes 'see' inside other people's thoughts…But there's a flaw though…"_

His jaw dropped and his eyes squinted as he was trying to understand what I was telling him.

_"He can't read mine…but he can see me in other people's minds, and hear them when they think of my name. That is why I want to be called 'Isla Soleil', instead of my real name, and probably should ask you not to think of me as 'Isabella Swan'. Or even better, just forget that I'm Isabella. I'm Isla Soleil now…"_

Martha was just staring at Mr. Burr, trying to hold her laughter as he was still in shock from what I was telling him. I wouldn't be surprise if he suddenly picked up the phone and called for security to kick us out of his building.

Then, he started to say something.

_"Ok! Now I get it! I'm sorry I'm trying to digest everything you're telling me." _

He was rubbing his forehead as he was trying to speak. Then he continued.

_"You're telepathic ex can read minds, except yours, but he can hear or see you in other people's thoughts. And that's a problem! Because you can be hiding under a rock, but if he happens to see or hear a mind of someone who has seen you, then you'll blow your cover…_

_So then, you're asking me and all the people you'll work with to call you 'Isla Soleil', because there'll be no way that he would know that it's you. _

_And I'm gonna take a guess here, that the thing about the glasses, is for you to try to be unrecognizable, like what you're doing now. I would even bet that that hair of yours… is not even your real hair, and you're not a real blonde. You don't really wear make-up or even a dress. You're just trying to look and be someone who is the opposite of real you… because you're incognito!_

_And you're doing all of this because you don't want to come across your ex who had hurt you so much that it almost killed you…am I right? Or did I miss anything?"_

This time it was Martha and I who were stunned. I would admit he was good. I just couldn't tell if he was being serious or he was just playing along.

But I found myself nodding.

_"Yeah. You're absolutely right! Even about the sunglasses, and my attire…you're good!"_

_"Ha ha! I told you. There's nothing that scares me or surprises me anymore. I know everything about them._

_But your story is pretty unique. I'll give you that. And yes, you really are in a sticky wicket! Ok…so we've got the name change and sunglasses thing cleared out. _

_The 'no picture, no video, no taped conversations, no interview' thing is pretty consistent with someone who is trying to hide from public view. _

_And there's this thing that you don't want them to say anything personal about you - like your physical appearance, your behavior, your personality…because, of course, news travel fast, so it's safe to say nothing about you, because again you're trying to lay low._

_Well, what about the thing about people touching you, or taking things that you might have touched, or ha ha ha…this one-this one's I've never heard before! Rubber gloves!" _

Mr. Burr was really trying to make me explain every detail on my exigency.

_"You see, Mr. Burr, this is where his whole family, and my ex as well, are kind of involved in the whole thing. I don't know how to explain it. You see…the reason for those requests is so he and his family won't be able to recognize my scent…"_

I was staring at him without blinking, as I was trying to watch his reaction. Martha was doing the same too, for she knew how weird it is to hear that for the first time. It was a good thing that I made a research on my excuse for this ability of theirs.

_"What? What do you mean scent? What are they? Dogs? Is that their other super ability…super smell?"_

I bit the side of my cheek as I tried so hard not to laugh. Dogs! If only Mr. Burr knew that there are _certain dogs_ that would _kill_ them in an instant! I finally found my composure to speak.

_"It's actually a phenomenon called __synesthesia__."_

His face was more baffled than before.

_"Synes-this-what? What bloody hell is that?"_

_"Synesthesia! They're called synesthetes. Have you heard of people who can taste colors, or who can see musical notes with colors, others can even taste them?"_

I could see his face brightening up as he finally understood what I was trying to explain.

_"Ahhh! I think I've seen that in a documentary special on a telly once. It's actually brilliant! So, they're these people who experience that kind of phenomenon?"_

_"Yes. Well, in their case, every person has somewhat a distinct smell, so I have a particular smell that they can recognize, which unfortunately for me, according to them, my scent is pretty strong than everyone else. They can even smell me from another person if I happened to get in contact with them - like hugging or even just rubbing. Also, they can smell me from the things I have touched…"_

_"Ahhh…ok, I think I know where you're going with this. So, they have this condition, which unfortunately for you, hiding under the rock is not enough as you must cover your tracks, because they can get a whiff of you._

_So, you try to keep your distance with almost everyone, if possible. And you don't touch things without your 'rubber gloves' because you don't want to leave your scent?"_

_"Yes…Mr. Burr! Wow! It's not really so hard to explain it to you!"_

_"And all of them have this condition?"_

_"Yes, it clusters within families, consistent with a genetic origin for it."_

He stared at me carefully. Then he asked.

_"Isn't that hard though…for you I mean? What if you need to go to a flower shop, or a grocery store, or a mall? You can't tell them to keep their distance from you…"_

_"Well, I thought about that. But then I realized that being in a flower shop, or a grocery store, or a mall won't give so much information about me, because it's pretty normal for someone to go to those places. _

_But if they 'smell' me from people who are in the music industry…they might have a clue of what I'm doing now. And although I'm pretty sure they wouldn't bother me anymore, there's still that possibility that they would, and I don't know how I could face them again. I'm already ok now…but I might just lose everything at that point…"_

He seemed to be quiet from that point, appeared to be in deep thought. Then he suddenly asked me.

_"Hmmm…but how long?"_

_"I'm sorry? What?"_

I was unexpectedly confused by his question. Martha was just quiet, listening to our conversation.

_"I'm wondering how long you are going to hide. You can't do that whole your life! I understand that your ex is a jerk for lying to you and leaving you. And he doesn't deserve you! But you shouldn't punish yourself so hard! _

_There's a possibility that that guy is having a time of his life right now, enjoying things. While here you are, like in some kind of a government witness protection program, appears to be just one card short of a full deck, going underground! _

_Look! I can only tell that you've gone through a lot and that it pushed you against the wall and forced you to be this stranger. But you have to let it go sometime. You can't just let this guy live in your head rent free! You got to say sometime that 'when life is being such a dick, you just fuck it!' "_

I was surprised by what Mr. Burr had told me. It looked like he was mad at I was going through. For a moment, I saw Charlie in him.

_"I'm planning to do that. It's actually one of my goals to come out and say that I wrote all those songs myself. It's a promise I've made to my friend Vanessa, Martha's daughter…" _

I looked at Martha. Then, I saw Mr. Burr's eyes gleaming with joy in a sudden.

_"Ok? So when are you planning to do that? Six months from now? A year?"_

_"Oh! No no no no no! That is too soon! Baby steps, Mr. Burr, baby steps! I want to write songs first and have someone sing them. I want to make so much beautiful music, without getting interruption from some unpleasant visitors. I think I will go incognito for a while, even just for a few years, and then I'll reveal myself!"_

Mr. Burr went quiet for a moment, and then he smiled.

_"Hmmm…that brings me to my next question. Who is singing on the demo cd that you gave me?"_

_"That was Isla, Mr. Burr." _Martha was so quick to answer.

She was grinning from ear to ear, proud to let him know.

_"Wow! Not only you're a very good songwriter, your singing voice is superb too! It's not uncommon to have those kinds of people actually. But in your case, I never really heard anybody sing like you do…Ha ha ha! I'm chuffed to bits!"_

Martha and I stared at each other, puzzled by what Mr. Burr was trying to say.

_"Ok, here's the thing! I've decided to let you sign, and I'll consider your demands, so I'll also sign this…"_

He was pointing at the bunch of papers we handed him earlier.

_"Really? Oh thank you! Thank you so much! You don't know how much this means to me. I promise you, Mr. Burr, I will never let you down. I'll work very hard so I can provide you with endless hit songs!"_

Martha was also excited with his decision. Then Mr. Burr said something more.

_"Yes, you have to do that. That's why I hired you. But I'm not really worried about your songwriting capability. I have a good feeling that you won't let me down. So, I'll let you sign and you'll get what you want…__**but**__!"_

Oh no! There was a condition, a catch. I should have known.

"_What is it, Mr. Burr?" _Martha questioned him, with a smudge of worry in her tone.

_"You said you sang those songs, right?"_

I nodded.

_"And you also said that you're going to come out of hiding in a few years, correct?"_

I nodded again.

_"How old are you again, Isla?"_

_"I just turned 21 last September."_

He got up and circled the room. Then, he walked toward his window before he faced us once more.

_"Ok…I'm gonna let you sign five year contract, and within those years, I will grant all your requests, and I promise you that I'll do everything in my power so you won't blow your cover. Well, I'm gonna sign your contract too, so I don't really have any choice in that matter, do I? But I have to have my very own demands too!" _

Mr. Burr was still contemplating, and then he continued.

"_Here's how I want it to go. After your 25__th__ birthday, which will also be around the 4__th__ year of your contract, we will start planning for your revelation that will happen January the following year. I'm thinking of a small-venue concert, something like a mini-event- just to let the public know who really Isla Soleil is. We will also make an announcement that you will make an album, which will be released that year on your 26__th__ birthday. _

_The day before the album is released, you will hold a major concert, so you can fully promote your album or say your thank you's or what-have-you's. All of those things should be done before your contract expires."_

Martha and I were speechless. I didn't anticipate that he would suggest this. When I mentioned that I would plan to reveal myself, I was thinking more of a small press conference, just letting the public know that "Yeah, it's me Isla. And I'm not hiding anymore! So now that you all know, you can finally leave me in peace."

But to make an album or even a concert was something I never thought of doing. I hoped that I could at least get out of it. Martha seemed to know what I was thinking, so she hit him with a question.

_"Is this merely a proposition or do we have any choice in the matter? What if we don't agree?"_

Mr. Burr was very quiet for a moment. And then his face fell as he replied.

_"I'm sorry. I'm not merely suggesting. It's my very own demand. A revelation after her 25__th__ birthday, an album, and a major concert on her 26__th__ birthday; those things or nothing at all! _

_Look! I'm willing to give her 4 years of being a songwriter in clandestineness, full privacy, confidentiality and concealment! All and everything that you'll need, I'll provide. But the very last year of her contract with this company, just give it to me. I want to introduce her to the world! Her songwriting is phenomenal, but her singing is unparalleled. _

_I can't just let her contract expires without having other people know about her! If her ex and his family have a certain 'gift' of some sort, then my 'gift' is to recognize talent, enhance it, and share it with others!_

_You said it yourself, Martha. I'm the best there is! And you're right, I'm not just after the money, I'm also after the love of music. My conscience won't let me rest if I don't help her get out of her shell. The only way you can stop me from doing this is if you refuse and argue the toss…and if you do that, I'm sorry, I can't let her sign._

_I'm not even going to take any money from her by the time she makes her public appearance. I know that you're aware, Martha how much money it takes just to produce and promote a record! And I don't care! I'm not after anything except to see her out there, where she belongs! Even if it's the last thing I would do…_

_In the meantime, when you agree, I'll help her become popular among the greatest artists we have right now. Although I know that with her talent in songwriting, I don't really have to do much because they will love her after she's handed them their next hit! It's only a matter of introducing her to them, and I can definitely do that! Millions of songwriters out there will kill for that kind of opportunity I'm giving her. _

_Plus, the stories she told me a while ago…that's the last time she'll ever have to say anything like that. Those stories end here now and won't ever get out of this room. I'll take those to my grave. I won't even think about them, so no telepathic lad can read you in my mind. And she will never have to explain to others about her own requests either. I'll handle that. I promise! As I have said I will do everything in my power so you can remain incognito, well until your revelation._

_Besides, I'm not just a record label producer, I'm a publisher as well! I can turn your music into money, and you'll be prosperous in no time…even though I think you don't care much about that aspect…_

_Just, please, give yourself a chance! Even only once and break your duck! You should see yourself clearly that you are great… And great people should share their immensity and merit with the world, and not hide about it! I'm giving you a very good deal here…Other record labels don't care for this kind of baggage…_

_One album, two concerts - one revelation…that's all I'm asking for! And after that, after your contract expires, if you wish, you can damn me to hell and don't have to see me again. But it would be really nice if both of you will be my friends... for life._

_I believe in you Isla. I believe in your potential. I truly believe in your talent."_

Mr. Burr was finally done with his speech. His eyes were pleading as if it would be his lost if I refused, though I could also see that he was trying very hard to make it seem the other way around.

I then looked at Martha, seeking for her advice. She smiled at me like she was saying that Mr. Burr was right. Then, I remembered Vanessa, on how delighted she would be if she knew. I wasn't only doing it for me, I was also doing it for her.

Besides, Mr. Burr was correct about how absurd it is to live my entire life in suppression. _Edward_ managed to take my life away and I should take it back! Slowly, I could take it back, and within four years would be perfect.

I knew that I would always be hurting by what _he_ had done to me, but it should stop there - _he_ should only hurt me inside my mind or deep in my heart, and no more. _He _shouldn't impair my chances of having a full life once again…

I smiled back at Martha. The gleam in her eyes when she saw me smiled could only mean that she was happy with my choice. Mr. Burr was still waiting for my reply.

_"Mr. Burr, I couldn't be more thankful enough for what you are trying to do for me. It only shows that you're truly and sincerely different from them. You have a heart that cares. You have a genuine passion for music that I also have. _

_But Mr. Burr, to make an album or have a concert is something that I don't have in mind. It's never in my plan to do any of those things. It seems like it's too much to ask from me…"_

I saw Mr. Burr's face got shrouded in regret and disappointment. Then he nodded as if he was telling me that he understood. But I continued as I wasn't done.

_"Then I realize that, just like you, the things I'm requesting are also too much too ask. The only difference between our demands is that what you're asking me is for my own benefit, not yours. _

_In fact, you will even go out on a limb by producing an album for me which is an expensive thing to do, and not gain any profit from it. And because of that, you have made me believe that your intentions are genuine and unsullied. _

_So, it will be so selfish of me, so egotistical, and so foolish-to say no. And I decided to get out of my comfort zone-four years from now and ask you to help me reveal myself to the world…"_

I ended my reply with a wide smile.

I witnessed Mr. Burr got out of his seat and almost jumped for joy!

_"Yes! I'm so glad! You know you won't regret it! You'll be taken care of here. I guarantee you!"_

_"Thanks, Mr. Burr! I know I made the right decision!"_

Martha got up to hug me. About an hour later, we were finally done signing our contracts. I was so elated. I knew what I did was right because I just felt good afterwards.

_"Welcome to Burr Records, Ms. Isla Soleil! I would shake your hand but I would be in violation of our contract."_

Then we all laughed.

_"Um, Mr. Burr," _I managed to ask him before leaving his office. _"How will you explain to them about the conditions of my demand?"_

_"Easy! I'll throw in a bunch of medical terms that their head will be spinning afterwards so they wouldn't even bother to question some more. I'll say you're a health freak germaphobe who also suffers with some sort of social anxiety disorder…"_

I was surprised that he could think about it so fast that I was speechless. He must have noticed it, so then he suggested something else.

_"Or we can go tell the story of your ex with super abilities. It's your choice. What would you like?"_

_"I like the first one, sir."_

_Damn! Why didn't I think of that? _I just said to myself.

Mr. Burr stayed true to his words. For four years, I never had any problem with my endeavor to be anonymous. He helped me explain to the artists and their agents, well the first-timers, the reasons behind my demand. Fortunately, once Mr. Burr throws in a bunch of medical mumbo jumbo, they would shut up and nod their heads as if they understood. Although, I couldn't help but leave them an impression that I was somewhat a kook and a screwball.

He even hired the greatest publicists to help erase rumors and gossips that would threaten to come out about me, as being a very good songwriter comes with the price of gaining attention. The artists themselves have also learned to defend me as they couldn't help but love me for bringing the success they're experiencing.

He also gave me so much opportunity to work with many artists that in no time, everything was starting to pay off - financially speaking. A year after getting signed, Mr. Burr gave me a very huge bonus for having a perfect record of making every song a hit. I then bought a place for me and Martha. I got a great deal, with Mr. Burr's help, to obtain a two-floor penthouse for myself in Hudson Avenue, and a huge loft for Martha in another luxury penthouse condominium building.

Martha has been very good in managing my finances that I can actually retire anytime I wish, and I won't have to worry about running out of money ever.

I didn't forget about Charlie and Renee, of course. Charlie refused to move into another house, so I got our old house in Forks renovated. It's extended so it's much bigger now, giving Charlie his very own entertainment room so he and Billy could enjoy watching the games.

Renee, on the other hand, now lives in an exclusive condominium in Miami. I asked her where she wanted to live, and she never hesitated to tell me, unlike Charlie.

They were also each given a car of their choice. This time, I asked Charlie not to hold back. At first he was very reluctant, but he gave in anyway. He chose a Ford Shelby Cobra GT500. He only drives it once a week.

In the meantime, Renee, who never has a clue about car like me, took Phil's advice and asked for BMW M3 GTR. She and Phil take their "baby" out everyday.

I offered them some help in their finances, but they both declined, saying that it was never my responsibility to give them money. I tried to argue but they couldn't be persuaded.

So I just insisted on buying them both a retirement plan, as I never want them to worry about their senior years. They agreed and asked it should be the last thing I should purchase for them. I respected their decisions.

Now, four years have passed, and it's my turn to keep my end of the bargain. After my 25th birthday, Mr. Burr never wasted a minute on planning about my reveal.

And now, 2 days before my mini-concert, he's in my office to check on how I'm holding up.

_"How's my superstar?" _Mr. Burr greets me as he walks in.

_"Good. Good. I'm actually heading over to the venue later. I'm gonna check the stage, have a feel about it, and do some final sound check. I will be resting tomorrow, especially my voice. I won't talk for the whole day, and maybe the whole Saturday morning. I need to be rested and stay focused."_

_"Atta girl! I would give you a hug, but I realize that our contract is still binding…"_

Mr. Burr is smiling as he takes the seat in front of my desk.

_"Funny, Mr. Burr! Wait until after the concert…we'll all have a hug fest! You'll get sick of me in no time!"_

_"Ha ha! For someone who's having a first major event in two days, you seem to be very calm! Anyway, I'll be there later to supervise you. The missus is coming as well. She's just as excited as I am!"_

_"Oh yeah! That's great! I haven't seen Betty in a while now. I thought she's in London."_

_"She came back last week. She managed everything there pretty well. She couldn't just wait for me to retire so we could go back there."_

_"I don't think you would retire. Ha ha! Poor Betty! You're giving her false hope!"_

_"I am not! We're gonna go back to London when I'm done here! Besides, the most important aspect of my legacy hasn't started yet! But on Saturday it will! '__Isla Soleil: The Face behind the Music__.' Ahhh! I love that tagline! Oh you know, I really like the songs you'll be singing this Saturday! They're fantastic!"_

_"Thanks Mr. Burr! Although I know you're just buttering me up!"_

_"What's wrong with you? Of course not! You should believe in yourself Isla! And what else could I ask for really? You're the easiest album I've produced ever! But nonetheless, the most important, in my opinion. You've written all your songs without any help, sang them as well, and they all sound great! Easy peasy...so what else could I ask for?"_

Then, Mr. Burr suddenly stops, as if he remembered something. Then, he continues talking.

_"Well, there's something more that I could ask for."_

_"What is it?" _I am curious. What else is lacking?

_"It's not much. It's just about the contest winners. If you could just guide them in the right direction, so you guys will come up with brilliant songs for the album. But I'm sure you can do it. I've heard that the winners are not morons, at least. So they should not give you a hard time."_

_"Yeah…about those people?"_

_"Uh-huh! What about them?"_

Mr. Burr is curious as what I'm about to say.

_"Martha told me when I came in today that one of them has called my office this morning, letting us know that a certain Mr. Jenks will arrive around 10 to discuss some matters with me."_

_"What kind of matters? Are they backing out? Are they asking for money?"_

_"No, it's not something like that. It's actually the other way around. They're just making sure that 'I' won't change my mind, that no matter what happens, I will never abandon them until the major concert in September."_

_"Do they want you to sign an agreement?"_

_"Apparently, yes. That's why Mr. Jenks will meet me."_

_"Uh-huh! You know what? I think that it would be wise for you not to get involved in that. Let Martha and me handle it for you. I mean you have this Saturday and I want you to focus on only that. Other matters let me deal with them."_

_"That's what I told Martha! She and Atty. Parker will meet him someplace else, though Mr. Jenks thought that he would be coming here to meet us. But I said that it would be bad idea…"_

_"Yeah, don't let him come here. He can go to my office if he wants. Does Martha have a general power of attorney?"_

_"Yes, and I told her to give them what they want. If they want me to stay with them all the time, then I will. I don't see any problem!"_

_"Wow! You don't seem to be making a song and dance about this. Really? Give what they want? Ha! Anyway, kindly tell Martha that I will also be coming with them."_

As I am about to call my assistant/manager, she timely knocks and comes into the office.

_"Um, Martha! Mr. Kevin Burr will come with you to meet Mr. Jenks, ok? He seems anxious too as to what our winners may want from us now. Have you talked to him yet?"_

_"Yes. I just did. We're meeting him at Tribeca Grill at 12. He's not so thrilled to know that you won't be there, but he understood as you have something coming up on Saturday and very busy for some last minute preparations."_

_"That's good. Well, then, I'll better go back to my office so to let my secretary know to cancel my 12:00. This is more important. I'll go see you later at the concert venue by 2. You guys can start without me." _Mr. Burr seems in a hurry to get out. I know that he hates sudden interruption like Mr. Jenks.

I get up to walk Mr. Burr out the door when he stops me and asks me to just sit down.

_"You don't have to get up. Just rest or relax or whatever you have to do. Ok? Don't worry about that Jenks guy. And Martha? I'll see you later at Tribeca. Cheerio."_

_"Bye. Thanks Mr. Burr for coming." _It's all I could manage to say.

He then waves and leaves the office. Martha stays inside. So I immediately interrogates her.

_"So you talked to Mr. Jenks. Who is he exactly?"_

_"He's their attorney."_

_"What do they want?"_

_"Exactly what the girl had told me this morning; they want to make sure you're not going to withdraw or cancel. Apparently, they are very anxious to meet you as they're your biggest fans."_

_"Cancel? Why in the world would I do that? What do they think of this? A pyramid scheme? Take the money and run? There's not even any amount of money involved in here! If there's someone who's supposed to be nervous about somebody reneging, it should be us! We've provided them tickets, accommodations, and even a concierge and a chauffeur just so they'll be comfortable in their stay here! I don't understand!"_

My voice is starting to rise with worry.

_"Quit worrying, will you? Just let us handle this! They're just a bunch of kids who happen to be fanatic of your work, and they just worry that you won't pay attention to them! What do they know about you, right? They might be thinking that you're some big-shot songwriter who acts like a diva, might refuse to actually work with them! So they're just securing things on their end, so that they will get what they expected to get…"_

_"Sure, whatever you say…"_

I'm still not convinced. Why are they making a big deal out of this? What could they possibly do that would make me go back on the deal? Martha takes me out of my reverie.

_"Earth to Bella, over here…yoo-hoo!"_

_"Oh! I'm sorry! Are you saying something?"_

_"I'm just asking what kind of food you will like. I'll have somebody get it for you. I won't be having lunch with you, remember?"_

_"Ah! I'll have a salad."_

_"Ok, you'll have a salad - and some chicken marsala. You need to eat more. The last thing we want is you getting sick!"_

_"Yeah, marsala sounds great." _

My mind isn't on what I'll eat. It's still about that damn Mr. Jenks guy.

_"You're still worrying. Why don't you just stay here for a while. Wait for me to get back. And I'll let you know everything that happens, ok?"_

I just nod at her, and then she leaves. I walk back to the window of the office and sit on the floor. I can't help but feel that this songwriting contest is a bad idea after all.


	14. Chapter 14 The Songwriting Contest

_**CHAPTER 14**_

_**The Songwriting Contest**_

Three months before my 25th birthday, Kevin Burr had been anxious about my oncoming debut. He was already formulating plans on what to do in order to make this event a unique and memorable one.

So, around July last year, he had this idea that he thought would be a good publicity for the event, not that I truly needed it. It was a songwriting challenge.

This challenge was _not _your typical songwriting contest at all. This was _not_ where one would submit his already-made-composition, and we would choose the best ones.

It was actually designed so that everybody would have a chance of winning, even those who are not creative enough to make up their own songs. And to make it even easier, only one entry is required for a group of 5, as we need 5 people.

All an aspiring group had to do was to submit a very simple entry that answers to a very simple question: "Why Making Music is Important to You?" They only had three months, which was until October, to turn in their entry from the time that Mr. Burr announced the challenge in July.

It was actually kind of quick, if you ask me, he only had the idea a minute ago, then, he already managed to make the announcement right away.

Anyway, a team was formed by Mr. Burr, so they would choose the winner among the entries - millions of them sent from all over the world (when I heard how many entries there are, I was glad Kevin didn't ask me to read those).

They only had about a month to choose the winning group, as time was allotted for the FBI thorough background investigation. And also, time was also needed to prepare all the things they would need, making sure that there wouldn't be any problem.

Their style or method of choosing the winning group: I'm not really sure, but I can only tell that they were told to choose submissions that are relevant…those who sent theirs that are pranks, jokes, or just plain nonsense would be discarded, no matter how crafty and funny they are (I was once told that there was an entry that says "People on Earth make music because we try to communicate with the aliens on Mars…_yeah, that was just the reason I'm making songs - I have an alien correspondence! Well, why the hell not? I've been with vampires and wolves…aliens should join the party too!_).

After they were chosen, a thorough background checks was conducted. FBI did the "digging" on these people, as Mr. Burr prefers people whose records are blemish free. The winners were then notified about a week before the mini-concert event.

They are provided with airfare, accommodation, a concierge and a chauffeur. Then, when the event comes, which is in two days, they will have front-row seats at the concert, with a private meet-and-greet with me during the after-party (as there will be an hour of another meet-and-greet and autograph signing with the rest of the guests right after the concert).

It will be the first time I will meet them. I could have tried to arrange an introduction with them the morning before the concert, but I know that I will be so pre-occupied, not to mention nervous, about the coming night. I don't want to give them a wrong first impression, which I will appear like a snob or even a "diva" when I order people around, as I am not one.

I also don't think that I will be able to accommodate them enough as I should and I don't want them to feel ignored, unwanted, or out of place. I will really like it if they will feel at home here in New York, as it is important for the task we will both have ahead.

And when the event in Saturday is finally over, it will be the perfect timing to become acquainted with them, as I will not be as tense as before the first event. See, after the mini-concert in Saturday, their real challenge is not done…it's not yet even started. The entry that they've sent was merely just a warm-up.

This is when the "songwriting" part of the contest will begin. Each of those five people will have a chance to _co-write _a song with me, a brand new song, which I will incorporate into my album.

The album will have a debut in about 8 months - around September, on my birthday to be exact. That debut will be the first major concert I will have - and the reason why the event in Saturday is only called the _"mini concert," _because it will be short, as I will only sing five songs.

During the mini-concert, the songs I will sing are all my compositions from my early days of song writing, part of my personal collection as a matter of fact, and most importantly, Vanessa had chosen them to be my very best. Those will be included in the album as well with the 5 brand new compositions I will co-write with the winners.

Mr. Burr and I are actually planning to have 13 songs in the album. 13 as my birthday is on September 13th, and I think I haven't been so unlucky after all. So I decided to write 3 more, which I will do while I am also trying to help my aspiring songwriters with their own.

I have 8 months…8 months is a very long time and I can do it! Besides, I have written songs within even a shorter amount of time than that, and I was not even pressured at all. What could possibly make me nervous now?

I am known to write songs about the matters of the heart, and that is what I will ask the winning group to write about - their hearts, their loves, their reasons why they feel alive as they are now. It shouldn't be that hard, knowing anybody can be passionate about someone.

And even if they don't have anybody to call their own now or never had one, I can easily manipulate them into thinking about what do they seek as their perfect love, their perfect counterpart, and their perfect other half. They can be writing about their crushes, for all I care…as long as they can feel the emotions in what they are writing, which is the most important part of the songwriting process.

Also if ever they don't want to impart any nice stories of their romantic life, because all they have are pain, anguish and yearning, then, it will do well too…as long as the emotion is there for the listeners to feel their sorrow.

But now, there's something about those winners that is really questionable. Why do they need to send their attorney to make me sign an agreement? An agreement that will secure them that I will keep my end of the bargain? Why?

Then, I begin to wonder while I'm eating the chicken on my marsala.

_Five people…five young people who come from a well-off family. Is it possible? Could it be them? But it's unlikely! They're not the type of people who like to mingle, let alone join some freakin' contest. Well, they might, especially if they know that I'm involved! There's only one way to know. I'll start with their names._

I then try to reach Martha on her cell. It's not even noon yet, so she might still be in the car.

_"Martha, do you, by any chance, have the names of the winners of the contest?"_

_"Um, yeah. I have them right here. I thought you're not interested."_

_"Well, I changed my mind. I think I want to know... now if you please!"_

_"Ok! Ok! Just wait! Jeez! Where's the fire?"_

The suspense is killing me. If the winners are them, then how in the world am I going to get out of this? I have to know, or else I won't be able to concentrate on my rehearsal later. Martha suddenly starts to speak.

_"Ok. I have them now: they are McCarty Brandon, Anthony Brandon and Mary Brandon. The other two are Lillian Whitlock and Cass Whitlock. Now, don't tell me you recognize any of these names? Besides, they're younger than you…about 7 or 8 years. I don't think you hang out with a bunch of kids before…"_

_**[Author's Note: Emmett is McCarty Brandon - McCarty was his last name when he was human while Brandon was Alice's last name while human. Anthony Brandon is Edward, as he was named Edward Anthony when he was born. Mary Brandon is Alice, as her full first name is Mary Alice. Lillian Whitlock is Rose - Lillian was her middle name as human, and Whitlock was Jasper's last name when human. Cass Whitlock is Jasper - Cass sounds like Casper which is another name for Jasper. **_

_**Alice, who entered the contest for them, had their names changed with a knowledge that she needed to alter their names for the purpose of this challenge. More about it later. *_^ ]**_

_"No, I don't know them."_ I sound more disappointed than relieved.

_"See? Well, we're already here at the restaurant. I'll see you later ok."_

_"Thanks Martha."_

I push the end button to hang up. I try to forget about those people. It's not them, so there's nothing for me to worry about. I need to focus on the event on Saturday. I then take out my music sheets and start working.

An hour and a half later, I find Martha knocking on my door.

_"How did it go?"_

I don't sound so interested in it anymore.

_"It's ok. There's nothing really out of the ordinary, except for the condition that the agreement entails."_

I look up to see Martha.

_"What condition?"_

_"Well, it says in the agreement that if you try to back out or cancel on them, they won't sue you…"_

_"Ok, then what's the problem? Will they ask for money?"_

_"No, they're not asking for a cent."_

_"Then what will they ask for from me?"_

_"They ask that once you back out, you'll be obligated to spend everyday with them for the next two years, without fail. And for every time that you try to break off, another year will be added. It sounds like a jail sentence if you ask me. Ha ha!"_

_"What? I have to spend time with them for 2 years! Are they insane?"_

_"Hey! Look who's talking Ms. Rubber Gloves! Actually it's much worse than the initial suggestion, they were actually asking 10 years if you violate the agreement the first time! And miraculously, we've all decided that two years would suffice."_

_"10 years? What is that? Did you really check the background of these people? Are you really sure that they're not all a bunch of dingbats? And why did you agree?"_

_"Yes, we did! And what are you really scared of? You're giving what they want. You're not backing out, are you? There's no reason, is there! Besides, you only need to spend time with them for 8 months, if not you'll have to endure them for 2 years. So if I were you, I better get used to them, ok? And stop worrying! You very well told us this morning to give them anything that they want! We even negotiated for you!"_

_"I know! I know! I'm sorry…it's just so strange."_

_"There's nothing strange anymore, as Mr. Burr would say…"_

_"What about Mr. Burr? What did he say?"_

_"Ha! Mr. Burr was just laughing his ass off! He said the day has finally come where you already met your match when it comes to contracts and crazy demands!"_

_"I'm glad you guys had fun!"_

I want to laugh because it's true. But I can't laugh because of the strange feeling I'm getting from those people.

_"Well, it was really funny! Anyway, it's almost 2 and Mr. Burr is already on his way to the venue. You better bust a move too! Andy is already downstairs, waiting."_

_"Ok…I'll see you later, Martha!"_

_"Good luck! I'll pass by there after I get off!"_

She then leaves the office, as I prepare my things to bring over to the rehearsal. _Hmmm...soon_. I say to myself.

_Very soon I will meet those strange people_. It's only a matter of time.


	15. Chapter 15 Coming Home

_**CHAPTER 15**_

_**Coming Home**_

**Edward's POV**

_It's been seven years, four months, two weeks, and six days_. And I still remember her very lucidly - her beautiful heart shaped face, her warm pale skin, her long straight brown hair, her large brown eyes that are full of expression, and her freesia-like scent that still remains incomparable…

How can I forget? How can I just erase from my mind the true meaning to my existence, the light in my moonless night, my lone soul mate, my only love? It's impossible! It will never happen. And I don't want to forget…even if I could.

And as time goes by, as every second passes, she never leaves my mind. I always see her face. And of course, she never leaves my heart, as I have never stopped loving her…and I will never stop, as long as I exist.

Because of that, I'm always fighting harder everyday not to break my promise of no interference from me. I'm always trying to distract myself so I won't bother her again. Because if I come back to her, I don't think I will be strong enough to stay away. I can never leave her…never again.

_But it's for her own good_. I would always tell myself. I can't put her in danger all the time. I love her so much that I must protect her. That's why even when I'm not with her anymore, I always try to shield her from harm. It's the reason why I'm always travelling, as I'm looking for someone, following…_tracking_…

Besides, even if I decided one day to show up and meddle in her life once more, how could I face her? I hurt her so much! I committed the blackest kind of blasphemy when I told her that I didn't want her anymore.

But I never had a choice. She wouldn't let it go. I had to convince her that I didn't love her anymore. It was the hardest decision I had ever made. Every word of my lie had shattered me over and over. It killed me again and again, and it's still killing me. But if she thought that I had moved on, so would she.

But the most painful memory of all is the look in her eyes when she honestly believed my lie! It was so absurd and ridiculous! After all those times, day after day, moment upon moment that I told her I love her so very much, how could just one lie break her faith in me? I need her! And it is really hard to exist without her! How could she just discard that?

Well, I guess, that's what I get for lying to her. That's what I get for hurting her. Isn't that what I want? Isn't that the reason I lied to her - so she could move on and live a normal life? If she thought that I never loved her and hated me for that, if that belief could aid her in any way so she could move on quickly, then I must accept this terrible fate. I must always endure that painful memory, that look in her eyes when she believed my lie. It's the worst agony in my existence, but I brought it upon myself, so I should suffer!

The only thing I prayed for after leaving her was that I hoped she didn't live a hell of a life when I left. I wish that she didn't have to suffer as much as I suffered before and as I am now, which only gets worse every moment without her. I am counting that time would heal her wounds and that her mind would be a sieve.

But still, there are those times when I would ask myself if she still thinks about me. Does she still remember me? Does she want to remember me? Does she miss me? Does she still love me - in any way?

It's been more than seven years. Maybe she doesn't remember me that much anymore, or she doesn't want to. Maybe I hardly enter her mind. Maybe she loathes me. And maybe she just doesn't love me…anymore.

It hurts to face the fact that there is a possibility that she doesn't love me anymore, that she already has forgotten about our past. But it's what I asked for her to do, so I should accept that risk. Although deep in my heart, it would still be nice to know that somehow I still have a place in her heart, no matter how small.

And yes, it has been seven years already. She's 25 now! I always wonder what had happened to her. Once in a while, I would cheat though. I would alter my voice and call up the Swan residence, pretend that I'm a telemarketer and look for Bella. All the while I would hope that it would be Bella herself who would pick up the phone, but I would always find Charlie on the other line.

When Charlie would be asked where she is, he would always say that '_Bella's not here anymore. And don't bother with whatever you want to offer her, because she's not interested and she never will be. She's busy living her life_!'

That would be enough for me to know that at least, she's still alive.

With all the things in the world that can kill a human being, even not related to any vampire, a thousand ways to die as they say, together with Bella's luck…Ahhh! I can't go on with that thought. I can't think of Bella being de..! I can't say it! Because I won't be able to continue existing without her in this world anymore!

The moment I would learn that Bella is gone, I won't waste any time to go to Italy - to the Volturi, and ask for the same fate as hers. There's no sense anymore for me to continue to be alive, to subsist.

The fact that she's still breathing right now is my only incentive I strive to remain alive everyday, regardless of the deep agony I feel.

I still wonder every day - how is my Bella now? Did she go to college? I'm sure she would. She's a very bright person and she would make Charlie and Renee happy if she would finish her schooling.

And if she did, what school did she go to? What course did she take? Did she love it? I'm certain she had excelled in whatever she did back then. I just hope she enjoyed every minute of it.

I also ponder on what kind of career she has now. I'm leaning towards something that has to do with literature, since she loves reading. She could be an author, a novelist to be exact, someone like Jane Austen. She would be brilliant with those, I'm sure. The best love stories ever told would be her masterpieces.

Maybe in one of those novels would be our own love story…a beautiful human girl who fell in love with a dangerous vampire. It would be a best seller, I'm sure. And it would be my most favorite novel ever, which I would certainly read every waking moment. But that is…if she would consider our love story to be a great one. How could she do that? If she hates me? And I left her in the end…how can that be a great story?

Well, she could be a teacher, too. If she was a teacher, I wonder what school she would be teaching at. I hope she would instruct students in high school or college. And maybe, in a simple but odd twist of fate, I could be one of her students.

Wow! If that happened, I wouldn't want to leave school anymore! School would no longer be hell or purgatory for me. If I had to pretend that I'm someone who is brainless and obtuse, so I would be held back year after year after year just so I could be taught by her again, or at least Bella could tutor me personally, I would be proud and happy to wear the dunce cap all the time.

Ahhh! I just can't do that to her! I can't interfere in her life anymore. But if I'm already in that situation, I know that I don't have the strength to stay away…anymore.

Whatever Bella has chosen to do right now career wise, I'm sure she will be great, for she is wonderful and clever that she can be whatever she wants to be. However, there are some professions that I'm certain she wouldn't even consider herself being into.

Like for example, she couldn't be a doctor or a nurse. She's the most passionate and caring human being I've ever known, which is actually vital in being a doctor or a nurse. But how can she do that if she can't stand the smell of blood without being nauseated and sickened? How's that for a doctor? I could only imagine her in a white coat, woozy and sick in the sight of blood! It would be a funny sight.

Bella can't also be in the show business. I even once teased her that she couldn't consider acting as a career because she couldn't pretend or play-act very well. She couldn't be a famous dancer either since she hates dancing with every fiber of her being. It's just an accident waiting to happen, according to her.

And _music wise_…well, she loves to listen to songs, but I don't think she plays any musical instrument and I never even heard her sing. She even cried when I played her lullaby the first time, and felt how insignificant she was!

Ha! That's my Bella. She's someone who couldn't see her worth and would always see herself as someone who is very irrelevant. Besides, she doesn't like to be the center of attention.

I remember when she transferred to Forks High and everyone's eyes were kept peeled for her, she would wish that sometimes she could just blend into the wall. So to be in a profession where limelight would shine on her is something that is most unlikely to happen.

Oh! My Bella! If she could only see herself…as how loveable, wonderful and beautiful she is! It's not really hard for anybody to love her. Look at me! I spent almost hundred and ten years before I could find anybody who could take my breath away. Since then, she always kept me breathless! She still does.

It wouldn't be so hard for anyone to find her interesting, attractive, and alluring. It wouldn't be so difficult for any man to fall in love with her. I wince at the thought.

I could only imagine the minds of those men in and out of our school when they finally found out that I was already out of the picture, like Mike Newton or Jacob Black! I could only assume how joyful they were to know that they could finally have a chance of romance with my Bella. I could only visualize the plans or styles that they would formulate so they could make my Bella fall for any of them.

I suddenly want to crush their skulls for even thinking that they are worthy of her attention!

I don't like anybody going after my Bella. I don't like it at all! Call me possessive or selfish, I don't care! She's mine and she always will be! I remember that I always pictured Mike Newton to be the guy who could be with Bella later. And even if it wouldn't be exactly him, he's still a good enough representation of whoever that guy would be. For that, I was willing to break Newton's neck…just to satisfy the anger I feel about having a human counterpart for my Bella…

But since I've already left her and told her that I don't love her, it's only fair to give her a chance to find love once again…even if it's in the arms of another man! I feel that every inch of myself is being ripped into tiny million pieces with the thought of Bella being in love with someone else.

Does she have someone else now? Has she outgrown me already that she wants other than me? Does she really love him or only consider him for companionship? If she loves him, then does she love him as much as she loved me? Is it less? Or perhaps even more? Once again, I wince at the pain that the thought brings me.

And if there is someone else, who could it be? Does he love her enough? Does he care about her enough? Because "enough" wouldn't even suffice for my Bella! He should love her more than his worth, his life, his everything… If he couldn't love my Bella like that, then he's not the right person for her. And I don't think anybody could meet that requirement. I'm the only one capable of doing that. So no man - really -would be the right one for my Bella.

Besides, is he even a good person at heart? What if he's capable of hurting my Bella…mentally, emotionally, physically? I feel a low growl coming out of my chest. If ever I found out who ever that devil that managed to hurt my Bella, I swear that I would torture him to the core that he would pray I would be merciful enough to just kill him right away!

Of course, I couldn't give him that satisfaction. I will enjoy torturing that son of a bitch, even if it's the only thing I would ever do! Nobody should even dare think of laying a finger on her! It's the worst mistake anyone would make, I will guarantee that.

Thinking of the possibility that Bella could be in love with someone else also yields to another possibility - that Bella could also be married. Marriage? It's one of those things that I always want to give her…for her to be my lawfully wedded wife. _Bella as my wife_ is one of the most beautiful permutations of words ever made. It brings so much joy to me to think that I could be Bella's husband.

But I could never be her husband. So to imagine that Bella as someone else's wife brings only torture to me. I feel pure jealousy because that someone has given her the thing I've always wanted to give her…marriage.

And that someone is also capable of doing something else for her - he could make love to her - one thing that I may not be capable of doing with a fragile human like her. I don't want to imagine Bella that way with another man. I may not be able to hold myself that I might finally go and find her, so I could take her back and she could be mine once more!

However, in reality, she needs a man like that - a man who can fulfill her needs in a way that I may not be able to do. She deserves to experience it all…finding someone, falling in love, marriage, making love, starting a family, having his children. Children! It's another thing that I could never give her.

Although I never recall Bella telling me that one day she hopes to become a mother too, I don't have to pretend that motherhood is not an important aspect in her life. She might not have mentioned it, in fear that she might hurt me as she's aware that I could never give her children. Alice, Esme and especially Rosalie would do anything, give everything up, only so they could experience true motherhood themselves. Their whole existence is not complete without having a child in their arms to call their own. I shouldn't be so selfish to deny Bella the miraculous gift that motherhood brings.

I can only imagine how loving, caring and nurturing Bella would be as a mother to her children. She's already been known to take care of the people around her, mainly Renee and Charlie. What more if she would be tending and nurturing her very own offspring? They would be the luckiest kids alive because they have Bella as their mom.

I can also just envision how elated Bella would be to become a mom, the completeness and wholeness she would feel. I guess it was really right that I left her, or else she might never feel whole as a person as long as she's with me, and without being able to bear children of her own. The same emptiness and void that my mother and sisters feel-having no children and the endless desire it entails.

At least, looking at an angle, I knew that leaving her could bring her some happiness I could never provide, even if I would be given an eternity to try. It might be the biggest mistake I have made. It could have brought the worst days in my life, and as long as she's not with me, it will never get better. I could have felt that I have died and sentenced to hell when I told her that I didn't love her. But I love her so much that I want her to stay alive, have a normal life, and be happy…

With all these musings, I finally realize that I'm only 8 minutes away from our mansion in Fairbanks, Alaska. My _black A6 Audi Sedan_ is the only car in Richardson Highway at this hour. Besides the visibility in Fairbanks now is so low due to so much ice fog forming around, not that it bothers me at all as I can still see clearly. It's the humans that are having a hard time driving under this condition.

After leaving Forks - after leaving her, my family and I moved back to Alaska where the Denali clan is. We purchased a huge land along the Chena River's edge. We bought more than what a family of seven needed because just like before, we preferred to be secluded. It would take fifteen human minutes by car to find the nearest neighbor.

It wasn't really difficult to suppress the suspicions coming from those who were involved in buying the real estate, like the real estate office and the previous owners of the land. But Mr. Jenks was superbly helpful in dealing with this kind of trouble - and I guess, a huge amount of money is also involved to shut them up forever.

This sedan that I'm driving now is a gift from my sisters from the first Christmas we spent after leaving Forks. They knew that I couldn't drive the Volvo anymore, without going through so much agony and pain. And also somehow, coincidence or not, they managed to obtain the same car that I wanted to get for my Bella - an _Audi_. It's full of power…and really quiet, unlike her truck, which surprisingly, I also learned to love and appreciate.

Everytime I see a truck similar to hers, I couldn't help myself but take a look at who could be driving it. I was maybe hoping to see her. I then wonder if her car still runs up to this day.

I still have my Volvo, on the other hand. It's in Fairbanks and Rosalie does the upkeep for me. I just can't drive it right now. That car still has her scent, and it doesn't help me at all from restraining myself to find her so then I could win her back, if I'm constantly being reminded of her. It's like pouring salt into my wounds…my wounds that will not heal - ever.

But sometimes, I give myself a treat. I am masochistic after all. During those times that I would be here in Alaska with my family, I would spend at least a day inside that car, just enveloping myself with her scent and her memories. Then, if I have enough, I will run away again.

I don't like running away. It makes Esme sad. I don't like to hurt my mother, as she has done some much for us, to keep us together and happy. It's just that I can't let them see me this way - useless, barely living without an effort. When I'm on my mission, away from my family, and I'm not tracking, I just curl myself into a ball and let the misery have me.

They're aware of what I am going through-Jasper knows this firsthand as he can also feel the emotions that I feel, which is another reason why I chose to stay away most of the time as I can't let Jasper suffer with me.

Still…to know that I suffer is one thing, but to actually see me go through hell is another. I know they really feel sorry for me and will ask me once more to either go back to her or try to move on - even they know that the last one is an impossible thing to do.

My running away (with a purpose) has sent me to different parts of the world. I just came back from Russia, after staying there for about 3 months now…trying to track someone. I was ordered to be back before tomorrow, Saturday, as Alice had threatened me that she and Jasper would leave us for at least a decade - without visiting if I didn't come home.

I really had no intention of going back yet. But Alice made sure that I would change my plans. Besides, I just had one of the worst and repugnant experiences in my life two nights ago that I am trying to correct, if not erase. So, it had given me more reason to go. Ahhh! I shudder at the memory of it.

Also, I just don't want our family to be more desolate as it is now when more people would leave. My absence should be enough. I just can't bear to hurt Esme more, so I decided to give Alice what she wants.

Apparently, I'm part of this celebration of Emmett's birthday this year…which really doesn't make a lot of sense, since the last time we celebrated his birthday was when he turned 20 in 1935.

I still have to get more information from Alice, who's in charge of all the preparations - as usual. All I know right now is that tomorrow, Saturday, around midnight…we're heading to New York City.

And now, about four minutes from pulling into the garage, I can already hear the commotion inside the house. I'm elated in a way…I'm finally home. Carlisle is the first one to acknowledge me.

_Welcome home, Edward. _I hear his thought as I'm smoothly parking my car.

_Oh! Edward is here! I'm so glad you're finally home. _Esme is always enthusiastic everytime I would come back.

_Hey Edward! My crazy little brother! I thought you can't hookup with other girls anymore - because of Bella… You're a lying piece of… _

I have to cut Emmett off as I hear his chuckles. I think I have an idea what he's referring to, but whatever he's thinking, he clearly is mistaken.

_Edward Anthony Mason Cullen! Get your butt in here! When I asked you to be here this week, I mean the beginning of the week at the latest! I didn't expect you to arrive less than 24 hours before we fly to New York! Do you have any idea how important this thing is to me? Or you really want me and Jasper gone? Do you want that? Seeing Esme hurt? Because I'm telling you Edward if you screw this up…I'm not gonna think twice! I will leave! Jasper will leave too!_

It's Alice, and I can tell, even without Jasper's power, that she's being panicky about Emmett's birthday celebration. What is the big deal? Really? I'm already here! I don't think I have to pack since I already am. Besides, I can get clothes there in New York - favorable for Alice since she can get out and shop!

We're not going to be late for the flight either, as it won't be until tomorrow at one in the morning, so we'll be in New York roughly around 4 pm. Although, I don't know what we'll we do once we get there.

_Hello Edward. Welcome back. I can tell that you have hell of a drive on the way here. You must be thinking about her again. You have to mellow out. I'm already having a hard time calming Alice in here._

Jasper is a nice brother to me, and he really goes out his way to help me out in whatever way he can to ease up my pain. Emmett is a good brother too. But he just knows how to push my buttons sometimes.

Well, it's my turn now to help Jasper, as right now his priority is clearly helping Alice be pacified. I'll just try to control my emotions around him as much as I can. I think I can hold it. Besides, I don't think I'll stay that long with them. I'll be out on my way as soon as Emmett's celebration is done. This way, Jasper won't also have a hard time feeling the same agony that I feel.

_Hey! Welcome back, my hypocrite brother! I thought she's the only girl for you…but how come you and…? Ha ha! You know when I see Bella again, I'll be sure to let her know what you're up to…You'll see…_

Rosalie's spitefulness really angers me sometimes. And now, she really does it for me - big time! What in the world is she going to tell Bella exactly…if she sees her again? What exactly does Rosalie know? She doesn't know anything! And whatever she thinks she knows, just like Emmett, she's clearly misinformed.

I see the Volvo at the opposite side of the garage. I'm tempted to go in there, lock myself up and just inhale her scent. But now is not the right time, maybe later before we leave for the airport. I have to speak to Alice, and at the same time, I have to straighten out whatever crooked thoughts they might have.

I grab my luggage from the trunk of the car and head inside the mansion. Carlisle already opens the door for me and gives me a quick hug. Esme goes next. She really misses me as she hugs me longer than Carlisle did. We all walk from the foyer down to the living room. I place my luggage on the mahogany floor, by the red console table.

Jasper, who's on the opposite side of the living room by the floor-to-ceiling windows, just gives me a wave as he's beside Alice, who's clearly fuming with anger as she looks at me with a fixed angry stare.

Emmett and Rosalie are on the cream colored Casanova sofa, also staring at me, but this time with mockery, with their thoughts that I'm the most sinful person in the world. I want to say hi to them, at least to Emmett, but the looks on their faces right now just infuriate me.

I have to ignore and deal with them later. Right now, I have to talk to Alice.

_"Alice, what's wrong? I'm already here. I came like you told me to."_

_"You know very well what's wrong! I asked you like two months ago to come home early. But no! The special Edward, who likes to be treated like everyone's universes revolve around him, has to come home at the very last minute when he was clearly instructed not to!"_

Alice is screaming so high that her high pitched voice could be deafening. Jasper's eyes widened as he tries to calm his spouse. He eyes me wearily, asks me silently for my aid.

_"I'm sorry. I got caught up! But I'm here. I'm almost ready. I don't even need to pack - see my luggage is already here. Besides, we still have many hours left before we leave, right?"_

_"You call that a luggage?" _

Alice stares at the baggage beside me, and then she suddenly storms to the opposite side of the room where I'm standing. Jasper hastily follows her. Whatever level of rage she's on right now must be really high as Jasper's calming tactics seem have no effect on her.

She grabs my luggage with one hand and opens the zipper with the other. She starts throwing my clothes out of the bag onto the floor. Then she continues nagging me.

_"What you have here, mister, is a bunch of muddy and dirty clothes…and -" _

She suddenly stops, looks at me, and looks at everyone else. She then takes out a skimpy black woman's underwear from the luggage, flags it around with her pinky as if the thing grosses her out, and gasps at me.

I'm also disgusted by that piece of garment. But more importantly, I'm more shocked as I have no knowledge of how it got mixed in with my clothes. I know whose underwear it is, because her scent is oozing from it. I'm embarrassed to be caught with that thing in my bag.

Alice seems to be quiet for the first time since I got home. But nevertheless, she gets her composure and starts talking again. She throws the underwear at me, together with the bag. Carlisle, who's beside me, jumps away as she flings that thing to us. I luckily avoid it as well. Emmett and Rosalie are rolling over with laughter.

_"You know what? I'm not even gonna talk to you about that. There are others here who are more interested in hearing that story. Right Emmett, Rosalie? Besides, there are more important things you need to know. _

_First you need clothes that are cleaner and more presentable than that. It's a good thing that I've already bought some for you. They're in your room. The one in the black garment suit bag is what you're gonna wear for the concert tomorrow. You're only packing a little. We all are. We can buy new clothes when we get there, as we need a lot! Besides, I think it's time that we all have a wardrobe update anyway…"_

Alice looks like she's not so mad at me anymore as her attention shifts to our day in New York. But I, on the other hand, get confused as I hear the words "concert" and about buying "a lot of new clothes".

Concert? So, this is where we're celebrating Emmett's birthday? Whose concert is it? And why do we need more clothes? Are we staying there for more than several days?

I have to ask her the details. I don't have any idea what's going on.

_"Wait Alice! I know that Emmett's birthday is so important and a matter of national security if we don't all go…" _I glare at Emmett and sees him sticks up his middle finger. I then continue. _"But I want to understand what will happen in the next several days…"_

Everyone is looking at me as I speak, then Alice faces me.

_"Days? No. We won't be gone for days. We'll be in New York for several months at least, Edward."_

Alice calmly tells me this, as she tries to put away the clothes on the floor into a black garbage bag, including the sickening underwear. I guess she'll throw them away.

I'll find it later though - to incinerate it, including the luggage as well. But I can't be bothered by it now. This birthday celebration gets stranger and stranger as I gather more information about it.

I have to get to the bottom of this.

_"Months? How long exactly? You know that I'm on a mission here and I can't afford to go without it for months. What exactly are we doing in New York City? I thought it's just going to be a concert? Why does it last that long? Can't I leave earlier than that?"_

I bombard her with questions. The rest of them seems not to interfere and just lets Alice answer everything.

_"Ok, I'll explain everything to you from the beginning. Listen! Ok? Six months ago, there was an announcement that the famous songwriter Isla Soleil will have a debut mini-concert this January-which will happen tomorrow evening. As some kind of a promotion, the record label company who will produce Isla's first album also announced that there will be a songwriting competition…"_

_"Songwriting competition? You mean writing songs? Why do we need to be there if we're just submitting compositions? Can't we just do it here?"_

I ask her impatiently. I don't know why Alice got ourselves into that situation. For me, it seems dumb.

_"Will you stop interrupting, Edward? I'm still not done! I told you to listen! Well, yes and no to your questions! Yes, it's a songwriting competition but no we don't need to write songs…not now, not yet, and most importantly, not by ourselves! _

_The challenge asks for a group of 5 people who will answer a simple question. The question was 'Why Music is Important to You?' Of course I already knew what kind of answer they wanted so that's what I sent. And I made sure that they would read it - kinda like rig it a little bit. _

_Now, before I go further, explaining the mechanics of the whole thing, you might be wondering why I'm going through such trouble of gaining entry into such thing, which certainly sounds stupid to you. _

_Well, about four years ago, a certain Isla Soleil started writing songs for so many music artists we have now. Every song she has made became all popular and top hits all over the world. Millions of people know about her creations. _

_And since you decided a long time ago, after we left Forks, that you'll just be dead to the world and never ever cared about what's happening around you, I won't be surprised if you even haven't heard of her._

_Our Emmett here, on the other hand, has grown fond of her songs, ever since her first hit song came out. At first, we were not aware that all those hit songs were written by this Isla Soleil. Really? Who does that for real-trying to know the songwriter? Mostly, people only care for the singers. _

_It was until one day when Emmett noticed that her name appears on each of those songs. Since then, he keeps waiting for her next masterpiece like some crazed fanatic._

_Emmett had already thought of meeting Isla before in person, but it appeared to be out of the question since not much people know who she really is, and only a few have actually seen her. _

_Those who have seen and worked with her seem keeping mum about the songwriter. It's like there was a gag order issued. _

_Anyway, the word on the street is that Isla is a germaphobe who suffers anxiety attacks when put in a room full of strangers. But she's a songwriting genius, so maybe she also realized that it's a waste not to share her talent with others._

_So, I've heard that over the years, she's been getting help to lose her phobias. And last July, the announcement was made just like I told you. She's doing a concert, singing her very own compositions. I guess she's a good singer, too. We don't really know. Nobody ever heard her singing yet in public. _

_This coming Saturday will be her revelation. It's only a mini concert as there will be a major concert coming in September this year. _

_Now, where do we fit in the picture? We - Emmett, Rosalie, You, Jasper and I will be at the concert this Saturday because we're the winners of the songwriting challenge. We will also have a personal meet-and-greet with her afterwards, as promised to us._

_After this Saturday, the real songwriting challenge will begin. Each of us will be given a chance to co-write a song with Isla, which will be sung on her major concert and be included in her very first album. _

_I'm so excited about this! It's like we're also having our very own album! Wow!_

_Anyway, her album, I think, will consist of our songs that we will write with her, plus the songs she will sing this Saturday, and then I guess she'll make more along the way!_

_Now, we have to stay in New York until September when the major concert will be held. We can't refuse…it's part of the contract that we signed. _

_Oh yeah, speaking of contracts, Emmett…I talked to Mr. Jenks earlier and he said that all is well on our side. She already signed our request. She won't go anywhere for the next eight months at least!"_

I look at Alice with this baffled look on my face. Is she nuts? Are they all nuts? I went home all the way from my mission just so to take a glimpse of this reclusive songwriter that I don't even give a damn about. I've heard that name before - in the minds of others, and something about her revelation. I just didn't pay much attention to it. She can hide under a rock for all I care. I could care less if she never comes out.

I see Emmett going to say something, but I interrupt him. Once again, I see his middle finger sticking up in the air, now he's saying some expletive words in his mind, which he just can't say it in front of Esme. I try so hard to block him but he's being extremely loud.

_"Alice? Are you crazy? You can't really be this more annoying, huh? I came all the way here to force me to spend 8 months with some lunatic, cloistered, antisocial songwriter?_

_And why do I have to write a song with her? I don't want to. You very well know that I don't do that anymore. I don't play the piano nor listen to any kind of music. And now you want me to write a freakin' song! What kind of songs do I have to write? Hard metal that you can rockout to?"_

I'm starting to get mad. But I see Alice not being worried about my anger, as she's beginning to steam as well.

_"Not hard metal, not even close - well, unless it's a love song. She's popular in making songs that are the matters of the heart."_

_"Whaaaat? Are you punishing me, Alice? I know you're so mad at me for asking you to do what you did back when we still lived at Forks. But you know the reasons why. I thought you understood them. Besides, what do you want me to write - about how I miss her, how I thought that I made a mistake, that everyday without her is hell! Is that what you want me to say?"_

_"Well, yes, what else do you have? Or you can write how much you love her…focus on the positive aspects of your relationship with Bella. I mean sooner or later you have to make or at least listen to some music. Who knows maybe Bella might even hear your composition…and she might find in her heart to forgive you?"_

Then Emmett manages to speak in the midst of my debate with Alice.

_"Or you can write about your little lovey dovey moment with Tanya the other day!" _He booms with laughter. Rosalie joins him in teasing me.

I'm about to lunge at him and rip his throat for that irritating heckling he threw at me. Carlisle just holds me by the shoulder to stop me. It's my first day home in months; I have to be more patient, for Esme's sake.

I take a deep breath in and interrogate Alice once more. I'll deal with Emmett and Rosalie later.

_"I thought we're trying to be inconspicuous. __If we're co-writing songs with this woman, are we also going to have our names revealed?"_

_"No. I sent them different names. Emmett is McCarty Brandon, I'm Mary Brandon, and you are Anthony Brandon. Rose and Jazz are Lillian and Cass Whitlock. But I guess we can still call ourselves by our real names. We can just tell them that those are our nicks."_

_"I don't know about this Alice. I mean 8 months? That's a long time, don't you think? And what about that agreement that you made her sign - the one you are telling Emmett a while ago? What's that for?"_

_"That is just for our very own security that she won't back out. I mean I understand that she has a fear of people or something, but I don't want them to use that as an excuse for her not to spend time with us."_

_"And so what if she tries to stay away from us? That's better! We will write those stupid songs, be finished and then leave! We don't have to mingle with her! Besides, the moment she sees Emmett I'm sure she doesn't need to be reminded that she already has a phobia. She will definitely stay away from us!"_

_"Edward stop it! This is not about you, remember! This is about us, too! We did what you wanted back in Forks. It hurt us so, especially me, but we tried to understand you! Now, it's our turn! Emmett hardly asks for something like this and we have to give it to him. _

_You know what? I know what you're trying to do. You're just trying to become a pain! Because you don't want to go! I'm telling you Edward if you turned your back on this, I swear, you will never see me or Jasper ever again!"_

I don't know what the big deal is, about seeing this Isla Soleil, that Alice would be willing to leave our family for good if I didn't go. I don't know. Maybe she's getting bored here.

We've been in Alaska for too long - well, actually they have, while I would hardly stay here. She's right I'm being selfish. Besides, I don't want to push Alice's buttons as she's clearly getting upset with me.

_"I'm sorry Alice! I didn't mean to say that. You guys are important to me too. And Emmett deserves a nice birthday treat, even though it will last for months - the longest birthday celebration I've ever seen. But I guess I want to do this also since I haven't been around so much…Anyway have you tried to see if it will be safe for us - at least on Saturday? Have you taken a look on this Isla Soleil?"_

_"Of course! Everything will be just fine…"_

I can't see so much in her thoughts as she quickly blocks me by reciting Om Mani Padme Hum, a Tibetan mantra. All I am able to see is a girl with a long blonde hair wearing a pair of red plumps with 4-inch heels. Alice is clearly hiding something.

_"Alice what are you trying to hide from me?"_

_"Nothing! What will I hide from you?"_

_"No! You're clearly doing it now. You're trying to conceal something by reciting a Tibetan mantra."_

_"Ok! You've got me! I am hiding something! But not from you - from Emmett! There's a surprise for Saturday that I don't want him to know."_

_"Emmett can't read your mind; I can! So what if I knew, I won't ruin it for you. You can trust me."_

I'm getting curious as to what she's trying to hide. But I can see that Alice seems to be getting more frustrated with me. I just can't really help but to become a royal pain.

_"Edward, please! If I haven't told Rosalie, Esme, and Carlisle…or even my Jasper - what makes you think I would tell you? No! It's only for me to know and for all of you to find out - on Saturday! Geez Edward! You're really pushing me over the edge. _

_Do you really wanna ruin everything? Is this it? Are you going to be a complete jackass or you'll try to at least make some effort so everybody can enjoy! Tell me now, Edward - because there's no backing out later…you know the consequence if you refuse to be part of this … are you in or are you out?"_

I hear Jasper's mind telling me that Alice is really working hard to make this a total surprise that even him doesn't know what will happen on Saturday. He's just told that everything will be great.

I am being a complete jackass! I can't ruin this just because I have personal issues. They're my family and I have to support them as they would rally behind me after I've made my choices - even though they don't fully believe in them.

I see myself nodding.

_"You're really really in? You can't say you're ok with it now and then turn 180 later! I'm telling you Edward, if you do that…you can forget that I'm your sister!"_

Everyone gasps at what she says. She doesn't flinch. She never minces her words as she says this. She's dead serious when she says that she will leave the family if I don't participate. Is it really necessary?

Again, I don't see what could be the big deal, on what could be the reason why she's willing to break this family apart. Then I find everyone asking me, in their minds, my thoughts on the matter.

_"Yes, Alice…you have my word. I'll join your little celebration and enjoy it too…as long as I'm needed to be there, I will stay. I won't be difficult, I promise. You don't have to think about leaving this family…and Jasper too! I never want you to leave, and I never want to forget that you're my sister…"_

I see a faint smile that forms in Alice's face - a smile of victory. I just try to ignore it since I just gave her my word. I then turn my attention to Carlisle, who seems not to be joining us in New York - and Esme too.

_"So you will stay behind while we go to New York…are you going to be okay without us? I mean Esme might get a little depressed."_

_"Oh no! You think we'll stay behind? We'll fly there with you guys. It's a nice timing since there are a series of medical conferences that I have to attend, and most of them are within that area or just in the neighborhood states. Besides, I cannot be outdated as so much medical breakthroughs are being discovered now like the advanced cardiac technique in surgery._

_Esme, on the other hand, will attend some classes on different art classes…mostly Japanese art like calligraphy, painting, and ikebana. She was told by Alice that she will take interest in Japanese inspired interior design and architecture in the future that it will be nice to take formal classes. Esme seems to be excited about it too…"_

I look at Esme who takes the place beside Carlisle. She then stares at me timidly, hesitating to ask a question.

_"What is it Esme? Is there something you want to ask me?"_

_"Well, I really don't want to bring this up, Edward. We already talked to Eleazar, Carmen and Kate - the rest of the Denali clan, and we already told them that we will be gone for a while. I'm just wondering, dear … how come Tanya didn't come back here with you?"_

I know this topic will come out sooner or later. Personally, I think it should be disregarded, as there's no truth to whatever they might insinuate. But I have to be in the clear of whatever they are accusing me of.

_"I don't know where she's at. I didn't ask her to come with me, as I didn't ask her to come with me to Russia in the first place."_

_"I see."_

I can see both of Carlisle and Esme's faces become expressionless, but even if they don't tell me, even if their minds don't either, I know that they don't like what is happening between Tanya and me - or the consequence of my decision.

_"Look, Carlisle and Esme, I understand truly that you treasure our family ties with the Denali clan, and we don't want to create so much friction with them. It's the same reason why I tried to be accommodating or friendly when it comes to Tanya, even if she makes me feel so uncomfortable. But I can't give her what she wants…or at least what I think she wants. I can't! You very well know that my heart only belongs to someone…and I already left it with her."_

_"Edward, you don't have to worry about us. No matter what happens with you and Tanya, the Denalis will always be our family friends…or more like an extension of our family. Do what you have to do. You've got our blessings."_

I can only mouth the word thank you to Carlisle and Esme. They're the only ones whose opinions really matter to me at this point. If they're alright that I keep myself away from Tanya, then I don't have to bother convincing others about what they thought had happened between me and Tanya the other day. It was nothing but just a terrible mistake which I quickly corrected!

_"So what are you trying to say Edward? That you and Tanya are nothing but just friends? Do friends 'french kiss' each other? Or are you what humans call 'friends with benefits'? _

Emmett's chuckles and heckling are really getting into my nerves. I know he can't resist letting this time pass without questioning me.

_"We don't french kiss. We don't have any casual relationships that you refer to as 'friends with benefits' or 'bed buddies.' Nothing like that! Not even close!"_

Jasper swiftly runs beside me as he can sense the anger that's wavering throughout me. Carlisle is also there to help calm me down. If only I could erase that moment two nights ago, I would. I hate it! I truly hate it!

I see Rosalie stood up. Now, it's her turn to mock me. I still can't forget her earlier threat that she would tell Bella whatever I was doing when they would see each other again. Tell her exactly what? Now, I'm getting more wrathful.

_"Oh yeah? And so if you guys don't do any of those things, then what was that vision Alice saw the other day when the two of you are apparently kissing by your bedroom window in Russia, with Tanya naked and you were only wearing some kind of underwear?_

_You're such a hypocrite! You very well know what Tanya wants from you. From all of us, you should be the least clueless about it - given that you can read minds and all! If you don't like her, how come you let her accompany you to all these trips around the world for the past year? _

_If you have some decency, you could have told her that she would just be wasting her time following you around like a pup! But no! You didn't! With all those drama that you went through for Bella, telling everybody that your heart only belongs to her even when you already abandoned her…that's bullshit! _

_You like the attention that Tanya is giving you; you just don't want to admit…because you're scared…you're scared to say that you need someone too! You need at least a companion so you can wallow more in guilt and misery!_

_You're pathetic, Edward. You're using Tanya to make up for all the emptiness you feel, though you're fully aware that it's impossible. I don't like Bella…you're all aware of that. But I can see how she can make you happy so my sympathy is with her. Instead of wasting your time, running in circles with Tanya, you should go back to Bella and win her back. It's the only way for you to live again! And Tanya…Tanya doesn't deserve to be treated like this! She's been our friend for decades…she deserves more respect, don't you think?_

_And really, I'm telling you, if I see Bella once more, I will never waste a minute and tell her everything you've been doing on these trips with Tanya!"_

That does it! I'm really mad now! Is that what they think of me? Do the past hundred years or so just come by as a blur that they don't really know me at all? Do they really think that I'm that kind of man - a cruel womanizer? One who leaves his true love, and then begs for sympathy from another woman who actually just fantasizes about him?

Tanya doesn't really love me- not even infatuated. No! She's only interested in me as I have never fallen in love with a vampire during my entire existence, and when I did finally fall in love - it was with a human! Tanya only sees me as a challenge…nothing more!

I am really fuming with anger now, especially that Rose threatened me again about telling Bella. I can feel Carlisle's and Jasper's arms on me, as they are trying to stop me from going near Rosalie and Emmett.

Emmett, on the other hand, seems to remain cool as he's still chuckling on the couch near where Rosie stands.

_"May I remind you - all of you that Alice's visions are not set in stone? They are all subjective! What she saw the other day is not entirely true! Yes, I was in my bedroom that night! But I was alone, at first! I was about to change because I just got back from hunting and my clothes were covered in snow and mud. _

_Tanya came in without her clothes on and she suddenly lunged at me and kissed me. That kiss only lasted about two seconds before I pulled her away from me and threw her on the opposite wall. _

_I'm sorry Esme. I've made a huge hole in the bedroom wall. But I've got the caretaker to fix it up for me. They will start working on it today._

_Now, tell me, did Alice also tell you about how I threw Tanya on the wall? Did she even tell you how mad I got because of that foolish stunt she was trying to pull? And finally, did she tell you how gross I feel to have another woman's lips touch mine when I am fully determined to only have Bella's lips to ever kiss me?"_

I'm looking at all of them. They all become quiet, even Emmett doesn't try to laugh anymore. Esme tells me that she's okay in regards to the broken wall. Then, Alice speaks up.

_"I didn't try to see more, if that's what you're asking me. I respect your privacy too, you know. I guess whatever you would decide to do when Tanya came on to you would be your decision…and I told everyone to respect that. I didn't mean to look into your future or something. You know that since you've been gone so much, you're constantly popping into my mind. I guess, subconsciously, I'm trying to see if you're safe or not. And I just told them what I saw so they wouldn't feel weird if in case you came home with Tanya…you know, as a couple!_

_But I'm still with Rosie on this. It's only Bella who can truly heal your wounds. You should go back to her. I'm definitely TEAM BELLA all the way!"_

_"Hell yeah! Gimme five, Alice!" _

Emmett is very pepped up by the little speech that Alice just gave, that he doesn't not only give her an elevated high slap, but he also carries her as well. I hear Alice shrieks in surprise!

Nevertheless, I still can't believe that they think I'm that easy to forget my Bella. It's Bella we're talking about here…my only love, my only life.

_"Oh Alice, Alice, Alice! Do you really think that I can replace Bella…ever? Even if I will end up in solitude for the rest of my existence - I will never settle to find another woman to take her place._

_Now, just to clarify a lot of things. Yes, I do know Tanya's intentions, which she already has for me for so many years. She never fails to remind me everytime she sees me. The thoughts that she has for me are too much to bear actually. But, let me also tell you that her feelings toward me are nothing but mere infatuation. _

_She finds it funny that I never fell in love with a fellow vampire for more than a hundred years I have existed. And when I finally did give my heart to someone - it was to a fragile human. She looks at me like a challenge she can win over, and that her charms would work on me because after all I'm just a man who's just playing hard to get. She underestimates the love I feel for my Bella, and can't quite grasp the fact I can never fall in love again, as my heart only belongs to only one. _

_So, just to let you know, from the very beginning, even before Bella came into my life, I already let her know 'gently', so as I could not hurt her feelings, that I expect our relationship not to be more than friendly. I even told her that I treat her and her family as practically blood relatives already! _

_However, her determination cannot be faltered-even now more than ever when Bella isn't with me anymore. She thinks that I'm much easier to be tempted since I've already been in a relationship and should be craving to be with someone. And also, she's more convinced now that I'm just trying to be difficult, because if I truly love Bella like I always say, then I should be doing everything now, anything that I could to win her back. _

_Then again, she might not fully understand the sacrifices I'm willing to make so my Bella could be safe and happy, that I would endure aloneness and pain. She couldn't quite realize that I could only be with Bella or no one at all!_

_With that, you all should have realized by now that I will never toy with Tanya's feelings or use her to fill the emptiness I have inside, as only Bella could do that for me. I have treated Tanya with all respect she deserves, because I also respect Carlisle's long-time friendship with them. _

_I never fail to let her know clearly every single time she would come to me that she could never expect me to treat her the way she might want me to. I only had been very rude to her two nights ago, when her attempt to flirt with me had gone to another level…in which I could never tolerate. So I had to stop her even if it meant I had to throw her on a wall…and I would happily do that all over again if she would attempt to perform another nasty act on me._

_Now, if you think she's just wasting her time following me around, you're right. But I've got some decency in me to tell her that she didn't have to accompany me on these trips. She volunteered herself! I asked her everyday to go home but as you can already guess, she couldn't be persuaded. _

_There were many days that I would hide from her, hoping that she would finally get the message that I wanted to be alone, but all my attempts were nothing but worthless. And even if we never stayed in a same house, I never felt comfortable that I was far away from my family and alone with her. _

_I don't like the way she's been treating me. I feel like a toy, like a game…and she won't stop playing. She always envelopes me with all those dirty thoughts in her mind. Her fantasies alone already gross me out. They are so gauche and tactless. It's me who doesn't deserve to be treated like this! _

_I'd rather wallow in guilt and misery alone, forever if I had to, than to have a companion who has a filthy mind like hers! I just never tell anybody how she would think about me, as I never wanted to disrespect her, and also her family. But I'm certain that you're all aware of her so-called intentions._

_What happened two nights ago - if I could have erased that, I would have done that already without blinking. I know, Alice, that you have tried to call me, but I wasn't able to answer it as I was busy throwing her into a wall. I'm not happy about what happened. I'm actually disgusted by it!_

_Now, Rosalie, if ever you would see Bella again, there's something you can actually tell her…the truth, and not what you thought it was. Since you only knew pieces of what had happened, I think it's totally unfair that you would go and make up your own story based on what you just think, don't you agree? _

_I mean, just put yourselves into my shoes, if it were Emmett that she's after, and she thinks of you, Rosalie, as nothing but a sheer competition, then I could only imagine what you would have done to stop her. Maybe you would have forgotten that our family has ties with hers, and that you could already have killed her even on just the very first attempt that she would try to steal Emmett from you…"_

I see Rosalie winces at that thought of another woman trying to steal her Emmett. Emmett, on the other hand, seems amused by the idea of having another woman desperately seeking his attention.

Rosalie immediately sees his reaction and smacks him at the back of his head. Emmett erases the grin off of his face at once. I then continue with my talk…

_"Actually, if there's something you have to tell her, tell her that I really am a hypocrite. I'm a hypocrite because I try to pretend that I can live day to day without her; I attempt to feign that my misery doesn't get worse every day; I foolishly make everyone believe, most especially her, that I can move on…"_

I feel an agonizing pain once more, knowing that what I did to Bella seven years ago is really a mistake, even if my reason for leaving her was to make her safe and happy. Jasper quickly sends me relief. I'm sure he can't also take the pain that I feel.

_"Edward…we're really sorry son if we ever thought wrongly about you. But just to let you know, we never doubted your love for Bella, as we're all aware that our kind can only have one true love that will last our whole existence, and yours is certainly Bella. _

_Nonetheless, we were still very wrong on many things. We underestimated your strength, your vigor on how long you can survive alone. For that, we all have thought that Tanya could be nice enough for you - at least as a companion. Although she is definitely not Bella, not even similar, but we thought she could maybe aid lessen the pain that you feel._

_Then again, we are also mistaken to assume that she's nothing but being nice to you. We were a little bit aware of her flirtations toward you, but we never knew that her actions have gone too far, that they have stopped being cute and playful but rather they have turned filthy. _

_And I'm proud of you son that you tried to remain as gentleman as you always are, and never prattled on her so we would be informed of what she's really been doing to you, in spite of the discomfort that she makes you feel. _

_But of course you can only tolerate so much, and must be at the end of your tether after all those years of enduring her fantasies. And what she did to you the other night is really something that you shouldn't abide. So, I would say she deserved what she got._

_Now I know that Tanya doesn't really mean any harm, but as you've said, she's just trying to win you over. Nevertheless, I guess whatever game she's playing should already stop. _

_Don't worry. I'll try to talk to her so she could leave you alone. I'm sure the rest of them will understand if I explain to them the situation. You shouldn't be bothered by her anymore. Along that, whenever a female will come along in the future, trying to seek your attention, we will never doubt again that your loyalty only truly remain to your Bella…_

_I hope you can forgive us."_

_"Of course, Carlisle. It doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I'm just relieved that I could finally explain to all of you what is really happening with Tanya, so I wouldn't be misjudged by others who've got dirty minds."_

I then glance where Rosalie and Emmett are and catch them holding down their laughter. I don't know what could be funny to them, when we're all being serious toward this matter.

_"Rosalie and Emmett! I think the two of you need to apologize to Edward yourselves."_

Esme orders them around. She hardly asks us to do anything, but if she does, we never disappoint her. Rosalie then stands up and faces me.

_"Ok…Emmett and I are both so sorry for misjudging you. As Carlisle said, we really never doubted your love for Bella, but we just thought you're being a two-timing jackass that you're using Tanya like you're on the reflux…so you could get the sickness of being away with Bella out of your system…_

_When all along, what was really happening was that you were just being nice to her while she's being all slutty and vulgar. You're my brother. And Emmett and I care about you! And I agree you shouldn't tolerate that!_

_But then again, we're not so sorry when we said that you're a pretender! You know that you can't survive without Bella and that you should be there with her! Stop lying to yourself! Stop lying to her! _

_That very decision of yours of not pursing Bella is what giving Tanya an incentive to flirt with you more! I'm telling you…until you do everything you can to have Bella back in your life, Tanya won't stop bothering you!"_

I don't know why Rosalie is suddenly siding with Bella. Maybe she feels animosity towards Tanya now, as she doesn't like women who would steal men who are already clearly in love with somebody else. She just hates that possibility ever happening to Emmett.

I just don't know what to say. For the first time, I'm speechless…and surprisingly, to what has Rosalie has said to me. She's right, they're all right.

Maybe it's time that I should go and find Bella already and win her back - hoping that she's still not married and has a family of her own already, or else I'm too late.

I wince at the thought.

Still, even so, I'll try to be around her more…to protect her and her family as well, even if she never has to know that I've come back...

Naahh! Who am I kidding? I still can't convince myself yet to intrude on her life once more. I don't deserve her and don't have the right to have her, especially after everything I've done. I just can't!

_"Wait up, baby bruh! You still haven't told us how a pair of lacey knickers ended up in your suitcase. What's that? A souvenir?"_

Emmett can't really shut up about it. Sometimes, I wonder if there's any cure for his verbal diarrhea.

_"Souvenir for what? Nothing happened? Aren't you listening to what has been said around here? I don't know how it ended up there!"_

_"So Edward, it only means to say that you didn't convince her at all to leave you alone even after you threw her into a wall?"_

Alice starts to get worried about it.

_"See? That's what I've been telling you…until you get back together with Bella, the bitch won't leave you alone!"_

Rosalie gets anxious too!

_"Rosalie! Watch your mouth! It's a family friend you're talking about. Besides, we don't know how serious Tanya really is. She might still be playing a game for all we know! Carlisle will talk to her as soon as possible."_

I see Rosalie mouths the word sorry to Esme. Alice, on the other hand, concentrates on getting some future vision regarding Tanya. Everybody watches her and waits for her answer. I don't have to know what she will say as I can see images inside her mind.

And in her vision, I can see that Carlisle is talking to Tanya over the phone, and things seem to be going pretty smoothly. She's laughing as she's trying to clear up what had happened to us two nights ago. She's just being naughty and mischievous, she explains. And that she promises to finally leave me alone.

I breathe a sigh of relief after that. At least, one of the many hells I'm experiencing right now will ultimately come to its end.

Alice explains to others what she has seen. Then Carlisle quickly goes outside to talk to Tanya over his cell phone. We can still hear what Carlisle will be saying even if he goes outside, but maybe he just wants a more silent background to show a little respect to Tanya. After all, Carlisle still wants to remain friends with the Denali clan.

I, on the other hand, take the garbage bag with my dirty clothes and the disgusting underwear in it, together with my luggage, and bring it to the backyard to incinerate it.

Then, while I'm trying to put out the fire I made, I hear Alice's thoughts telling me that we will leave immediately to hunt. She wants our thirst to be quenched as much as possible before leaving tomorrow.

It is almost 4 in the afternoon when we all have made a decision to come back home from hunting. It's been a while since I have hunted with my family and I truly miss it.

It's really fun to hunt with all of them - watching Rose and Emmett argue as he tries to play with his food while she, on the other hand, tries to be as neat as possible; Carlisle and Esme are quietly hunting together in a spot nearby; while Jasper and Alice accompany me the whole time.

Alice has been annoyingly pushing everybody to feed and feed. Eventually, we're overstuffed.

As we are finally home, I hop into the shower to get clean. The feel of water on my marble-like skin is really good. It's one of those daily activities that I find truly relaxing.

After 45 minutes in the shower, I put on the new clothes that Alice has bought for me. They really are trendy but amazingly comfortable as well. I admit that I look good in these. I'm just glad that Alice really knows the styles that will compliment me the most, even though I'm aware that I could manage to look good even in a brown paper bag. I wonder what Bella would think if she would see me now.

I get gloomy once again. I really miss her. I want to go to her, hold her, hug her, sit her on my lap, hum her lullaby, smell her hair, brush my nose alongside her neck, kiss her, listen to her heartbeat, tell her I love her…and never ever let her go…

I remember the Volvo in the garage. We still have a few hours to go before we leave, and since I'm already packed and showered, I really don't have that much to do except to wait. So, I will wait inside my old car.

I quickly walk to the mahogany study table in my room and pull out a lemonade bottle cap from one of its drawers. It's the cap from the bottle of lemonade that Bella was drinking the first time we sat together in the cafeteria-on the day of the blood draw in Biology. Call me sentimental, but every small thing that has something to do with her is still with me. I keep them all this time.

Now, Bella might not have anything to remind her of me anymore, except what she might have in her memories and our old house in Forks. I asked Carlisle's permission for me to burn down our house there, but he never let me. He said that our sudden disappearance would already be quite controversial, and that I shouldn't make it worse. I understood so I agreed.

But everything else that she had that would serve as a reminder of my existence - I put them all away. Pictures, gifts given to her by us (except her truck radio which I didn't bother to take out), the cd, and every other single thing were all gone. I left no trace.

Now, she might think that I have taken them back, but I never have taken back any gifts I have given, and I never will. I just simply placed them out of her view. Out of sight, out of mind…Far from sight, far from heart, right?

Where have they all been hidden? Well, if she could just lift one of the floorboards in her room, she would definitely find everything there.

It's childish, I know. But I just did that to help her move on, to aid her in forgetting about me…although I would really want it if she could remember me forever.

I finally get myself down to the garage. On my way to the car, I hear Jasper telling me to ease up on the pain, as he doesn't want to feel so down before leaving for New York later. Alice, on the other hand, reminds me that in a few hours we will be leaving.

In a matter of seconds, I am already beside my Volvo and my hand is on the door handle, ready to open it. I brace myself for the misery that I will feel once I smell her scent upon opening the door. Then, as I swing it open, her scent, the most wonderful smell in the world, attacks me - both with joy and pain.

Joy because once again I feel like she's just here close to me. Pain because soon after being joyful, I will realize that she's not really here with me. If I could just cry, I could be sobbing by now. Now I know how important tears really are, as there are things in the world that are so hard to express...but only through tears.

I throw myself into the driver seat and shut the door beside me. I take another deep breath and try to inhale more of her scent. Before, this smell would make my throat burn dryly, and my mouth will be filled with venom.

Gladly, somehow, I'm already used to it, for I don't crave for her that way anymore. It's like when Carlisle would be around his patients, even those who are deeply wounded and blood gushing out. I'm not bothered by it. I'm immune to her scent, and I know I can manage being around her if in case she cuts herself and bleeds.

This makes me happy. Now I can truly prove to anyone that I really love her, as my heart already dominated my natural instinct. I'm not a threat to her anymore; I know that deep inside of me. I am absolutely certain of myself that I cannot and will not hurt her ever. I guess being away from her for so long makes me act this way. She really has changed me in so many ways I could never imagine.

I truly miss her. I really do. But missing her is really not the hardest part. It's the fact that once I had her and then let her go brings all the pain to my heart. And as to pour salt on my already aching and open wounds, there's this fact I cannot have her back! I don't see how that's possible after everything I have done to her, after I have hurt her. Only a demented one would even consider the possibility!

Nevertheless, a very small spark of hope that maybe, just maybe, I can feel her in my arms again.

After hours of sitting in the car almost motionless, only moving to breathe, I sense Alice outside of my car. She then taps on my window to ask if I'm ready to go. These silent conversations that Alice and I would have are very usual between us. She cannot read my mind, but she can read my gestures.

_It's about 10:30. We have to leave soon. There's a long line of security at the airport. They won't check us, but they will with the other passengers._

_"Ok, I'll be out in a minute."_

_Good. I already got your stuffs down here. Just in case, I've put your coat with your luggage too._

Alice then turns her back on me. I, on the other hand, take a final breath. It will take about 8 months before I can do this again.

As soon as I open the door, Emmett suddenly appears before me. He's telling me sorry for his rude behavior a while ago. He's just making fun of me, that's all. And he never really thinks that I would go for someone like Tanya.

I give him a quick hug, sign that what had happened earlier when I came home is already been forgotten. I can never stay mad at Emmett for a long time. I know that he's just teasing and never means any harm.

If Jasper helps me with all the pain and suffering I go through, Emmett is my buddy when it comes to having fun, as he always makes sure that I'm enjoying myself.

_"Come on, Edward. Let's bust a move and go. It's time to meet Isla Soleil."_

Ah! Isla Soleil. She's really a mystery. I wonder why, but my gut feeling tells me that I'm going to enjoy meeting her after all.


End file.
